["Oh No" playing]
[vocalizing]
[Aza] Did you know human beings are almost 50% microbial?
That means half the cells that make up your body
don't even belong to you.
They belong to these tiny, microscopic organisms crawling inside of you.
So, if you think about it, there is no you.
You're not real.
You're fictional.
♪ Oh, no, I did it again ♪
♪ I heard them all too loud Voices in my head ♪
♪ And now I'm lonely ♪
♪ Someone to tell me They knew... ♪
You're just a glorified bacterial colony.
- [Dr. Singh] I did know that. - [song stops]
Because you've told me before.
When was the last time
you had the urge to open the callus on your finger?
- This morning. - And did you?
Yes.
Maybe we try exposure response therapy again.
Oh, that... that wasn't for me.
Okay.
Have you been taking your medication?
Uh...
Sometimes.
You have to take your medication every day, for it to work. You know that.
What are you thinking?
I was thinking it's not fair
that you and every other normal person can know
you're covered in bacteria and not give a shit.
- I don't like the word "normal." - And I don't like the words
that you write on your notepad to describe me,
but if the shoe fits.
Sure, they acknowledge you're struggling,
but they also reflect that you are so much more
than your OCD.
You're smart, and creative, and thoughtful.
Okay, thank you. But, please, just stop.
So, you wish you were more like normal people?
No.
I'd kill to be like normal people.
[song resumes]
♪ I'm caving out ♪
♪ And I just sit back ♪
♪ While I watch me drown ♪
♪ So I'm safe and sound ♪
♪ While I'm in this room ♪
♪ No, it's nothing new ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ Oh, no, I did it again ♪
♪ I told the world I'm fine Never near the edge ♪
♪ And now I'm falling ♪
♪ Too late to tell them The truth ♪
♪ Oh, no, I did it again ♪
♪ I heard them all too loud Voices in my head ♪
♪ And now I'm lonely ♪
♪ Someone to tell me They knew ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm caving out ♪
♪ And I just sit back ♪
♪ While I watch me drown ♪
♪ So I'm safe and sound ♪
♪ While I'm in this room ♪
♪ No, it's nothing new ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
-♪ Oh, no, I did it again ♪ - ♪ 'Cause I'm caving out ♪
♪ I let my mind leak out Into all my friends ♪
♪ And I just sit back ♪
♪ While I watch me drown ♪
-♪ Oh, no, I did it again ♪ - ♪ So I'm safe and sound ♪
♪ I let myself inside Till the silence ends ♪
♪ Too late to tell the truth ♪
♪ Slipping and thinking Of you ♪
♪ And it's nothing new ♪
♪ Slipping and thinking Of you ♪
♪ Slipping and thinking Of you... ♪
[school bell ringing]
♪ Slipping and thinking Of you... ♪
[indistinct conversation]
♪ Slipping and thinking Of you ♪
♪ Slipping and thinking Of you... ♪
So, what do you think?
[song stops]
Of what?
Holmsey, my hair is the color of an embarrassed flamingo.
Yeah, it's not a good thing.
[Daisy chuckles]
I can't believe you actually went through with it.
It's bold.
Daisy Ramirez breaks hearts, not promises.
[girls chuckle]
Do you think I should get that tattooed, like, yea big on my ankle?
Still, no.
- Hey, check out my new piece. - [Daisy] Oh.
His new piece.
Bam.
He's hot. Who is he?
He's Mychal 101.
I used Photoshop to average the faces of 100 people named Mychal,
- but spelled with a "Y" like me. - [static crackles]
And the average of their faces became him.
The 101st Mychal.
- Hello, Mychal 101. - [whooshing]
[voice fading] Yeah, so, now that I've got the technique down...
[Aza] That's your stomach digesting your sandwich.
Make a piece about the face of White River High.
- ["Bad Guy" instrumental playing] - [whooshing]
[Aza] All the bacteria chewing the slime of the peanut butter and honey.
You can feel them living, and breeding, and dying inside of you.
Your body is nothing but a host
to a massive collection of parasitic organisms,
ready to cause infection, ready to cause infection,
ready to cause infection.
Holmsey, are you listening?
[Aza] I am listening to the cacophony of my digestive tract.
- Aza? - [song stops]
Yeah. Yeah?
When was the last time you saw Davis?
Um, I don't... I don't know.
[Mychal] You know Davis Pickett?
- [echoing] Yeah, when they were kids. - [song resumes]
- What? - They went to camp.
[Aza] It's too loud.
Why is it so loud?
Excessive abdominal noise is an uncommon
but not unprecedented, symptom of a C. diff infection.
Even moderate C. diff infections can quickly worsen.
Damage to the intestinal lining
causes bacteria to spill into the abdominal cavity,
leading to a life-threatening infection.
You need to change the Band-Aid.
You're probably infected.
You need to drain the infection. Drain it and clean it.
Put on a new Band-Aid before it gets any worse.
I gotta go to my locker.
Most C. diff cases occur in hospitals.
You haven't been to a hospital, but you're sweating and you feel hot.
You probably have a fever.
A fever is also a symptom of C. diff.
- Stop it, you don't have a fever. - [door closes]
You don't have a fever yet.
How could you forget to change the Band-Aid?
I really don't think I did.
You did, you forgot to change it, and now it's too late.
You have C. diff, and you're gonna--
- [song stops] - [exhales]
[winces]
Thought spiral?
Yeah.
[Daisy] Well, tomorrow, we're gonna hang out on my lunch break, right?
And by "hang out" I mean, you're gonna pick me up on my lunch break?
- Sure. - Thank God.
I'll see you tomorrow. Love you.
Bye.
[typing]
- No phones in the hallway, Aza. - [cell phone clicks]
No spying on your daughter during school hours, Mom.
You look tired.
You feeling okay?
Yeah.
And you're taking your...
Yes.
[bell ringing]
Hey, do you wanna go to a movie sometime tomorrow afternoon?
I barely get to see you during the week.
I'm hanging out with Daisy.
Maybe Sunday then?
[Aza] Maybe.
[gentle piano music playing]
Hey, everybody.
[Professor Abbott on video] Schopenhauer once said, "Man can do what he wills,
but he cannot will what he wills."
Our motives may be predetermined,
but it's up to us how we act on those motives.
And consider this.
If you alter a mouse's microbiome, the colonies of bacteria in its stomach,
the mouse will suddenly seek out different foods--
- [knocking on window] - [gasps]
[window creaking open]
Horrible news. I drew the short straw,
which means I have to get in the freakin' Kenny the chinchilla costume.
And B.O. Brian was in it all morning.
So, let's make this lunch break count.
Really?
You know you're not allowed to drink non-clear liquids in Harold.
It's vanilla. It's clear-adjacent.
Fine.
[sucking]
Empty.
- Happy? - Mm-hmm.
[lock clicks]
[Daisy clicks tongue, sighs]
Happy, Harold?
Yes, he is.
- [engine starts] - For what it's worth,
your dad is definitely smiling down from the great beyond,
proud of how anal you're being about his old car.
[chuckles] Radio or the CD?
CD, always.
Just think, of all the CDs that could have gotten stuck in here...
[player beeps]
...it wound up being the greatest album of all time.
[chuckles]
["Ms. Jackson" playing on stereo]
- ♪ I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson ♪ - ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I am for real ♪
♪ Never meant To make your daughter cry ♪
♪ I apologize A trillion times ♪
[speaking Spanish]
[singing along in Spanish]
[in English] ♪ Ooh, I am for real ♪
♪ For real ♪
♪ Never meant To make your daughter cry ♪
♪ I apologize A trillion times ♪
♪ On the oak tree I hope we feel Like this forever ♪
- ♪ Forever? ♪ - ♪ Forever ever? ♪
♪ Forever ever? ♪
♪ Forever never seems that long Until you're grown ♪
♪ And notice that The day-by-day ruler Can't be too wrong ♪
♪ Ms. Jackson My intentions were good I wish I could ♪
♪ Become a magician To abracadabra all the sadder ♪
♪ Thoughts of me Thoughts of she Thoughts of he ♪
♪ Asking what happened To the feeling That her and me ♪
Hi, Holly.
We'll do a veggie burger for milady. Hold everything but the bun.
And a blazin' Texan for me.
Extra blazing, if that's possible.
I'm having a day.
Let me guess, you have a coupon?
[Daisy] We do, in fact.
Anything to drink?
What are we, heiresses? Two waters.
If you tip me in quarters again, I swear to God.
Why is Davis on the news?
[Daisy] Because his dad is missing. That's what I was talking about.
You didn't hear me say that?
[newscaster] Billionaire, Russell Pickett, seemingly--
Do you hear me now?
Pickett Engineering was working on a massive construction project
designed to clean sewage from the White River
by expanding existing tunnels and diverting the creek
known as Pogue's Run.
Pickett had likely been tipped off
that he was being charged with fraud and bribery
and that his arrest was imminent.
- Yikes. - Mr. Pickett is a widower with two sons,
Davis and Noah.
Detective Dwight Allen gave us more details on the search.
[Dwight] The FBI is offering a $100,000 reward
for anyone who has information
that would lead to the discovery of Mr. Pickett.
- Holy shit! - Anyone with any pertinent information
- about this investigation should contact-- - Holy shit!
Who do you think is taking care of Davis and Noah?
Probably one of their bajillion servants.
They're rich. Rich people are always fine.
I think you're missing the takeaway here, which is $100,000.
What about it?
You and Davis used to be friends.
Yeah, for one summer at sad camp.
He might not even remember me.
He'll remember you. That shit bonds you for life.
And you're memorable.
Even if he does,
it doesn't mean I know how to find his missing dad.
Okay, but it gives us a leg up on everyone else.
We are not people to turn our noses up at a hundred grand, Holmsey.
I am currently washing ball pit balls for $8.40 an hour.
Do you know what I'm washing off the balls?
Do you?
- It's pee. - Mmm.
It's pee, Aza. Pee-pee.
Yeah, okay.
And as much as I would love to think
that my Star Wars fanfic is going to make me stupid rich,
just can't rely on that right now.
Ergo, we owe it to ourselves,
to our families, and to our futures to try and get this 100 grand.
That kind of money, we could order sodas.
[curious music playing]
I just don't get how Russell Pickett disappeared without anyone knowing.
I mean, don't rich people have a bunch of security cameras
in their manors?
Like, to make sure that nobody steals their jewels?
Actually, they only have one camera.
How do you know?
After that summer at camp, Davis invited me to his 13th birthday.
Some kid got him this motion capture camera
because he was really into tracking animals,
and in front of everyone,
his dad just turned all cold and said he couldn't keep it.
Why?
Uh, because...
[imitating Russell] "Privacy is the most important thing you can have,
and if you don't have that, you have nothing."
[scoffs]
It's a pretty crazy speech to give a kid who's just trying to enjoy his birthday
and not be sad about his dead mom.
Seriously.
Anyway, uh, Davis got upset,
and, finally, his dad caved and let him keep it.
Huh.
No, no, no, don't...
- Don't lean. - [music stops]
Sorry. Sorry.
Okay. So...
we've gotta get our hands on that camera. Do you know where he installed it?
Sort of.
We all helped him put it up in this huge tree near the river.
Holmsey, we have a lead.
- [cell phone clicks] - [typing]
- [whispers] What are you doing? - I'm on the phone.
Eric, hi. It's Daisy.
Yes, that's... that's actually why I'm calling.
I really, really need the afternoon off.
I'm pretty sure that I have...
[quietly] What's a highly contagious stomach bug?
Norovirus.
[in normal voice] Definitely Norovirus.
100% it's Norovirus.
It feels like Norovirus.
["Fig in Leather" instrumental playing]
Thank you. Okay.
- Bye. - [cell phone clicks]
Do you still have that canoe?
This water has to be like, 50% urine.
That's the good half.
Kidding.
[Aza] This water is teeming with bacteria.
[Daisy] What a day!
The sun's a-shining, the canoe's a-floating,
and we're about to live the American dream.
Benefiting from someone else's misfortune.
Could you please row a little gentler, so I don't get splashed?
Sorry.
[static crackles]
[Aza] The water will get on you,
and then it's only a matter of time before--
Hey, did you know that this river is the only reason
that Indianapolis even exists?
I know you're trying to distract me.
Yep, but did you know my thing?
[Aza] Bacteria can lead to Giardia.
So, back when Indiana first became a state,
there were all of these heated debates about where the capital should be.
And they noticed that there's a river right smack in the center of the state.
So, they're like, "Boomshakalaka, perfect place for our capital."
But then, after they made the announcement,
they realized that the White River is, like, six inches deep,
and there's no way in hell you can float a steamship down it.
For a long time,
Indianapolis was the largest city in the world
not on a navigable waterway.
That's actually really interesting.
Yeah, I knew you'd like that.
And look at that, we're here!
Almost!
[music fades]
[grunts]
Maybe this is a literal sign we should go home now.
Nah.
It's plausible deniability.
Now... [sighs] which way to that camera, Holmsey?
I have no idea.
[sighs in exasperation]
Why can't you have that super observant kind of OCD
that makes you an amazing detective
in all those crime shows that my dad watches?
["Dance Yrself Clean" playing]
[Daisy] Shh!
[imitating lightsaber]
[imitating hacking]
Does this look familiar at all?
♪ Walking up to me Expecting... ♪
No? Just woods? Okay.
[Daisy imitating lightsaber]
What are you doing?
Lightsaber.
[clicks tongue] You try.
You got it.
♪ Ah ♪
Wingardium Leviosa.
No. Wrong franchise. And I know that you know that.
[sighs] Can we please just go home?
This was an idiotic, massive waste of...
[music stops]
There's... there's the tree.
And the camera.
Yes!
[exhales]
What is happening up there?
I'm not exactly known for my core strength.
It won't sync with my phone.
Well, is your Bluetooth on?
Yes, my Bluetooth is on.
- Oh. - What?
- It wasn't on. - [clicks tongue] Aza!
- [cell phone dings] - [Aza gasps]
- Okay. It's working. - Yeah?
- Yeah, the photos are loading. - Okay.
Um, I don't want to alarm you,
but there is definitely a golf cart headed in our vague direction.
Wait. [sputtering] What do you mean vague?
All right, I think it's just making the rounds.
We're good. Relax.
Nope, not good. Very bad. It definitely saw us.
- One sec, one sec, one sec. - Come on, hurry!
- Okay, okay, okay. - Hurry! Good? Good?
- Yep, yep, yep. Mm-hmm. - We're good? We're good? Okay.
Okay. We're good. Okay, okay.
- [Aza breathing heavily] - Ah!
- What do we do? - [panting]
We "damsel in distress."
- Yeah, um... - [siren blaring faintly]
Oh, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.
Okay, all right. That's fine. That's fine, don't worry.
God.
[Daisy] There. There. There.
No!
- What are you two doing here? - [Daisy pants]
Other than trespassing?
Hi. Thank God. We, um...
We were canoeing and we must have hit a rock.
Multiple rocks.
We started taking on water.
[clears throat, coughs]
Barely made it to shore.
But Aza here,
she actually happens to be friends with Davis Pickett.
Maybe you could take us to him.
It would be my pleasure.
Oh.
Thank you.
Because if he doesn't know your friend, I'm calling the police.
Fun.
Sad camp does bond you for life, doesn't it?
["The Less I Know The Better" playing]
[Daisy] Whoo! Bumpy.
[door opens]
[Lyle clears throat]
[door closes]
Davis, you have, uh, some visitors.
[song continues on speakers]
Aza. What are you doing here?
Hi, Davis.
See, I told you they knew each other.
Uh, sorry, we hit a rock and washed ashore on your... mansion.
Uh, apologies for the intrusion.
Uh, well, I'm gonna... I think I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go make a phone call.
Um, make sure that we have that canoe insurance
that I was telling you about.
State Farm?
Sorry about Daisy. Um...
She's a...
Leo.
You know what's crazy?
I was just thinking about you.
You were?
Yeah, everyone on the news keeps using my dad's full name,
Russell Davis Pickett.
And I keep thinking, "That's my name."
That made you think of me?
I remember you said that your dad wanted you to have
your own unique name.
A sound you could make your own.
"A to Z and back again."
My dad made me a junior.
As I made juniority.
Well, you're not your name.
I'm really sorry about everything.
I'm sure he'll turn up soon.
I mean, I hope so, for Noah's sake,
[sighs] but my dad's a shitbag.
Maybe that's the wrong word.
He's a coward and a criminal.
He's probably holed up in the Swiss Alps, getting a massage right now.
Hey, wanna play the next one with me?
Sure, but first, say "hi." Remember my friend Aza?
[Noah] Sup?
Hey, nice to see you.
Uh, well, I should get going. [chuckles]
Do you need a ride home? 'Cause Lyle can take you. It's no problem.
Sure. Thanks. [chuckles]
I hope it's not years before I see you again, Aza.
[song gets louder]
♪ So, come on, Superman Say your stupid line ♪
[song stops]
- [sighs] Raccoon. - Raccoon.
- Coyote. - Coyote.
Are you gonna keep repeating me or...
I can stop if it doesn't help.
- [Aza] Raccoon. - [Daisy] Raccoon.
- [Aza] Nothing. - [Daisy] Nothing.
I'll stop. I'm done.
- Nothing. - [inhales]
- Nothing. - [groans loudly]
It's taking too long.
[Aza] Coyote.
Ew! Coyote eating a raccoon.
- Ew. - Oh.
Look, there! That's him.
That's literally him. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! [gasps]
Oh! He's escaping in Burberry because, of course.
Oh, my God, this is huge. This is huge.
Okay, okay, um, we know that he left in the middle of the night
because of the time stamp, and he brought a duffel bag.
I'm not sure what this gets us.
Yeah, me neither.
But it's something!
And lucky for us, Davis is totally into you.
So, we'll just hang out with him again and get inside the belly of the beast.
The mansion is the belly. Or is it the beast?
I don't know. I don't... I've never understood that saying.
Daisy...
- you really think he's into me? - [scoffs]
Yes, and you're into him, too.
- I'm... I'm not. - You are, too.
He's literally so hot. Are you kidding me?
Look at you, you're literally aglow.
- You're aglow. - No, even if I was, which I'm not...
- I'm not saying I am. - [laughing] You are.
It doesn't matter.
I'm not...
I can't date anyone, you know that.
No, I don't know that. Why can't you?
Maybe because the actual mechanics of it don't suit my talents?
The--
Like, swapping bodily fluids is my idea of hell.
And also, when you date people,
they say stuff like, "What are you thinking?"
And you're supposed to say, "I'm thinking about you, darling."
But you're actually thinking about how cows literally could not survive
without the microbiota in their guts.
Which means, cows sort of don't exist as independent life forms,
but you can't say that because it'll seem weird.
So, you're forced to choose between lying and seeming weird.
I mean, I think that's a great icebreaker for your future date with Davis.
[both chuckle]
I'm--
Look, it is definitely weird, but in the best kind of way.
Like you, Holmsey.
You know what? I bet that if you guys actually kissed,
you would not be thinking about--
Eighty million microbes.
Ooh.
What if his microbes are better than yours?
Right?
Like, maybe if you guys made out, you'd get healthier.
[snorting] Maybe.
[gasps] What if you got superpowers from his microbes?
Yes. Oh, my God.
"She was a normal girl until she kissed a billionaire,
and then she became 'Micro Bianca...
- Queen of the Microbe!'" - Shh! Stop! Stop!
[Daisy snoring]
[Davis] "The greatest weapon against stress is
our ability to choose one thought over another."
[somber instrumental music playing]
William James.
What superpower did William James have? [chuckles]
I can't choose my thoughts like I can't choose my name.
With everyone snooping around my family's business,
I think it's time to shut this account down.
So, this is goodbye, my friends.
Then again, uh,
no one ever says goodbye unless they want to see you again.
- [school bell ringing] - [music fades]
- Hey, Aza, how's it goin'? - [Aza] Hey.
It's good. Uh, what's up?
Listen, I don't wanna mess up our friend group,
because it's really great and I don't wanna make anything weird,
but do you think--
And you can... you can totally tell me no
and I won't be offended or anything. [chuckles]
- Uh... - But--
I... I don't really think I can date anyone right now.
Uh, this is awkward.
I was gonna ask [chuckles]
if you think Daisy would wanna go out with me
or if that's crazy?
But I mean, you're great, too, Aza.
- You know-- - Yes, yes, that's... that's a good idea.
I mean, you should talk to her, not me,
but by all means, go for it.
[both chuckle]
This is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed right now.
No, no, no. I mean, you're beautiful, too, Aza.
It's just, you know, I've known her since--
Mmm. No. It's good. We're good.
[Daisy] I guess it makes sense.
He's been pining over me for months.
Really?
How do you know?
Because I have eyes.
[Aza giggles]
So, what are you gonna say?
I'm down.
Figure one date can't hurt.
And now, me and Mychal can go out with you and Davis.
We'll all wind up back at the castle,
I'll sneak off and snoop around while you and Davis...
Boom-diddy-boom-boom.
Hey.
What is...
It's porn music.
Okay.
Even if I agree to go along with this, Davis didn't ask me out.
Aza, you don't have to wait for a boy to ask you out.
What are you, a handmaiden?
Just text him. Tell him that some friends are getting together
for burgers this weekend.
Trust me, he's going to say yes.
- We're texting him now. - [sighs]
[typing]
7:00?
- 7:00 work? - Yeah, sure.
P.M.? Or do you think he knows that it's--
I mean, it's not like breakfast.
[typing]
Okay.
Breezy, very breezy.
[message whooshes]
[cell phone dinging, vibrating]
- Did he answer really fast? - Yeah.
- What do we wear? - Evening gowns. Duh.
[funky instrumental music playing]
[sighs]
Hey, have you ever gotten a dick pic?
Uh...
I mean, I've seen one.
Of course you've seen one.
I'm asking if you've ever received a dick pic totally unsolicited.
- Like, as a form of introduction. - Oh.
Like, "Hey, nice to meet you. I'm a penis."
Uh-huh.
Yeah, no. I haven't.
[Daisy sighs]
A fan literally sent me one.
It's just like, what is the thought process? You know?
"I really enjoyed this story you wrote
about Rey and Chewbacca's romantic adventure
- scavenging a Tul'kar's spaceship." - [sighs]
"So, as a thank you to the author,
here's a photograph of my disembodied, flaccid penis."
- [door opens] - [gasps]
- [music stops] - Hi, guys.
Hey.
What are you lookin' at?
- Social media. - We're just... Social media.
- Social media platforms. - Social media. Social media.
Did they change the dress code at Applebee's?
[Aza] Hilarious.
- We're going on a double date. - Daisy.
What? It's not a secret.
Shit, was it a secret?
With who?
- Mychal and Davis. - Davis Pickett?
Yep. Okay, bye, Mom.
Okay, okay.
You look beautiful. I love the lipstick.
- [door closes] - Ooh.
Lose the lipstick.
- [door opens] - [whimsical song playing on speakers]
- [Daisy] Hi, guys. - Hey, what's goin' on?
- Hey. - [Daisy] Hey.
- Hi. - [Mychal] How are you?
Hi.
Ooh. Not yet. [giggles]
- You guys come here a lot? - [Mychal] Bro, they're regulars.
Where else can you get a shrimp wonton, a chicken parm,
and a quesadilla in one fell swoop?
[all laughing]
Can we get a round of Dr Peppers, please?
Oh, Davis, Davis, Davis, soft drinks aren't covered
- by the coupon. - I think we can splurge.
That's your favorite, right?
Do you remember that?
[chuckles]
So, uh, Mychal just submitted one of his portraits
to be in this big pop-up art show they're doing in these abandoned tunnels.
Well, that's awesome.
Yeah, I... I don't think I'm gonna get selected, though.
[Daisy] You definitely will.
- [fading] You're so talented... - [static crackling]
[Aza] You're sweating, and everyone can tell you're sweating.
They probably think you're just a sweaty freak.
Aza, what's it like to be friends with a literary icon?
Aw, I don't think 80,000 readers makes me an icon. [laughs]
Besides, Aza has never read my fanfic. She's not a Star Wars girl.
[static crackling]
[Aza] Did you even change the Band-Aid today?
Yes, I did.
Are you sure?
Right, Holmsey?
[Aza] Say something. Anything.
- Right. [chuckles] - Yeah.
[Mychal] Plus y'all both got other similar interests, right?
- [fading] Like... - Yeah.
[Aza] There's no reason not to change the Band-Aid.
Just go change it and be done with it.
[Daisy] We also really like Applebee's.
Be right back.
[sighs] Anyway.
[tense music playing]
[Aza breathing heavily]
[static crackles]
It's infected. You're infected.
Bacteria are multiplying inside of you right now.
Do something. Do something. Do something.
- [door opens] - [tense music stops]
Hey, I'm just checking on you.
[door closes]
Does this look infected to you?
It looks exactly the same as every other time you've shown it to me.
- He must think I'm really crazy. - No, he doesn't.
Aza, I swear to God, he's so smitten,
you could literally start peeing out of your ears
and he would still be into you.
Look, he invited us all over to hang out, but if that's too much for you...
No. Let's go.
Okay. Good.
'Cause I'm gonna Nancy Drew the shit outta that mansion.
[both chuckle]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- Okay. [chuckles] Welcome. - Yo, what?
Oh, my God! Yo, bro, is that a Keith Haring?
[echoing] Then you got Picasso, and then you got Basquiat!
Nah. Wait...
- Did I just echo? - [Davis chuckles]
[Mychal laughing]
Bro, that's crazy. Wait, hold on, hold on. Basquiat.
- Basquiat. - [Davis chuckles]
Hey, yo, Basquiat. Oh, that's tough.
- Okay. Mychal, breathe. - Ba-- Sorry.
- [exhales] - Can we show ourselves around?
Daisy!
No, I mean... I... [chuckles]
Let's be honest, we're all dying to get some alone time anyway, right?
[Davis chuckles]
- Yeah, sure. Do whatever. - [Mychal] Wait, like, for real?
- Like, we could-- - He said do whatever.
[laughs] Bet.
[Aza chuckles]
And what's this one?
It's a Raymond Pettibon.
He's most famous for his paintings of surfers,
but I like his spirals.
He was a musician before he was an artist.
He was in Black Flag before it was even Black Flag.
I love it.
[warm sentimental music playing]
[Davis] You don't talk much, do you?
[Aza] I can get a little stuck in my head.
[Davis] Just say what you're thinking.
[Aza chuckles]
That's not something I normally do.
- Do you really want to know? - I do.
I was thinking that, deep down, I'm just an organism
in this vastness.
It kind of terrifies me that what I think of
as, like, my quote unquote "self" isn't really under my control.
What do you mean?
There's this parasite.
It only grows in the eyes of fish,
but the only way it can reproduce, is inside the stomach of a bird.
Once the parasite is ready to mate,
the infected fish suddenly starts swimming to the surface of the water.
The fish are literally trying to get themselves eaten by a bird.
Eventually, they succeed.
The parasite was in charge all along.
Sometimes I feel like a fish.
Not in control of my body.
Not in control of my thoughts.
I like the way your brain works.
It hums.
Where'd you learn that?
This philosophy professor, Lucia Abbott.
I've watched her TED talk, like, a dozen times.
She teaches at Northwestern.
I have this stupid dream of going there and taking her class.
Why is that a stupid dream?
[chuckling] I mean, it's insanely expensive.
And then there's the whole living in Chicago part,
which... would be new for me.
New things aren't exactly my strong suit.
Well, I'm sort of a new thing,
and you're doin' fine with me.
You're old-new.
It's different.
"Old-new."
I like that.
[Aza] If you kiss him, you'll get his bacteria in your mouth.
His bacteria will make you sick.
What are you thinking?
You really wanna know?
I do. [laughs]
Okay.
I was thinking...
"I hope she's not after the reward."
Davis, I'm not.
[music fades]
- I swear. - Aza.
I know why you guys were in the woods the other day.
You were looking for the camera, right?
I checked it, too.
Got a photo of him leaving with a duffel bag.
I never actually cared about the reward.
Daisy and I were just--
I just realized...
this is an entirely solvable problem.
[funky music playing]
[plastic rustling]
What are you doing?
[Davis] One second.
- Are you into lizards? - Hmm?
Oh, no, my dad is.
Although, that is not a lizard. That's a tuatara.
What is that?
I don't know, some leftover from 200 million years ago
that my dad believes holds the secret to longevity.
You can learn all about it
at the Pickett Center for Tuatara Research,
which is a real thing that he's leaving most of his estate to.
- That is insane. - Do you know what's worse?
The money doesn't even go to taking care of the damn thing.
It pays for studying its cells with all sorts of horrible experiments.
- [footsteps retreating] - [drawer opens]
[box rattles]
This is for you.
Oh.
Thank you.
Promise me you won't open it till you get home.
And if you still wanna see me, give me a call.
Or a text, or whatever people say that sounds casual and smooth.
[Aza chuckles]
Okay.
[mellow pop music playing]
I should probably go find Daisy.
It's getting late.
Daisy?
[Aza sighs]
Daisy?
Mychal?
[gasps]
[Davis clears throat]
Hey.
Hey, we were just, um...
[Mychal clears throat]
- Uh, we were, we were... - [Mychal] Um...
...we were looking for you!
- Mmm-hmm. Right. - [chuckles]
You weren't in here.
Found us.
[both chuckle]
- You ready to go? - Yeah.
- Great. - Let me see...
[mellow pop music continues]
[lock clicking]
[Gina] Aza, you're home late.
I know. Sorry. Traffic.
[music intensifies]
[gasps]
- [knocking at door] - [gasps]
- I want to hear about your date. - [Aza] I'm changing.
Good night. Talk to you in the morning. I love you.
- [gasps] - [cell phone clicks]
[message whooshes]
[cell phone dings]
[message whooshes]
[cell phone dings]
[message whooshes]
[cell phone dings]
[message whooshes]
[exhales]
- [cell phone clicks] - [gasps]
[cell phone dings]
- [laughs] - [music fades]
I'm so glad you're here. Holmsey, I have a lot to say.
Shocker. Listen--
First, I'm sorry to ditch you last night. Very uncool.
That's totally fine. Daisy--
Second, I know, I know, I know.
I convinced you to come so that we could snoop,
and then I didn't even snoop.
But Mychal is kind of amazing.
- And I want to hear all about it, but-- - Mmm, mmm.
The first room that we wandered into
had a fireplace with a remote control.
And then the next thing I know, we were cuddled up on this couch
that was also, like, a literal work of art.
And I don't... One thing led to another and I just let him, I let him--
Daisy!
[upbeat pop music playing on speakers]
Look. Look inside.
Oh, I'm more of a frosted blueberry kind of girl.
Just look inside.
[Daisy scoffs]
[laughs awkwardly]
[exhales]
What in the shit is this?
Davis gave it to me.
I'm not sure if it really makes sense, or if it's ethical. I don't--
Oh, no, no, no.
For once in your life, Aza, do not overthink this.
Oh.
Should I have not come here to tell you you're rich?
It's okay, I can just hold on to your half.
Wait!
Half of this is mine?
There's 50 grand for each of us.
- [music stops] - [Daisy squealing, laughing]
- Oh! Ooh! - [chuckles nervously]
Do you actually think we can keep it?
Hell yes, we can keep it!
Holmsey, I am so done with the idea
that there is, like, nobility in turning down money.
This is gonna change our lives.
I'm actually gonna go to college. Not at night.
Well, it's not enough to pay for all of college.
[sighs] Yeah, I know that, Queen Buzzkill.
But it'll make paying for college a hell of a lot easier.
Aza, you can put this towards Northwestern.
My mom can't know about this money.
Duh, my parents would make me split it with my sister.
No. No. No!
Now, I need you to just accept that the universe
is being awesome with us right now
and lean the eff in.
- I'll try. - Ooh.
Let's go get the finest meal Indianapolis has to offer.
[upbeat country music plays]
[Daisy] Hi, Holly.
Two red wines, please. We're celebrating.
- [Holly] Yeah, nice try. - [clicks tongue] Okay.
Uh, fine, what is your best steak?
The shrimp and parm sirloin is our most popular.
Woof. Okay.
Uh, I will get my usual blazin' Texan burger,
but I would like to upgrade my side to onion rings.
And, yes, I know that it's extra.
- [Holly] And you? - A veggie burger.
Uh, no tomatoes, cheese, mayonnaise, onions--
Yeah, I know your order.
- Do you have a coupon? - [laughing] No.
Not today, Holly. Not today.
[curious music playing]
[typing]
[music fades]
Um...
What is that?
Oh. [chuckles] Isn't he fabulous?
I'm naming him Liam.
I thought we were saving the money for college.
We are. Most of it.
But I talked the car salesman down to $8,400 from $10,000,
so in a way, I made money.
In no way did you make any money.
But you already had a car.
- I'm just saying. - Okay.
Oh. Mychal got into that art show. It's in a couple weeks.
I know that dirty tunnels might be a lot for you,
but is there any way that you could come with me?
Um... Maybe.
[cell phone dings]
Aw.
Mychal wants to meet up before homeroom.
Ugh! I love how into me he is.
["Sunflower Vol. 6" playing]
- [typing] - [message whooshes]
[message whooshes]
Now, how I'mma capture the curve of your face if you keep moving?
Girl, hold still.
You hold still.
[Mychal] That doesn't even make any sense.
[Daisy] Holding still.
♪ Wondering, headshake ♪
♪ Tired eyes Are the death of me... ♪
♪ Mouthful of toothpaste ♪
♪ Before I got to know you ♪
♪ I've got your face ♪
♪ Hung up high In the gallery... ♪
[music soars]
[singer hoots]
[cell phone dings]
[song stops]
- [whistle blows] - [gasps]
Ow!
Aza, can you at least pretend to play?
Sorry, Mr. Adler.
[Adler] All right, everybody, let's get back at it.
♪ My eyes want you more Than a melody... ♪
Mom.
♪ Let me inside ♪
♪ Wish I could Get to know you ♪
Mom?
- [Gina] Stop it. - [man laughs]
[Gina and man speak indistinctly]
- [Gina] You're terrible! - [Aza] Hi.
Hey, honey.
This is Evan, my friend Debbie's brother.
Um, you must be Aza.
I've heard such great things about you.
Evan is a contractor.
He came by after work to see if we could turn the garage into a bedroom.
Why do we need a new bedroom? We never have any guests.
Actually, I was thinking maybe you'd like it.
- For the future. - Like, when I'm in college?
I'll get out of you guys' way.
[chuckles]
It's nice to finally meet you, Aza.
- I'll see you later. - Thank you.
Bye.
- You want me to live in the garage? - No.
I mean, yes, but it wouldn't be a garage.
We'd make it into more of your own apartment.
[scoffs]
So, you think I'm too crazy to live away from home?
Aza, it was just an idea.
I was trying to get a sense of the costs.
And IU is close by and it's such a good school--
Got it.
I'm going over to Davis' tonight. He's picking me up.
[sighs]
[mellow piano music playing]
[Aza] I feel like we're back at camp, sitting at the lake.
You see that bright star up there?
The one kind of by itself.
Yeah, I think so.
Well, that's Tau Ceti.
It's 12 light-years away,
and two of its planets might actually be habitable.
- Well, probably not, but maybe. - [chuckles]
It's my favorite star.
Why is that?
I like to look at it
and think about how the Sun's light looks to someone
in Tau Ceti's solar system.
And right now, they're looking at our light from 12 years ago.
In the light they see, my mom has five years to live.
In the light they see, you and I are just kids.
In the light they see,
my dad just got me my first tricycle.
We go to the park, he watches me ride,
and he tells me I'm going so fast, he can barely see me.
In the light they see,
we have the best and worst of it in front of us.
Hey, how come it's so easy for me to talk to you?
I don't know.
Maybe because our hearts are broken in the same places.
[chuckles]
You wanna go for a swim?
[mellow romantic music playing]
[both chuckle]
- Turn around. - [chuckles] Okay.
Okay, you can look now.
[laughs softly]
Hi.
Do you have any big exams or anything Wednesday?
No.
Why?
I was kind of hoping I could convince you to skip school.
I wanna take you somewhere.
Where?
It's a surprise.
[inhales]
[laughs]
[music turns funky]
[cell phone vibrates]
[message whooshes]
[typing]
[Davis typing]
[Aza laughing]
[cell phone clicks]
[Aza] He's cute and smart.
And not just because he goes to a fancy prep school.
[music fades]
He makes me feel like I'm an acceptable girl to have a crush on.
And you don't feel that way about yourself?
I mean, I'm still crazy, if that's what you're asking.
Nothing's changed on the crazy front.
I would like to ask you to frame your mental health
around a word other than "crazy."
Um, can we try "courageous"?
[scoffs] God, that's such a psychiatrist move.
[chuckles] Look, Aza, plenty of people with anxiety disorders
have fulfilling romantic relationships.
Yeah, but how can I have a boyfriend if I hate the idea of kissing him?
Being intimate with another person is intimidating for everyone,
especially for someone who has already lost someone she loves.
[exhales]
What?
You don't have to make this about my dad dying.
Not everything is about him.
But you being afraid to get close to this boy,
I think it may be a little bit about him.
He was better with me than my mom.
He never made me feel broken.
He'd just tell me,
"You're right to worry.
Life is worrisome."
[melancholy piano music playing]
Uh, can we go back to talking about the cute boy again, please?
[inhales sharply]
Aza, I have to be honest with you.
I think your progress is being slowed down
by your refusal to take the medication on a regular basis.
And I believe your chances of having a relationship
with this cute, smart boy will be hurt, too.
I just think it's messed up.
The idea of having to take a pill to become your real self.
And here I thought you said you'd kill to have a mind that lets go of things.
And you said my mind is what makes me, me.
But it isn't my mind on the pills.
[Aza scoffs]
It's a real catch-22, isn't it?
[doorbell rings]
[automated voice] Someone's at the door.
[lock clicks open]
[Aza] Hey.
I'm, uh, here to hang out with your brother.
Oh, yeah, I know.
He's been trying on different outfits all morning.
Hey, Davis. Your girlfriend's here.
- Oh, I'm... I'm not his girlfriend. - Sure.
Hey, can I show you something?
[mellow curious music playing]
Davis said you and your friend were trying to find my dad.
Oh, uh, no. Not really.
- Um, I mean, I-- - Uh, just check this out.
- A permission slip? - Uh, look at the back.
That's his handwriting.
[Aza] "Maldives, Kosovo, Cambodia.
The Joggers Mouth"?
So, Davis says those first three are countries where people hide out
when they're wanted in America.
But I can't figure out The Joggers Mouth.
Does it mean anything to you?
Uh...
No.
I'm really sorry, Noah.
[sighs]
[paper rustles]
Okay.
Hi. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Um, I was thinking really hard about
whether I can pull this sweater off or not. [chuckles]
- I like it. - No, you can't.
You ready to go?
- You have your own airplane? - No, my father does.
But my father's not here, so...
- And you have a full-time pilot, too? - You're looking at him.
You can get your pilot's license at 16, so...
Voila.
Aza, I'm kidding.
Meet Richard.
- He's a trained professional. - [both laugh]
[laughing] Oh.
- [Davis] Hi. - [Aza] Hi.
[Aza exhales]
["Zeitgeist" playing]
- [Aza typing] - [Davis] Howdy, Richard.
♪ Outside lies within... ♪
[message whooshes]
- You coming? Come on. - [Aza laughs]
♪ Soft spring winds Have blown... ♪
[laughing] Oh. What!
♪ Let the note fly ♪
♪ East-West ♪
[vocalizing]
[imperceptible]
♪ I never dreamed it could be like this ♪
♪ Takes a little time ♪
♪ Let the note fly ♪
♪ Hard time mantle of time... ♪
[Richard] Lady and gentleman,
we will be touching down in Chicago shortly.
Chicago?
Richard, it was supposed to be a surprise.
What are we doing in Chicago?
- It's still a surprise. - [laughs]
♪ Honey, honey, I know ♪
♪ For what it's worth... ♪
[Davis] You said you dreamed of going to Northwestern,
but that new things aren't really your strong suit.
So, I thought if you saw the school, it wouldn't be new anymore.
It'd be old-new.
Are we going on a campus tour?
Not exactly.
♪ Outside lies within ♪
♪ Peel the mandarin ♪
♪ Love has just begun ♪
♪ Somewhere In space and time... ♪
[softly] Come on.
♪ Like a bank heist ♪
♪ It's the Zeitgeist ♪
[song fades]
[Aza chuckles]
I can't believe Professor Abbott is right there.
Okay.
We have 90 minutes. Let's crack free will, shall we?
[students laughing]
You, eating Doritos.
Why?
[Professor Abbott] Is it because you were hungry
and you made that choice?
Is it because advertising works?
[students laughing]
Is it because there was only ever going to be one world,
and everything was predetermined from the start,
and you were always gonna take this class?
Well, in our reading, there was that part
where Kant said, "Freedom of the will must be presupposed."
So, I suppose I could've chosen any food, but I chose Doritos.
You did the reading. Wonderful news.
[students laughing]
And if we just assume that Kant was right, maybe we don't need the full 90 minutes.
But Kant was writing about this in the 18th century, right?
And now we have all these fancy brain contraptions.
In 2008, volunteers were asked to choose to push a button
with either their right hand or their left hand.
And the researchers found that they could predict with 100% accuracy
which choice the people would make
seven seconds before the person believed they'd made it.
[mellow music playing]
So, I ask you again.
When did you decide to eat Doritos?
And who made that choice?
I have no idea.
[students laughing]
[Professor Abbott] It's difficult to define these terms.
- I need to take this class. - [Professor Abbott] What constitutes
freedom of choice in a world where our choices are endlessly limited
and shaped by cultural forces?
I mean, she has a way of taking these old, dusty philosophical questions
and making them feel so insanely relevant.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Okay.
Why are we hiding?
Because she's right there.
[Davis] You should go talk to her.
- What would I even say? - Aza.
You got this.
[Aza] Hi, Professor Abbott.
I wanted to introduce myself.
I'm Aza Holmes, and I'm...
a fan.
Are you a fan of being my student?
No, I'm still in high school. I'm just visiting today.
But you're the reason I wanna go here.
I just think you're the most brilliant person in the world.
Oh, well. [chuckles]
Thank you so much, but I assure you that's not the case.
[chuckles]
It was nice to meet you.
Professor Abbott?
Yes?
I'm worried that I'm not real.
[music fades]
Why is that?
It's like what you said.
A lot of my thoughts and behaviors don't even feel like they're mine.
Like, they're not things I want to think or do.
And then when I look for the originator of my thoughts, the real me,
I never find it.
You know those nesting dolls?
The ones that are hollow and when you open them up,
there's a smaller one inside?
And you keep opening them until eventually you get to the smallest one,
and it's solid all the way through?
But with me, I don't think there's one that's solid.
I just keep getting smaller and smaller.
That reminds me of an old story.
Um...
There's this very famous scientist,
and he's giving a lecture on astronomy to a large audience.
And he's describing how the Earth orbits the Sun,
and the Sun orbits the galaxy, etcetera, etcetera.
And when he's finally done,
a little old lady in the back raises her hand and says,
"Professor, with all due respect, what you've just told us is bullshit.
The truth is, the Earth is resting on the back of a giant turtle."
So, the very famous scientist gives a smug smile and says,
"So, what is the turtle resting on?"
And the woman replies,
"It's resting on the shell of another giant turtle, of course."
And the scientist says, "And that turtle?"
And the woman exclaims, "Don't you understand?
It's turtles, all the way down."
You're imagining the true self,
the self that exists independent of circumstance,
as that turtle on the very bottom of the pile.
But maybe it's turtles, all the way down.
Maybe you're infinite.
[upbeat pop music building]
And I think your doubts make you more real, not less.
I think you'd do just fine here, Aza.
[laughs]
[laughing]
So, how'd it go?
Ah.
[both chuckle]
[Aza] His bacteria are joining your bacteria right now.
It doesn't matter.
People kiss all the time.
[tense music playing]
Millions of his organisms are entering your body right now.
[softly] Hey.
Is everything okay?
[Aza] Hmm.
Yeah, I'm just, uh...
Just a little nauseous.
Be right back.
[door opens, closes]
- What were you thinking? - [panting]
Everything was going perfectly and you had to ruin it
by letting his tongue into your mouth.
Why isn't it working?
- [static crackles] - [water running]
[panting]
You're infected.
You need to kill the bacteria now, now, now.
Oh, shut up!
Kill it. Kill every last germ.
Kill his saliva.
You know what you need to do, so do it. Just do it.
[music fades]
[breathing heavily]
Aza, what's goin' on?
When I get stuck in my thoughts,
it's not just the interesting fish stuff I told you about.
Okay.
Bacteria scares me more than anything.
I'm always worried about getting infections,
and once I start worrying, I can't stop.
That's why I liked your painting so much.
Because my thoughts are like that.
They're all, like, spirally.
So, right now you're thinking about whether you have an infection?
Kind of.
From kissing you.
[somber piano music playing]
We don't have to kiss. We can just take things really slow.
You don't understand.
It's not logical.
It's like I'm living with a demon.
And maybe you don't care right now, but you won't feel that way forever.
But it's not forever.
It's now.
[lock clicks open]
Oh, thank God.
- Where have you been? - [door shuts]
[lock clicks]
Why haven't you been answering your phone?
[exhales shakily]
I was with Davis.
I see you at school at the same time every single day, Aza.
Did you seriously think I wasn't gonna find out?
I don't know. I guess I didn't care.
- Well, where'd you guys go? - We went to Chicago.
To Chicago?
What the hell were you doing in Chicago?
He didn't kidnap me. I wanted to go.
Well, I don't care if you wanted to go.
What if something happened to you and I didn't even know where you were?
Or what if you got in your head and you needed me to calm you down?
You think you calm me down?
How, Mom?
Do you know why Davis took me to Chicago today?
[breathes shakily]
To see Northwestern.
Because he actually thinks that I can go to school on my own
in another state.
He thinks that I can study what I wanna study,
and live in a dorm with the other kids.
And maybe he's wrong. Maybe I can't.
But do you know how good it feels to finally have someone in my life
who thinks I can?
- Aza! - [door slams]
[somber instrumental music playing]
[cell phone dings]
[clicks mouse]
[typing]
[Daisy] "Chewie and I were on Tatooine where we'd stopped to pick up some cargo.
Of course, Ayala was with me. My best friend and my greatest burden."
[clicking mouse]
"Ayala reached into her mane of blue hair and plucked out a strand.
A nervous habit, but then, all her habits were nervous."
"Ayala never got anything right.
The more Ayala worried, the worse she made everything."
"Ayala sneered at my new Speeder Bike.
'I thought you were saving your money.'
Ayala had a Landspeeder from her parents. What did she know?
Ayala wasn't a bad person. Just a useless one."
[music crescendoes, fades]
[gasps]
[intense pop music playing]
[cell phone vibrates]
- [locker clicks open] - [cell phone vibrating]
[laughing, speaking indistinctly]
[cell phone vibrates]
- [music stops] - [Daisy] Holmsey!
Where have you been all day?
Can I ride with you to Mychal's later? My mom had to borrow my car.
And I need the deets on your date.
I just don't get it.
He whisks you away to Chicago.
You have the most romantic day in the history of ever.
[chuckles] Now you don't want to see him anymore?
Something else must've happened.
Did you guys do it?
No. I told you nothing happened.
Yeah, but that doesn't make any sense. I'm sure that--
I screwed it up?
[chuckles] What?
No.
You barely even changed my name.
You read my fanfic?
Yes, I read your fanfic!
You're my best friend. You didn't think maybe I'd read it?
No, I didn't.
Because I've been writing them since I was 11,
and you've never read a single one.
What? You never asked.
I shouldn't have to ask.
Other people's best friends would just
take a little break from endlessly contemplating
the inner workings of their own mind to think about other people's interests.
I came up with Ayala in seventh grade.
And, yeah, it was a dick move,
but maybe it was my way of coping with having a best friend who's...
Look, Mychal says that you're like mustard, right?
Like, you're awesome in small quantities, but a lot of you is a lot.
Got it.
I mean, have you ever stopped to think about what it's like for me?
I constantly have your back and you never have mine.
You're right.
All our friendship has gotten you lately
is 50 grand and a boyfriend.
But you won't even come with me to his art show.
Other people's best friends would...
[breathing heavily]
I mean, I know that you have mental problems and whatever,
but they make you extremely self-centered.
I am not self-centered!
What are my parents' names?
What are their jobs?
What's my middle name?
Do I have any pets?
You're just so pathologically uncurious
that you don't even know what you don't know.
- You have a cat. - Yes.
Congratulations, Aza, I have a cat.
I've had her since I was five. What's her name?
- I don't know. - No, you have no clue.
You have no idea what it's like for me, because you never ask.
I mean, you think you and your mom are poor or whatever,
but you got braces, and a car, and an iPad, and all that shit.
Do you think that it's just normal
to have a house with your own room in it?
And a mom who helps you with your homework?
I mean, your privileges are like oxygen to you, Aza.
And then you judge me for buying a car instead of saving it all for college.
And I try not to care, and I try to be understanding because--
Stop talking!
Jesus Christ, you haven't shut up in ten years!
I'm sorry if it's hard hanging out with me,
but imagine actually being me!
Imagine being stuck in my head all the time
with no break, no way out!
I'm sorry that--
And to use Mychal's clever little analogy.
Imagine eating nothing but mustard!
Being stuck with mustard all the time!
Okay, I shouldn't have said that.
And if you hate me so much then why don't you just stop asking me--
Watch out!
- [tense music playing] - [tires screeching]
[music fades]
[somber tense music playing]
[echoing] Are you okay?
[Aza] I think so.
[breathing heavily]
Are you?
You're hurt.
Aza, stop.
- [Aza grunts] - Stay still.
Aza!
[glass crunching]
No, no, no.
[crying] No.
[firefighter] Hey. Are you all right?
It's ruined.
My dad's car.
[firefighter] Honey, I've been doing this for a long time,
and I can promise, your dad's not gonna be mad at you.
[Aza breathing heavily]
I need help!
[somber tense music continues]
[music fades]
Hey, kiddo.
You're in the hospital, but everything's gonna be okay.
I love you so much.
Mmm, is... Is Daisy okay?
They gave her some stitches on her forehead,
but she's gonna be fine.
[sobbing]
I ruined Harold.
I know, baby.
Dad loved that car.
Dad loved you.
Am I okay?
You have a lacerated liver,
but the internal bleeding is mild.
- I'm bleeding inside? - Just a little.
[breathing heavily]
The good news is you don't need surgery.
- They just wanna monitor you... - [sobs]
...for a few days.
What?
No. [cries]
- No, I can't stay here, Mom. - Aza.
Please, please just do something. I can't stay here.
[gasping]
I have to go home.
I'm gonna get C. diff if I stay.
- You don't have C. diff. - I probably
already have C. diff.
No, you don't have C. diff.
Hospitals are where people get it, okay?
I can't stay here, Mom.
- I can't stay here! - Aza! Aza!
- Your liver is bleeding! We can't go home. - [crying] I have...
But I'll be with you the whole time.
- I promise. - I have to go. I have to go--
[tense pulsating music playing]
[Aza] C. diff is invading your body right now.
It's all around you.
You're infected.
You're full of bacteria colonizing you.
It's all colonizing you, and you can't stop it.
You can't.
You can't have a boyfriend. You can't go to college.
You can't have a job.
You can't even control your own brain.
You can't. You can't. You can't.
[gasping]
You know how to deal with this.
It's the only way. It's the only way.
[breathing heavily]
Come on, kill it. Kill the infection.
You have to. You have to. You have to.
Please, please think about something else.
Mmm!
I hate being stuck inside you!
You wanna feel better? You know how to feel better.
It'll just make me sick.
Do you wanna die of C. diff?
This is not rational. Your now is not your forever.
Kill the infection! Kill it! Kill it now!
- [music building] - [breathing heavily]
[slurps]
[gulps]
Please, let me go.
- Please, I'll do anything. - [slurping]
You can have this body. I don't want it anymore.
[dispenser rattling]
I am my way, I am not my will. I am my way, not my will.
- You'll never be free of this. - [gagging]
- You're possessed by a demon! - [grunting]
Do you want to die of fucking C. diff?
No! Because you will.
I will. You will.
[grunting]
- [door opens] - [Gina] Aza! No, no, what are you doing?
No, stop that.
- Stop it. Aza, stop that! - [Aza] You're disgusting.
- You make me sick. - [Gina] Help. Nurse!
- Stop it. - You're not possessed by a demon.
[music slows]
You are the demon.
[music fades]
You want some breakfast?
[Aza] Mmm-mmm.
My stomach hurts.
They had to pump it.
[sighs]
You can probably guess who that's from.
I called Dr. Singh.
Please don't be mad at me.
[whispering] I just didn't know what to do.
I'm not mad.
Thank you, Mom.
How are you feeling?
Well... [sighs]
not great.
I think it would be good for you to start seeing me more regularly.
I don't want you left alone with your thoughts for too long.
- Okay. - Good.
I also think we should give exposure response therapy another try,
and... and we can take it slow.
But, Aza, you have to take your medication.
Or we find another medication that works better for you
that you are willing to take, as prescribed.
- None of them have worked. - None of them have worked yet.
[calming music playing]
[Gina] ♪ We're here because ♪
♪ We're here because ♪
♪ We're here because We're here ♪
♪ We're here because ♪
♪ We're here because We're here ♪
♪ We're here because ♪
♪ We're here because We're here ♪
[Gina humming]
[imperceptible]
[Gina continues humming]
[stops humming]
[music fades]
[message whooshes]
[indie pop music playing on speakers]
[chuckles]
[Aza chuckles]
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm sorry it took so long for me to reach out.
It's okay.
I just-- I needed some time.
I missed you.
[static crackles]
I missed you, too.
I talked to your mom a few times.
[thoughtful music playing]
[fading] And she was actually really nice about keeping me updated...
- [Aza] Maybe you could kiss him. - [imperceptible]
It'll be different.
- [static crackles] - No, no, no. Don't kiss him.
You'll get sick. You'll have to go back to the hospital.
Then you'll get C. diff. You'll have to go back to the hospital.
- Then you'll get C. diff. - How are you feeling?
Are you there?
[static crackles]
Uh, yeah.
[music building]
- Sorry. - I asked how you were feeling.
Good.
Generally.
Uh...
Not so good right now, though.
Could you, um, maybe sit across from me instead?
I was hoping I'd be better.
I've been taking my meds and working with Dr. Singh.
I thought...
maybe, uh, I could even kiss you.
I think I am better.
But I guess I'm just not...
better enough.
Maybe we could text?
I just...
I need to be liked up close.
[door opens]
- [Gina] Hey, how was Davis? - [lock clicks]
Fine.
[Gina] Come here.
[thoughtful music slows]
You know, when you first started having thought spirals, I was so confused.
You'd been such a happy little girl,
and, suddenly, you were so scared of everything.
And I... I couldn't make you feel better.
But your dad got me through it.
This sounds crazy, but he'd make me stare at my reflection in the mirror
and tell myself all the things I did right that day, out loud.
And it worked.
For those few minutes before bed,
I actually felt okay.
He was the one person
that made me feel good at being your mom.
And now, he's gone, [inhales sharply]
and I can't calm myself down.
So, I just go about my day,
terrified that something bad's gonna happen.
[music fades]
Terrified that I'm failing you.
But you're not.
Okay. [sniffles]
I can do it if you want.
The mirror thing.
We can do that together.
No, that's okay. [laughs]
Oh, thank God.
Us doing that sounded really weird.
[Gina chuckles]
Aza, when the garage is redone,
we'll rent it out to help pay for your tuition.
- Really? - You will go to college wherever you want.
You know why?
Because you never give up.
That's one of the things I love about you.
No matter how scared you are, you never stop trying.
[warm gentle music playing]
Um...
Mom, I need to borrow your car.
[music building]
Davis said he needs to be liked up close, and I can't do that right now,
but I'm gonna like my best friend up close,
even if it kills me. [inhales sharply]
Hey, while we're telling each other things,
when Davis and I first started hanging out, he gave me $50,000.
It either goes to me or a tuatara,
so I'm putting it towards Northwestern, okay?
Great. Bye. [speaking Spanish]
Wha...
[exciting music playing]
[grunts]
[music fades]
[Aza in English] You need to be here for Daisy.
You need to be here. You need to be here. You need to be here.
[static crackles]
[dance music playing on speakers]
[indistinct conversation]
- Hey, Aza. - Hi.
Uh, I guess I assumed you weren't coming.
Oh, and I...
And I'm so sorry about the accident and your liver.
Oh, I'm fine.
This is awesome.
I mean, I don't understand art, but even I can tell that it's awesome.
[both chuckle]
I don't know about that, but thank you. Really.
- For coming. - I wanna be a supportive friend.
It's this new thing I'm trying.
[both chuckle]
[indistinct conversation]
[music turns thoughtful]
[Daisy] How's the liver?
[river gushing]
[Aza] De-lacerated.
How are you?
Oh, I got off easy.
Although, you'd never know it by how Mychal is acting. [chuckles]
He named all six of my stitches and wrote them each individual love poems.
I'm really sorry, Daisy.
You deserve the most amazing, supportive, attentive friend in the world.
Not one who almost killed you in a car crash.
[chuckling] Jesus, Holmsey.
You can sure hold a grudge against yourself.
If you can't tell, I've already forgiven you.
And I'm sorry about Ayala.
You don't have to be.
Yeah.
I do.
Yes, you can be exhausting, but you are not like mustard.
You're the most fascinating person I've ever known.
I love you.
- I want to be buried next to you. - [chuckles]
We'll have a shared tombstone.
It'll read, "Holmsey and Daisy. They did everything together.
- Except the nasty." - [both laugh]
[Daisy] Mmm.
[gentle piano music playing]
[Aza] I'm not like mustard, but maybe I'm like Indianapolis.
They had this shit river,
but they worked with what they had.
And they managed to build an okay city around it.
Not a great city, but not bad.
A B-minus.
Well, I think you're at least a B-plus. You and this city.
This skyline.
These tunnels.
This bridge.
[both giggle]
This sewage.
[laughs]
This tire, this cinder block, this...
- I don't know, what are those? - Wait, Daisy.
- Go back, go back, go back! - What?
Isn't that...
[tense music playing]
[exhales shakily]
[Daisy gasps]
Pogue's Run.
Daisy, the spot where a river ends,
- isn't it called... - A mouth?
This is The Joggers Mouth.
What?
It was something Pickett scribbled down right before escaping.
What's that?
A note to Davis and Noah.
The worst kind of note.
Do you think he jumped?
Should we call the cops?
I don't want him to find out from some random detective.
[music slows]
[imperceptible]
[music turns somber]
[music fades]
[somber piano music playing]
[imperceptible]
[music turns mellow]
[whooshing on TV]
[Gina] So, how do I look?
Um, like you're trying to get lucky.
- What? Is it too much? Should I change? - Mom, no. You look amazing.
And by "amazing" she means hot.
- [chuckles] - [doorbell rings]
Ooh! Get it!
Uh, tell Evan if he doesn't get you home by 11:00, you're in big trouble.
Big trouble.
Well, you are far too young to be my date.
[both chuckle]
[Davis] Hi, Mrs. Holmes.
Is Aza here?
[Aza] Davis.
I stole it from a lizard for you.
Thank you.
Aza, Noah and I are moving.
Where?
Colorado.
Noah got into a special school out there.
We just need a fresh start
after everything.
When are you leaving?
Tomorrow.
[Aza exhales]
You're a good brother.
[soft rock guitar music building]
It's a funny phrase, isn't it?
"In love."
You don't get to be in anything else.
In friendship, or in hope.
All you can be in, is love.
[softly] I think if I don't go now, I'll never leave.
Okay.
Goodbye, Aza.
[soft rock guitar music continues]
Maybe he'll be back.
[music fades]
Yeah.
Maybe.
"No one ever says goodbye unless they wanna see you again."
Daisy?
Yeah.
Do you think I'll ever be able to actually be with someone?
Yes.
[soft rock guitar music building]
I think you will.
I think you, Aza Holmes,
will have a very full life.
I think you'll go to college and study whatever you want.
And you'll have a career.
One that you're proud of.
And I think you will be with someone.
Someone great.
I think you, Holmsey,
will have an incredible love story.
[music turns triumphant]
I even think you'll have a family of your own one day.
You're gonna make a whole damn life for yourself.
I know it.
But I don't want to lie to you.
I think it'll be hard sometimes.
[music turns poignant]
I think, sometimes, you'll see that life unbuilt.
[music building]
But you'll always rebuild it.
And you will never be alone.
I promise.
Because you will always love and be loved.
And love is both
how you become a person and why.
Love, Holmsey,
is how you become real.
[music turns triumphant]
["I'm Not Perfect (But I'm Trying)" playing]
♪ Never in or out ♪
♪ Indecisive ♪
♪ Never did I think I'd be doing this alone ♪
♪ Now we're upside down ♪
♪ Blinded ♪
♪ I'll admit defeat I can barely sleep at all ♪
♪ I'd walk on water If I could ♪
♪ To be loved To be understood ♪
♪ What's it worth Was it for the good? ♪
♪ For the good ♪
♪ I'm not perfect But I'm trying ♪
♪ Pick my moment Then I'll dive in ♪
♪ I've had my fair share Of mistakes ♪
♪ So for now It's far too late ♪
♪ I'll wait until The tide's in ♪
♪ If it's all about The timing ♪
♪ I don't feel enough What's the need To rush for now? ♪
♪ I see clouds Without a silver lining ♪
♪ When I hesitate Nothing ever lets me down ♪
♪ I'd walk on water If I could ♪
♪ To be loved To be understood ♪
♪ What's it worth Was it for the good? ♪
♪ For the good ♪
♪ I'm not perfect But I'm trying ♪
♪ Pick my moment Then I'll dive in ♪
♪ I've had my fair share Of mistakes ♪
♪ So for now It's far too late ♪
♪ I'll wait until The tide's in ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
♪ I'll wait until The tide's in ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Dive in ♪
♪ Water ♪
♪ Dive in ♪
♪ Even when times Get difficult ♪
♪ Water ♪
♪ Dive in ♪
♪ Even when times ♪
♪ I'm not perfect But I'm trying ♪
♪ Pick my moment Then I'll dive in ♪
♪ I've had my fair share Of mistakes ♪
♪ So for now It's far too late ♪
♪ I'll wait until The tide's in ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ I'll wait until ♪
♪ I'll wait until The tide goes in ♪
♪ Water ♪
♪ Dive in ♪
♪ Oh, dive in ♪
♪ Water ♪
♪ Dive in ♪
[song ends]
[calming pop music playing]
[music fades]