WEBVTT
00:00:05.680 --> 00:00:08.000 align:center
Welcome to India's Got Latent.
00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:12.600 align:center
Are we ready to start the show?
00:00:14.520 --> 00:00:16.679 align:center
Let me ask you this one more time.
00:00:16.680 --> 00:00:22.760 align:center
Are we ready to start
Ai+ Nova Presents India's Got Latent?
00:00:23.200 --> 00:00:25.440 align:center
Quick delivery partner, Flipkart Minutes.
00:00:25.560 --> 00:00:27.479 align:center
Protein partner, Avvatar Protein.
00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:29.439 align:center
Fragrance partner, Wild Stone.
00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:31.480 align:center
Making out-- Sorry.
Make plans…
00:00:33.040 --> 00:00:36.080 align:center
Make plans and go out partner,
District.
00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:38.720 align:center
We have a banger panel for you.
00:00:38.840 --> 00:00:41.600 align:center
This panel is going to blow your minds.
00:00:41.760 --> 00:00:43.600 align:center
I've been posting episodes for a while.
00:00:43.720 --> 00:00:45.600 align:center
Don't look behind. I'll introduce them.
00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:49.279 align:center
You know, after such a long wait
00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:51.279 align:center
and getting screwed over so badly,
I restarted this show.
00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:52.839 align:center
So I took it easy
00:00:52.840 --> 00:00:54.480 align:center
for the first two or three episodes.
00:00:55.120 --> 00:00:55.960 align:center
Right?
00:00:58.800 --> 00:01:01.720 align:center
Yeah! So people started saying
the show had lost its spark.
00:01:03.120 --> 00:01:05.200 align:center
Make some noise for Rakhi Sawant!
00:01:26.720 --> 00:01:29.080 align:center
Make some noise for Ashneer Grover!
00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:34.320 align:center
Balraj Ghai!
00:01:35.360 --> 00:01:37.640 align:center
And Kushagra Srivastava!
00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:50.160 align:center
This is amazing.
00:01:50.360 --> 00:01:51.720 align:center
What a panel.
00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:53.840 align:center
- What a panel.
- What a panel.
00:01:54.600 --> 00:01:55.920 align:center
Welcome, Ashneer bhai.
00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:57.800 align:center
Give it up for Ashneer ji.
00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:02.840 align:center
You look a bit terrified.
00:02:04.080 --> 00:02:07.280 align:center
I'd barely gotten the last FIR quashed,
and you called me back.
00:02:07.520 --> 00:02:09.600 align:center
No, don't worry.
You can speak freely.
00:02:09.840 --> 00:02:11.400 align:center
Just like you did on the Kotak call.
00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:17.320 align:center
How are you, Ashneer bhai?
00:02:17.600 --> 00:02:19.439 align:center
- All good.
- All good?
00:02:19.440 --> 00:02:20.880 align:center
Why do you look so quiet?
00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:22.440 align:center
I'm just like this.
00:02:22.640 --> 00:02:24.120 align:center
You were like this
in front of Salman bhai too.
00:02:26.880 --> 00:02:28.919 align:center
But on a serious note,
00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:31.200 align:center
Ashneer ji has built many unicorns.
00:02:31.320 --> 00:02:33.240 align:center
And Salman bhai made a horse out of him.
00:02:38.040 --> 00:02:39.520 align:center
- Love you, man.
- That didn't happen.
00:02:39.720 --> 00:02:41.520 align:center
The trolls kept saying,
00:02:41.760 --> 00:02:44.599 align:center
"Just watch,
Salman will call you to his farmhouse."
00:02:44.600 --> 00:02:45.680 align:center
But he never did.
00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:48.440 align:center
- You wanted to go?
- Have you been there?
00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:49.920 align:center
Have you been there?
00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:51.680 align:center
- Where?
- To Salman's farmhouse?
00:02:52.360 --> 00:02:54.640 align:center
Yeah, I saw you.
He was having his way with you.
00:02:57.840 --> 00:02:59.400 align:center
I saw it with my own eyes.
00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:07.200 align:center
The last time Ashneer bhai was on a panel,
00:03:07.480 --> 00:03:09.400 align:center
he didn't let them release the show.
00:03:10.040 --> 00:03:11.800 align:center
I would just like to tell you, Ashneer ji,
00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:13.920 align:center
unlike Aashish Solanki,
00:03:14.480 --> 00:03:16.120 align:center
I have a good legal team.
00:03:19.400 --> 00:03:20.240 align:center
We'll see.
00:03:22.760 --> 00:03:24.640 align:center
We already have your signature.
00:03:26.440 --> 00:03:27.600 align:center
He had my signature too.
00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:31.400 align:center
He got scared seeing
how much you asked for.
00:03:31.560 --> 00:03:32.520 align:center
I have the money.
00:03:36.760 --> 00:03:38.480 align:center
This is definitely airing.
00:03:39.880 --> 00:03:41.200 align:center
Do you know Ashneer, Rakhi ji?
00:03:43.040 --> 00:03:45.240 align:center
I know his wife, Madhuri ji.
00:03:46.040 --> 00:03:48.480 align:center
- Yeah.
- She really roasts my wife.
00:03:48.600 --> 00:03:50.119 align:center
- She's in Lock Upp.
- Tell me this.
00:03:50.120 --> 00:03:50.960 align:center
Yeah.
00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:52.520 align:center
With your face,
00:03:53.200 --> 00:03:55.440 align:center
how can you call
my wife duck-faced?
00:04:00.040 --> 00:04:02.640 align:center
You must have a mirror at home.
00:04:03.240 --> 00:04:06.440 align:center
Otherwise, you can use the selfie camera
on this Ai+ phone.
00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:11.879 align:center
My job is to roast.
00:04:11.880 --> 00:04:14.320 align:center
Right? Or else why would Netflix
have me on Lock Upp?
00:04:14.720 --> 00:04:15.879 align:center
Just because her name is Madhuri,
00:04:15.880 --> 00:04:18.760 align:center
she thinks she's Madhuri Dixit.
00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:21.000 align:center
Your wife has a duck face.
00:04:22.120 --> 00:04:22.960 align:center
Yeah.
00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:24.400 align:center
So--
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:26.320 align:center
- I'm scared of no one.
- By the way…
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:29.759 align:center
So, baby, your wife's inside Lock Upp,
and I'm out here.
00:04:29.760 --> 00:04:32.040 align:center
Let's do some rising and falling.
00:04:35.800 --> 00:04:37.439 align:center
Oh, my God.
But Rakhi ji,
00:04:37.440 --> 00:04:38.439 align:center
thank you so much for joining.
00:04:38.440 --> 00:04:40.720 align:center
You're so beautiful.
You look so good today.
00:04:41.080 --> 00:04:41.920 align:center
Yeah.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:50.440 align:center
Ashneer is grover-ing.
00:04:59.160 --> 00:05:00.839 align:center
All jokes aside,
Rakhi Sawant was the first person
00:05:00.840 --> 00:05:03.480 align:center
to support me
during my controversy.
00:05:03.760 --> 00:05:06.600 align:center
And that's when I realized
I must be the one in the wrong.
00:05:11.320 --> 00:05:13.040 align:center
Are you complimenting me or roasting me?
00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:14.840 align:center
You guess.
00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:17.760 align:center
Have you seen any of Rakhi ji's work?
00:05:19.200 --> 00:05:20.720 align:center
I mean, does she even work?
00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:23.880 align:center
Keep poking her,
and she'll hand it right back.
00:05:27.400 --> 00:05:29.560 align:center
Give it up for Rakhi Sawant, guys!
00:05:33.280 --> 00:05:34.800 align:center
You're looking really beautiful today.
00:05:35.440 --> 00:05:36.360 align:center
This…
00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:38.400 align:center
I mean, for him.
00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:40.320 align:center
- For him?
- For Mr. Vulgar.
00:05:41.640 --> 00:05:43.520 align:center
- "For Mr. Vulgar."
- Mr. Vulgar.
00:05:43.840 --> 00:05:45.679 align:center
Yeah, I was a bit scared at first
00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:48.079 align:center
because I'd just finished
reacting to Lock Upp,
00:05:48.080 --> 00:05:49.600 align:center
and his wife, Madhuri, was on it.
00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:54.439 align:center
Later, I found out her husband
was coming here.
00:05:54.440 --> 00:05:56.080 align:center
So I thought,
I'll have my way with him today.
00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:00.240 align:center
Because he's all alone here, right?
In the rain.
00:06:00.600 --> 00:06:02.320 align:center
Drop by drop, the rain fell…
00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:09.279 align:center
You know, Rakhi ji, he--
00:06:09.280 --> 00:06:11.320 align:center
Shut up, I'm tired of coming on you.
00:06:14.160 --> 00:06:16.000 align:center
I mean, tired of coming on your show.
00:06:17.320 --> 00:06:20.040 align:center
Now, I have a new guy to play with. Wow!
00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:22.239 align:center
No, I was just saying…
00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:24.440 align:center
You know, he's worth
five billion, right?
00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:29.600 align:center
But he's wearing clothes from Lokhandwala.
00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:32.880 align:center
Really?
00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:34.519 align:center
Oh, my God.
00:06:34.520 --> 00:06:35.720 align:center
Darling, I'm with you.
00:06:39.640 --> 00:06:40.760 align:center
Who is this clown?
00:06:43.200 --> 00:06:44.360 align:center
Rakhi Sawant!
00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:50.359 align:center
He's a friend.
I asked him to come on Latent,
00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:52.520 align:center
but I didn't know
he'd come sit on the panel.
00:06:54.040 --> 00:06:56.800 align:center
I want the full experience.
I'm hitting the police station next.
00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:00.200 align:center
- Full Latent experience.
- They won't hurt a hair on your head.
00:07:03.640 --> 00:07:04.800 align:center
Catch me if you can.
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:06.039 align:center
But thanks for coming.
00:07:06.040 --> 00:07:07.719 align:center
You're a fantastic comedian,
00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:08.920 align:center
- Thank you.
- and I love you, brother.
00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.160 align:center
Have you really not seen any of my work?
00:07:18.120 --> 00:07:20.720 align:center
I want to see your work,
but you keep showing us something else.
00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:25.160 align:center
You will see it today!
00:07:30.880 --> 00:07:32.319 align:center
Hello! He's acting scared,
00:07:32.320 --> 00:07:34.400 align:center
but he is actually excited.
00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:38.920 align:center
And apart from Ashneer,
we have another failed entrepreneur.
00:07:40.880 --> 00:07:41.800 align:center
- Gentleman!
- Gentleman!
00:07:42.040 --> 00:07:44.440 align:center
You know, this whole place
belongs to his dad.
00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:48.479 align:center
And he actually took Habitat's
valuation to 200 million rupees.
00:07:48.480 --> 00:07:51.160 align:center
- Hey, thanks, guys.
- It started at a billion.
00:07:53.640 --> 00:07:54.520 align:center
That's just…
00:07:55.600 --> 00:07:58.119 align:center
Brother, you know it's thanks
to comics like you
00:07:58.120 --> 00:08:00.400 align:center
that the venue's valuation keeps dropping.
00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:05.519 align:center
Alright! Should we begin the fucking show?
00:08:05.520 --> 00:08:07.079 align:center
Yeah!
00:08:07.080 --> 00:08:08.880 align:center
Make some noise for the first act.
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:10.600 align:center
Sarthak Mudgal.
00:08:10.760 --> 00:08:12.480 align:center
Wow.
00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:28.760 align:center
What do I do with this?
00:08:28.920 --> 00:08:30.720 align:center
Just give us some sound effects
at the start. Rakhi ma'am…
00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:32.240 align:center
You gave it to the wrong person.
00:08:39.760 --> 00:08:41.159 align:center
Why are you shaking it down there?
00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:45.239 align:center
As soon as I play the guitar,
00:08:45.240 --> 00:08:48.239 align:center
just play the sound effect
for the vibe.
00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:49.639 align:center
When I give you a thumbs-up,
00:08:49.640 --> 00:08:51.319 align:center
please stop the sound effect.
00:08:51.320 --> 00:08:52.720 align:center
Bro, if your thumb is up,
00:08:52.840 --> 00:08:53.720 align:center
how will you play it?
00:08:54.560 --> 00:08:55.440 align:center
I'll use this hand.
00:08:56.040 --> 00:08:56.880 align:center
Okay.
00:09:15.920 --> 00:09:16.760 align:center
Let's go.
00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:09.720 align:center
Shout, "Oye."
00:10:10.160 --> 00:10:11.079 align:center
Come on!
00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:12.360 align:center
Two! Three!
00:10:12.840 --> 00:10:14.240 align:center
Four! Five!
00:10:15.560 --> 00:10:17.320 align:center
One, two, three, four…
00:10:24.040 --> 00:10:25.120 align:center
Four!
00:10:28.920 --> 00:10:29.760 align:center
Nice.
00:10:30.920 --> 00:10:31.840 align:center
Come on!
00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:37.640 align:center
Time's up.
00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:42.320 align:center
Oh, my God!
00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:45.200 align:center
That was amazing, man.
00:10:47.160 --> 00:10:49.080 align:center
So I give us a ten.
00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:53.200 align:center
Incredible, man.
00:10:53.360 --> 00:10:55.119 align:center
- You breathed life into us…
- Thank you, bro.
00:10:55.120 --> 00:10:56.080 align:center
by putting us to work.
00:10:59.000 --> 00:11:01.080 align:center
I hurt my hand from shaking it so much.
00:11:02.040 --> 00:11:03.080 align:center
Oh, my God.
00:11:03.400 --> 00:11:05.520 align:center
I'm the only one in all of India
who does this.
00:11:06.440 --> 00:11:07.479 align:center
I literally locked myself in.
00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:09.920 align:center
Locked myself in a room
and cut everyone off.
00:11:10.440 --> 00:11:11.840 align:center
That's how I got this skill.
00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:14.119 align:center
- But hearing "Ah" coming from inside,
- So, you--
00:11:14.120 --> 00:11:15.720 align:center
didn't your parents ask
what was going on?
00:11:17.480 --> 00:11:19.520 align:center
You know, those sounds from inside.
00:11:23.160 --> 00:11:24.000 align:center
Oh, my God.
00:11:24.800 --> 00:11:26.480 align:center
But this "Ah" is worth it, bro.
00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:31.160 align:center
Loved it, man. It was so good.
00:11:31.280 --> 00:11:33.360 align:center
- Thank you, bro.
- You're so confident, bro.
00:11:34.000 --> 00:11:35.000 align:center
What did you bring today?
00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:36.840 align:center
I brought my soul, bro.
00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:41.999 align:center
- Yeah.
- You have so many tattoos.
00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:42.919 align:center
Yeah.
00:11:42.920 --> 00:11:44.240 align:center
Tell us your favorite one.
00:11:44.920 --> 00:11:46.160 align:center
That's me playing the piano.
00:11:46.560 --> 00:11:48.240 align:center
- You got a tattoo of yourself?
- Yeah, I did.
00:11:49.040 --> 00:11:51.080 align:center
- Okay?
- You're such a narcissist, man.
00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:53.600 align:center
- Just a bit.
- Two are already next to me.
00:11:55.400 --> 00:11:56.720 align:center
- Now you too.
- Yes.
00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:59.600 align:center
A bit. Not a narcissist,
but yeah, I enjoy it.
00:11:59.760 --> 00:12:00.920 align:center
- Tattoo--
- Did you see the one here?
00:12:01.160 --> 00:12:02.080 align:center
It's Illuminati.
00:12:02.600 --> 00:12:03.880 align:center
- You're Illuminati?
- Yes.
00:12:04.040 --> 00:12:05.000 align:center
Are you a part of it?
00:12:08.360 --> 00:12:09.840 align:center
Is that a deep question?
00:12:11.720 --> 00:12:12.999 align:center
- I mean--
- "I am, and I'm not."
00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:15.280 align:center
I mean, I get emails from the Illuminati.
00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:18.200 align:center
And it's really weird.
After my first Illuminati tattoo,
00:12:18.800 --> 00:12:20.840 align:center
I got an email
at my personal email address
00:12:21.000 --> 00:12:22.640 align:center
that read, "Dear Sarthak Mudgal."
00:12:23.400 --> 00:12:24.640 align:center
The whole email was blank.
00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:26.720 align:center
"From now on, we're watching you."
00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:28.640 align:center
And you can't reply to that email.
00:12:28.840 --> 00:12:30.480 align:center
I got the same from the cyber cell.
00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:37.200 align:center
And replying to it was mandatory.
00:12:38.840 --> 00:12:41.679 align:center
- I couldn't even reply to it.
- Imagine, even he has a male.
00:12:41.680 --> 00:12:42.520 align:center
What about you?
00:12:42.640 --> 00:12:44.080 align:center
Oh.
00:12:44.600 --> 00:12:45.840 align:center
Where is your male?
00:12:51.240 --> 00:12:52.600 align:center
Man, this guy's scared of me.
00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:54.520 align:center
It's not like I'm going to suck you dry…
00:12:55.640 --> 00:12:56.480 align:center
of your blood.
00:12:56.800 --> 00:12:58.520 align:center
No, he's the one sucking investors dry.
00:13:00.800 --> 00:13:01.799 align:center
No, I keep watching.
00:13:01.800 --> 00:13:03.480 align:center
His car stops all the traffic.
00:13:03.640 --> 00:13:04.559 align:center
- Whose car?
- Mine?
00:13:04.560 --> 00:13:05.720 align:center
- His car, in Gurgaon.
- Oh, his.
00:13:05.920 --> 00:13:07.840 align:center
Yeah, investors are chasing
him down for their money.
00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:10.400 align:center
"Hey, there he goes, there he goes."
00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:11.919 align:center
"There he goes."
00:13:11.920 --> 00:13:12.760 align:center
I can see dead people.
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:14.159 align:center
- Oh!
- Okay.
00:13:14.160 --> 00:13:15.000 align:center
- Yes.
- Oh, my God.
00:13:15.160 --> 00:13:17.480 align:center
I see a shadow. I see a ghost.
00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:19.079 align:center
And I'm telling the truth,
00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:19.920 align:center
I'm not joking.
00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:22.159 align:center
"Where is it? Who do you see?"
00:13:22.160 --> 00:13:23.000 align:center
Right here with Samay bhai.
00:13:23.920 --> 00:13:24.840 align:center
Am I a ghost?!
00:13:30.920 --> 00:13:32.800 align:center
Oh, man! Do something, bro!
00:13:36.840 --> 00:13:37.680 align:center
Where did it go?
00:13:38.280 --> 00:13:39.200 align:center
What? Did your wig fall off?
00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:40.200 align:center
Oh!
00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:42.920 align:center
Where did it go?
00:13:43.280 --> 00:13:46.079 align:center
- It's on your head.
- Let me go, man. I wanna leave.
00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:48.880 align:center
- Should we call someone?
- Man, fix this for continuity's sake.
00:13:51.680 --> 00:13:53.280 align:center
Where the fuck did that shit go?
00:13:57.400 --> 00:13:59.840 align:center
- It's here.
- Why was it with you?
00:14:03.240 --> 00:14:04.240 align:center
Just put it on.
00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:07.759 align:center
It says you know who you were
in a past life.
00:14:07.760 --> 00:14:08.920 align:center
- Yes.
- Who were you?
00:14:09.280 --> 00:14:12.399 align:center
I was a kid who fell
from the top floor and died,
00:14:12.400 --> 00:14:14.919 align:center
and I was the only kid in that family
00:14:14.920 --> 00:14:15.840 align:center
who played the tabla.
00:14:16.560 --> 00:14:18.440 align:center
When I was born,
my ears were already pierced.
00:14:18.880 --> 00:14:19.919 align:center
- No--
- Are you dead now?
00:14:19.920 --> 00:14:21.680 align:center
- Are you dead?
- I'm alive.
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:23.280 align:center
I told my dad about this.
00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:25.520 align:center
My dad was there.
There was a dholak maker,
00:14:25.920 --> 00:14:27.120 align:center
a guy making a dholak.
00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:29.279 align:center
I told my dad
I had to tell him something.
00:14:29.280 --> 00:14:30.319 align:center
I was six.
00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:32.080 align:center
I told him, "You're not my dad."
00:14:32.440 --> 00:14:33.360 align:center
"Actually, he's my dad."
00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:35.920 align:center
Balraj tells his son
the reverse of this every day.
00:14:39.560 --> 00:14:43.519 align:center
You're either a good storyteller
or just fucked up.
00:14:43.520 --> 00:14:45.159 align:center
I can't understand it.
00:14:45.160 --> 00:14:46.519 align:center
- Bro…
- I'm scared of you right now.
00:14:46.520 --> 00:14:48.079 align:center
- Really fucked up.
- Cabbages have worms
00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:49.120 align:center
that get into your brain.
00:14:53.000 --> 00:14:54.440 align:center
It was all over the news.
00:14:57.480 --> 00:14:58.840 align:center
Alright, man. Sarthak bhai,
00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:00.440 align:center
your music was so good.
00:15:00.680 --> 00:15:02.360 align:center
- Thank you.
- Just went downhill from there.
00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:07.160 align:center
You put all the energy in us
just to suck it out.
00:15:07.400 --> 00:15:09.119 align:center
He put everyone to work.
00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:11.320 align:center
- Sorry.
- Yeah, I need to sleep tonight.
00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:12.640 align:center
Now tell us a good story, fucker.
00:15:12.760 --> 00:15:13.640 align:center
Go ahead, ask.
00:15:16.400 --> 00:15:17.840 align:center
Tell us about fairies.
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:19.440 align:center
- About who?
- Fairies.
00:15:19.800 --> 00:15:21.280 align:center
- About fairies? What kind?
- Yes.
00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:25.919 align:center
Oh, not those Malad ferries
that take people back and forth.
00:15:25.920 --> 00:15:26.920 align:center
Not those ones.
00:15:27.560 --> 00:15:29.999 align:center
You just talked about demons.
Now talk about fairies--
00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:32.519 align:center
- Nice stories. Give us a positive vibe.
- About angels…
00:15:32.520 --> 00:15:33.439 align:center
- Well, I--
- They are here--
00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:34.880 align:center
Look at all these beautiful angels here.
00:15:35.160 --> 00:15:36.080 align:center
Bro, say something now.
00:15:38.160 --> 00:15:39.680 align:center
I'm just waiting.
00:15:40.360 --> 00:15:41.279 align:center
Why should I speak?
00:15:41.280 --> 00:15:44.760 align:center
Are you able to see the ghosts
of his investors' portfolios?
00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:48.319 align:center
He's rich, so he's not speaking.
00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:49.840 align:center
I have nothing. I'm poor.
00:15:50.280 --> 00:15:51.640 align:center
That's why I have to speak.
00:15:52.400 --> 00:15:54.639 align:center
Bro, you talked so much about chilling.
00:15:54.640 --> 00:15:55.880 align:center
Where are your friends?
00:15:56.400 --> 00:15:57.439 align:center
My friends?
00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:58.600 align:center
- Yes.
- Don't you see them around him?
00:15:58.760 --> 00:16:00.600 align:center
- They--
- Come on, man!
00:16:01.080 --> 00:16:02.240 align:center
There are 23 of them.
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:03.360 align:center
Oh.
00:16:03.920 --> 00:16:05.240 align:center
But genuinely, friends…
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:07.200 align:center
I have one friend in life.
00:16:07.880 --> 00:16:08.720 align:center
Since second grade.
00:16:09.040 --> 00:16:10.640 align:center
A famous wildlife photographer.
00:16:10.800 --> 00:16:12.360 align:center
Takes great photos of lions.
00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:14.560 align:center
- Where did he jump from?
- What?
00:16:17.520 --> 00:16:18.559 align:center
Lastly, it says here.
00:16:18.560 --> 00:16:20.679 align:center
"If you got one wish from a genie,
00:16:20.680 --> 00:16:23.280 align:center
you'd go on a dinner date with Osho."
00:16:23.680 --> 00:16:25.880 align:center
I really believe in Osho, bro.
I listen to him.
00:16:26.520 --> 00:16:29.439 align:center
Before dying, Osho kept saying
someone stole his 40 million.
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:32.040 align:center
"Kept saying"?
Was he your cousin? "Kept saying."
00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:34.599 align:center
- Osho used to say,
- Yes.
00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:36.400 align:center
"Someone stole my $40 million."
00:16:36.640 --> 00:16:37.480 align:center
What did you just do?
00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:39.920 align:center
- 40…
- That's Osho's accent.
00:16:40.120 --> 00:16:41.399 align:center
- $40 million.
- $40 million.
00:16:41.400 --> 00:16:44.359 align:center
So about that $40 million,
I want to date Osho
00:16:44.360 --> 00:16:45.560 align:center
and ask, "Who robbed you?"
00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:48.439 align:center
So call him. You see spirits, right?
Call him.
00:16:48.440 --> 00:16:49.760 align:center
- Samay bhai, can I tell you something?
- Yes.
00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:51.519 align:center
- Yeah, call him, call him!
- That--
00:16:51.520 --> 00:16:53.080 align:center
He's standing right next to you.
00:16:54.400 --> 00:16:55.360 align:center
I'll ask him.
00:16:57.920 --> 00:16:59.680 align:center
He gave you a zero.
00:17:03.160 --> 00:17:05.359 align:center
Give it up for Sarthak!
00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:09.440 align:center
Time to score Sarthak.
00:17:09.560 --> 00:17:12.078 align:center
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- You were fantastic. And…
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:13.279 align:center
- Thank you, Rakhi ma'am. It was an honor.
- You--
00:17:13.280 --> 00:17:14.200 align:center
- Thank you, Balraj bhai.
- Yeah, very nice.
00:17:14.520 --> 00:17:15.919 align:center
I'll give you a nine out of ten.
00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:16.839 align:center
Thank you, bro.
00:17:17.079 --> 00:17:18.239 align:center
Yeah, nine out of ten.
00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:19.439 align:center
- Thank you, bro.
- Nine.
00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:21.399 align:center
- Thank you, bro.
- I'm giving you a full ten.
00:17:21.400 --> 00:17:22.799 align:center
Never see me after today.
00:17:22.800 --> 00:17:23.720 align:center
Thank you, bro.
00:17:25.280 --> 00:17:27.040 align:center
It's a ten out of ten from me.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:28.319 align:center
- Okay. Thank you, bro.
- Great job.
00:17:29.240 --> 00:17:31.840 align:center
That makes your average 9.5.
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:36.480 align:center
Nine! Oh, no!
00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:37.599 align:center
It's alright.
00:17:37.600 --> 00:17:38.920 align:center
Just standing here
is a big deal.
00:17:39.120 --> 00:17:41.120 align:center
You should've asked the ghost
to add 0.5.
00:17:43.880 --> 00:17:45.640 align:center
Make some noise for our next act,
00:17:46.200 --> 00:17:48.280 align:center
Surabhi Vanzara.
00:17:51.720 --> 00:17:52.640 align:center
Yeah? Should I?
00:17:53.080 --> 00:17:54.240 align:center
Hi, I'm Surabhi.
00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:56.560 align:center
I'm a stand-up comedian.
00:17:56.840 --> 00:18:00.560 align:center
And I work for a rich
Gujarati family…
00:18:01.120 --> 00:18:02.280 align:center
as a housewife.
00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:06.999 align:center
When I tell people I'm a housewife,
00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:09.200 align:center
they say, "You don't look like one."
00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:11.920 align:center
That's why I brought a rolling pin.
00:18:12.920 --> 00:18:14.240 align:center
To show them how I roll.
00:18:15.080 --> 00:18:16.200 align:center
You don't think so?
00:18:16.840 --> 00:18:18.000 align:center
Come here, I'll roll you.
00:18:18.440 --> 00:18:19.560 align:center
You don't think so?
00:18:20.280 --> 00:18:23.400 align:center
Why judge everything by looks?
00:18:23.600 --> 00:18:25.520 align:center
Yeah? She's talking.
Listen to her.
00:18:26.280 --> 00:18:28.480 align:center
I used to work before I got married.
00:18:28.800 --> 00:18:32.400 align:center
I was told, "Quit your job.
We have plenty of money."
00:18:32.760 --> 00:18:35.800 align:center
Whenever someone tells you to quit your
job because they have plenty of money,
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:39.560 align:center
unmarried girls should ask,
"Will you give it to me?"
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:44.200 align:center
Don't just go along with it.
00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:48.400 align:center
Having money is a fact.
00:18:48.800 --> 00:18:50.880 align:center
Giving it to you is intent.
00:18:52.800 --> 00:18:54.800 align:center
My life used to be pretty happening.
00:18:55.840 --> 00:18:59.440 align:center
For five years, I was in a live-in
relationship with the same man.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:02.520 align:center
Okay? Five years, it was a lot of fun.
00:19:02.800 --> 00:19:05.880 align:center
We didn't match horoscopes,
but our traits matched.
00:19:06.320 --> 00:19:08.519 align:center
He liked to talk after drinking,
00:19:08.520 --> 00:19:10.040 align:center
and I liked to listen while high.
00:19:11.360 --> 00:19:14.160 align:center
Perfect couple. Perfect, you know?
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:17.359 align:center
I ask people what they want
in a partner.
00:19:17.360 --> 00:19:19.880 align:center
- Some say loyalty--
- Hey, he stopped it.
00:19:26.800 --> 00:19:28.080 align:center
What just happened?
00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:29.640 align:center
He turned off her mic.
00:19:30.520 --> 00:19:31.719 align:center
- He--
- Is my time up?
00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:32.840 align:center
He…
00:19:33.040 --> 00:19:35.200 align:center
- I think it was over. Yeah.
- It was over.
00:19:35.400 --> 00:19:36.600 align:center
We were already done, man.
00:19:37.520 --> 00:19:39.000 align:center
What was that, Surabhi ji?
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:41.080 align:center
What? This was stand-up.
00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:42.240 align:center
Well, you were standing.
00:19:43.400 --> 00:19:44.440 align:center
Rakhi ji.
00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:47.040 align:center
After this, I'm starting
to become interested in you.
00:19:50.280 --> 00:19:51.720 align:center
Amazing.
00:19:55.240 --> 00:19:56.839 align:center
How bad was your act
00:19:56.840 --> 00:19:58.520 align:center
that he ended up liking her?
00:19:58.800 --> 00:20:01.480 align:center
No, it wasn't bad. It was really good.
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:04.919 align:center
How long have you been trying
to do stand-up comedy?
00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:07.319 align:center
Two years--
I'm not trying. I'm doing it.
00:20:07.320 --> 00:20:09.279 align:center
- My show is listed, okay?
- Really?
00:20:09.280 --> 00:20:11.280 align:center
- It's listed here.
- Where?
00:20:11.760 --> 00:20:12.679 align:center
Where?
00:20:12.680 --> 00:20:14.319 align:center
It's listed at Habitat too.
00:20:14.320 --> 00:20:15.160 align:center
Alright.
00:20:15.520 --> 00:20:16.520 align:center
This…
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.079 align:center
- So--
- I'll come destroy the venue for this one.
00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:23.000 align:center
This…
00:20:26.840 --> 00:20:29.199 align:center
Surabhi Vanzara.
00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:30.360 align:center
Surabhi, you should be in Vantara.
00:20:34.920 --> 00:20:37.320 align:center
That place is owned
by Gujaratis too, okay?
00:20:37.600 --> 00:20:39.519 align:center
Okay? Yes.
00:20:39.520 --> 00:20:42.799 align:center
Gujaratis are the richest people in
this country right now.
00:20:42.800 --> 00:20:44.760 align:center
Kashmiris shouldn't even be talking.
00:20:47.280 --> 00:20:49.599 align:center
- Excuse me.
- I told you I'd roll you out.
00:20:49.600 --> 00:20:51.839 align:center
Got my rolling pin for backup.
00:20:51.840 --> 00:20:53.160 align:center
- Okay?
- As a Kashmiri…
00:20:53.480 --> 00:20:54.480 align:center
You just keep quiet.
00:20:57.520 --> 00:20:58.440 align:center
Hold on.
00:20:59.520 --> 00:21:01.679 align:center
- As a Kashmiri--
- Okay, look,
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:03.040 align:center
- the thing is--
- Hear me out!
00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:05.439 align:center
She's not gonna let you speak.
00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:07.359 align:center
- Go on. You!
- As a Kashmiri-- Mother--
00:21:07.360 --> 00:21:08.720 align:center
Let me talk!
00:21:09.680 --> 00:21:11.760 align:center
They don't let me speak at home either.
00:21:12.040 --> 00:21:15.079 align:center
- Same story here.
- Surabhi ji, sorry, one second.
00:21:15.080 --> 00:21:16.920 align:center
- Go on.
- Yes, yes, it's a dialogue.
00:21:17.040 --> 00:21:18.519 align:center
- A dialogue, right? You brought up
- Yes.
00:21:18.520 --> 00:21:19.919 align:center
- Kashmir, and all that.
- It's a dialogue.
00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:21.839 align:center
- I'm saying--
- I'm scared.
00:21:21.840 --> 00:21:23.120 align:center
Come on!
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:26.160 align:center
Do you want
genuine stand-up advice?
00:21:26.440 --> 00:21:27.359 align:center
Yes.
00:21:27.360 --> 00:21:29.319 align:center
- You didn't take a pause.
- Not from you.
00:21:29.320 --> 00:21:31.239 align:center
The 90-second timer was running.
00:21:31.240 --> 00:21:33.320 align:center
So you should've paused for 90 seconds.
00:21:42.080 --> 00:21:43.879 align:center
We want you to do something…
00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:45.480 align:center
Some kind of performance that--
00:21:45.760 --> 00:21:48.359 align:center
- An elephant and an ant…
- Yeah, go on.
00:21:48.360 --> 00:21:50.519 align:center
Yeah, I mean, both of them…
00:21:50.520 --> 00:21:52.400 align:center
This is a story from her Vantara days.
00:21:54.840 --> 00:21:58.840 align:center
No! The joke is based
on the average IQ of this place.
00:21:59.760 --> 00:22:01.239 align:center
- Oh, my God!
- Okay?
00:22:01.240 --> 00:22:02.920 align:center
So an elephant and an ant
00:22:03.760 --> 00:22:05.320 align:center
went to a club.
00:22:05.800 --> 00:22:09.520 align:center
And they created
a panel show.
00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:13.200 align:center
And then such crazy things happened--
00:22:13.360 --> 00:22:16.080 align:center
That ant was abroad and…
00:22:16.680 --> 00:22:17.760 align:center
That's it.
00:22:19.160 --> 00:22:22.320 align:center
But truly, as a housewife,
you sure know how to bore us.
00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:26.560 align:center
You give off major Komolika vibes.
00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:28.439 align:center
- Okay.
- I could hear the score going
00:22:28.440 --> 00:22:29.800 align:center
"Nika" while you talked.
00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:32.439 align:center
Nika…
00:22:32.440 --> 00:22:35.280 align:center
If it plays behind you,
it'd seem very appropriate.
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:37.320 align:center
Looks like you'll fly away on a broom.
00:22:38.560 --> 00:22:39.840 align:center
What's your name, sir?
00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:45.160 align:center
I seriously don't know.
00:22:46.280 --> 00:22:47.840 align:center
I do know everybody else.
00:22:49.840 --> 00:22:50.759 align:center
That was a good one.
00:22:50.760 --> 00:22:52.479 align:center
No, I really don't know.
00:22:52.480 --> 00:22:54.600 align:center
See, I'm just trying to push you
so this comes out.
00:22:55.360 --> 00:22:57.880 align:center
"For my housekeeper
to fall in love with me."
00:22:58.080 --> 00:22:59.760 align:center
That's the wish you wrote here.
00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:03.319 align:center
Yeah, because as a housewife,
the biggest thing
00:23:03.320 --> 00:23:05.480 align:center
in my life is my house help.
00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:07.399 align:center
Because when she doesn't come,
00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:09.279 align:center
I get very mentally disturbed.
00:23:09.280 --> 00:23:10.999 align:center
- And the house--
- So she didn't come today?
00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:11.840 align:center
Yeah?
00:23:13.720 --> 00:23:15.240 align:center
- She did.
- She did?
00:23:15.440 --> 00:23:17.319 align:center
And this is your normal.
00:23:17.320 --> 00:23:20.000 align:center
No, no, this is all thanks to you.
00:23:20.120 --> 00:23:22.200 align:center
Meeting you is not easy, Samay.
00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:25.320 align:center
It's quite mentally disturbing.
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:27.600 align:center
You disturb the entire country.
00:23:30.920 --> 00:23:31.760 align:center
See?
00:23:32.120 --> 00:23:34.479 align:center
Were you nervous today?
Because of me?
00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:37.159 align:center
- What happened? Explain.
- Don't flatter yourself.
00:23:37.160 --> 00:23:39.599 align:center
I said mentally disturbed, not nervous.
00:23:39.600 --> 00:23:40.920 align:center
You got disturbed around me?
00:23:41.120 --> 00:23:42.000 align:center
Slightly.
00:23:43.240 --> 00:23:45.360 align:center
This thing you tied around here,
tie it a little tighter.
00:23:50.040 --> 00:23:53.759 align:center
Surabhi, I extend a hand of
friendship, and you do this.
00:23:53.760 --> 00:23:55.880 align:center
No, I even extended a hand of friendship
00:23:56.040 --> 00:23:58.520 align:center
so we could meet at the same level.
00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:00.240 align:center
You want to drop me that low?
00:24:01.840 --> 00:24:03.239 align:center
I'm just making jokes, okay?
00:24:03.240 --> 00:24:04.680 align:center
- Because someone has to.
- Me too.
00:24:05.480 --> 00:24:07.599 align:center
- Me too.
- Where are you making jokes, Surabhi ji?
00:24:07.600 --> 00:24:09.799 align:center
You'll need some time. Lag time.
00:24:09.800 --> 00:24:12.239 align:center
- Watch the edit.
- Samay, my mind is fucked,
00:24:12.240 --> 00:24:13.240 align:center
just end this.
00:24:16.000 --> 00:24:17.120 align:center
I swear.
00:24:19.560 --> 00:24:21.320 align:center
Rakhi ji's been quiet for a while.
00:24:21.600 --> 00:24:23.680 align:center
Rakhi ji, what do you have to say
00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:25.599 align:center
to our upcoming comedian?
00:24:25.600 --> 00:24:27.600 align:center
I'm a huge Rakhi fan, by the way.
00:24:28.120 --> 00:24:30.279 align:center
I'm a huge-- You're an inspiration
00:24:30.280 --> 00:24:32.239 align:center
to every woman out there.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:33.679 align:center
- Thank you so much.
- I really mean it.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:35.760 align:center
You're a huge inspiration.
00:24:35.880 --> 00:24:37.279 align:center
I don't even think-- I mean,
00:24:37.280 --> 00:24:40.520 align:center
you don't even know how many women
you inspire every day
00:24:40.760 --> 00:24:42.799 align:center
with all the rubbish you talk.
00:24:42.800 --> 00:24:43.680 align:center
Yeah.
00:24:54.360 --> 00:24:55.320 align:center
I love you.
00:24:56.440 --> 00:24:58.280 align:center
She praised me so much.
00:24:58.560 --> 00:24:59.519 align:center
Until the last line.
00:24:59.520 --> 00:25:02.400 align:center
My mind--
I'll throw this chair at you.
00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:05.080 align:center
Don't you fuckers hold auditions?
00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:14.039 align:center
We really should hold auditions.
00:25:14.040 --> 00:25:15.999 align:center
Surabhi ji, you're very hit and miss.
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.520 align:center
You either totally kill it
or totally bomb.
00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:20.040 align:center
Yeah.
00:25:20.600 --> 00:25:23.400 align:center
No, but if Surabhi gets a good,
solid script,
00:25:23.760 --> 00:25:25.279 align:center
- she can do her best.
- Yeah.
00:25:25.280 --> 00:25:26.199 align:center
Yeah.
00:25:26.200 --> 00:25:27.920 align:center
She's actually doing very well
without it.
00:25:28.120 --> 00:25:29.119 align:center
You shut up.
00:25:29.120 --> 00:25:31.520 align:center
This is your venue,
so she's praising you.
00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:33.119 align:center
She has a show lined up here.
00:25:33.120 --> 00:25:34.520 align:center
I'm trying to sell tickets.
00:25:39.120 --> 00:25:41.320 align:center
I had a different kind of fun with you,
to be honest.
00:25:42.280 --> 00:25:44.359 align:center
I give you an eight out of ten.
00:25:44.360 --> 00:25:46.680 align:center
Really? That much?
Are you crazy?
00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:51.560 align:center
I give you a six.
00:25:52.680 --> 00:25:53.560 align:center
Six.
00:25:54.120 --> 00:25:55.039 align:center
Rakhi ji?
00:25:55.040 --> 00:25:56.040 align:center
I'll give you an eight.
00:25:58.280 --> 00:25:59.160 align:center
Four.
00:25:59.880 --> 00:26:00.840 align:center
Four.
00:26:02.360 --> 00:26:04.159 align:center
Surabhi, I'm not giving you marks
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:05.679 align:center
for your performance.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:07.599 align:center
I'm only giving you marks for
00:26:07.600 --> 00:26:10.199 align:center
going head-to-head with Samay
00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:11.719 align:center
- Yeah.
- and the panel, for the last,
00:26:11.720 --> 00:26:12.760 align:center
God knows how long.
00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:15.080 align:center
Just for that, it's a nine out of ten.
00:26:15.560 --> 00:26:17.439 align:center
Amazing.
That's so sweet of you.
00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:19.920 align:center
And that makes your average a seven.
00:26:22.120 --> 00:26:23.679 align:center
- You gave yourself a ten?
- Of course.
00:26:23.680 --> 00:26:24.600 align:center
Someone has to.
00:26:27.040 --> 00:26:28.800 align:center
Thank you so much, Surabhi ji.
00:26:29.040 --> 00:26:31.439 align:center
A huge round of applause for Surabhi!
Come on.
00:26:31.440 --> 00:26:34.040 align:center
Make some noise for the next act, Maya!
00:26:37.800 --> 00:26:38.920 align:center
Where is Maya?
00:26:40.640 --> 00:26:42.160 align:center
Hey, she's stumbling in.
00:26:42.320 --> 00:26:43.600 align:center
- Is she drunk?
- One minute.
00:26:47.480 --> 00:26:48.360 align:center
Hi, Maya.
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:49.760 align:center
What you gonna do?
00:26:49.880 --> 00:26:50.840 align:center
Hi, Maya.
00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:53.720 align:center
- She froze.
- Is Maya an introvert?
00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:55.040 align:center
Hey!
00:26:55.800 --> 00:26:57.640 align:center
Hey, Maya's trying to scare us.
00:26:59.600 --> 00:27:00.679 align:center
What is she going to do?
00:27:00.680 --> 00:27:02.120 align:center
Does Maya just build tension?
00:27:02.480 --> 00:27:04.200 align:center
Oh! Maya's about to do something.
00:27:20.080 --> 00:27:20.920 align:center
Boring.
00:27:22.520 --> 00:27:24.000 align:center
Because he was outstanding in the field.
00:27:25.480 --> 00:27:27.240 align:center
Predictable. Predictable.
00:27:27.480 --> 00:27:28.360 align:center
Third joke.
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:31.560 align:center
Goddamn it!
00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:34.999 align:center
They brought me from the future,
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:37.119 align:center
pulled some jokes from ChatGPT,
00:27:37.120 --> 00:27:38.800 align:center
shoved them into my system,
and sent me.
00:27:39.320 --> 00:27:40.280 align:center
Assholes.
00:27:40.440 --> 00:27:42.760 align:center
These engineers know nothing about humor.
00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:45.079 align:center
They sit at laptops all day,
00:27:45.080 --> 00:27:47.399 align:center
then send me to India's Got Latent
00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:49.239 align:center
to act like they're cool.
00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:51.799 align:center
I was told to be scared of Samay.
00:27:51.800 --> 00:27:53.320 align:center
He roasts people a lot.
00:27:53.520 --> 00:27:54.520 align:center
Come on, ben-klot.
00:27:54.680 --> 00:27:55.800 align:center
I'm from the future.
00:27:56.040 --> 00:27:59.560 align:center
-"Ben-klot."
- In 2047, Balraj is a changed man.
00:27:59.920 --> 00:28:03.040 align:center
He doesn't just love his kids,
he loves every kid.
00:28:03.360 --> 00:28:04.799 align:center
And what can I even say about Samay?
00:28:04.800 --> 00:28:08.679 align:center
He's now known as the cleanest
comedian in the world.
00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:10.879 align:center
Anyway, what should I do here?
00:28:10.880 --> 00:28:12.880 align:center
I'm not doing any poetry.
00:28:13.040 --> 00:28:14.600 align:center
I'm going to rap.
00:28:15.120 --> 00:28:16.039 align:center
Samay, what say?
00:28:16.040 --> 00:28:17.359 align:center
Let's have a rap battle.
00:28:17.360 --> 00:28:19.120 align:center
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:26.440 align:center
- Maya is drunk.
- She drank a lot.
00:28:26.800 --> 00:28:28.839 align:center
- Maya drank way too much, man.
- Maya--
00:28:28.840 --> 00:28:30.360 align:center
Sukrut Deo from the future.
00:28:32.560 --> 00:28:34.079 align:center
She's here to rap with you.
00:28:34.080 --> 00:28:34.999 align:center
Here to rap?
00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:36.839 align:center
- Should I join her?
- Rap battle. Yes.
00:28:36.840 --> 00:28:38.519 align:center
Okay. Should I begin the rap battle?
00:28:38.520 --> 00:28:39.520 align:center
- Yes.
- All right.
00:28:40.760 --> 00:28:43.760 align:center
Don't drink alcohol
Just to quench your thirst
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:46.280 align:center
You can begin, because ladies first
00:28:53.280 --> 00:28:54.719 align:center
- Hey!
- She's coming here.
00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:55.560 align:center
Get back.
00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:57.560 align:center
Hope she doesn't shoot
lasers from her eyes.
00:28:58.880 --> 00:28:59.880 align:center
Just rap.
00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:16.039 align:center
- Maya fell.
- She--
00:29:16.040 --> 00:29:18.560 align:center
Just like those rappers,
she hit us with "Maya out" and dipped.
00:29:19.560 --> 00:29:21.040 align:center
I have a gift for Maya.
00:29:21.800 --> 00:29:22.920 align:center
Hey, that's mine.
00:29:23.840 --> 00:29:25.320 align:center
Let's go.
00:29:29.120 --> 00:29:30.040 align:center
Maya.
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:32.079 align:center
- Talwiinder.
- Wow, wow, wow.
00:29:32.080 --> 00:29:33.040 align:center
Yeah.
00:29:33.800 --> 00:29:35.640 align:center
She's Rakhi Sawant 2.0.
00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:37.840 align:center
Bro, that's too scary.
00:29:38.800 --> 00:29:40.400 align:center
Bro, make her do something.
00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:43.120 align:center
Now I'll show you
the magic of Avvatar Protein.
00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:44.840 align:center
Yeah.
00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:48.160 align:center
Yeah, break their robot.
00:29:48.520 --> 00:29:50.400 align:center
Avvatar Protein, number one.
00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:52.680 align:center
- Now look. Let her go.
- Wow.
00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:54.439 align:center
Let go, trust me.
00:29:54.440 --> 00:29:55.520 align:center
Man, she got even looser.
00:29:56.600 --> 00:29:57.600 align:center
Avvatar Protein.
00:30:00.800 --> 00:30:01.759 align:center
So this is Maya.
00:30:01.760 --> 00:30:03.559 align:center
She was supposed to talk to you guys.
00:30:03.560 --> 00:30:05.640 align:center
I killed her in the battle, bro.
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:09.199 align:center
No, her legs are moving.
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:10.679 align:center
- Her legs are moving
- They are moving? She's alive.
00:30:10.680 --> 00:30:11.880 align:center
- She's alive.
- Legs are moving.
00:30:12.360 --> 00:30:14.479 align:center
- Her skirt is white…
- Come on, Maya.
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:16.519 align:center
Her skirt is white, her nose is red
00:30:16.520 --> 00:30:18.680 align:center
After battling me, ain't you dead?
00:30:21.880 --> 00:30:23.040 align:center
Maya, wake up!
00:30:24.560 --> 00:30:26.680 align:center
Oh, so you're reciting poetry now?
00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:29.680 align:center
I was aware of this talent.
00:30:29.840 --> 00:30:31.600 align:center
But did it have to be so dramatic?
00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:34.719 align:center
- Oh.
- Wow.
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:37.360 align:center
You're shaking like you smoked a joint
00:30:38.280 --> 00:30:40.360 align:center
You can't even stand up, what's the point?
00:30:42.160 --> 00:30:43.120 align:center
Sis?
00:30:43.760 --> 00:30:45.000 align:center
- Yeah, I'll give you--
- Not bad.
00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:47.720 align:center
I'm standing straight.
00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:51.160 align:center
You're just two-faced
in front of Salman Khan.
00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:52.759 align:center
Hey, that's him, you drunk.
00:30:52.760 --> 00:30:54.440 align:center
He's the one.
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:02.840 align:center
Wow!
00:31:04.080 --> 00:31:05.639 align:center
Let's dance with her.
00:31:05.640 --> 00:31:06.880 align:center
- Should we?
- Yeah.
00:31:07.120 --> 00:31:08.399 align:center
- Come on!
- Come on, Ashneer ji.
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:10.760 align:center
- Come on, music…
- Oh, come on, Ashneer ji.
00:31:11.800 --> 00:31:13.880 align:center
- Dance? Okay.
- Come dance with us, Maya.
00:31:14.040 --> 00:31:14.920 align:center
Go on, do a step.
00:31:16.080 --> 00:31:17.000 align:center
Start the music.
00:31:18.040 --> 00:31:20.000 align:center
Come on, Rakhi ji and Ashneer ji.
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:52.440 align:center
Wow! A big round of applause for Maya.
00:31:57.800 --> 00:31:59.240 align:center
Give it back!
00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:11.520 align:center
I'm sorry, baby.
00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:12.840 align:center
Love you, Maya.
00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:15.320 align:center
You baldy prick!
00:32:25.080 --> 00:32:25.999 align:center
I'll do the talking now.
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:28.720 align:center
- Samay, did you notice something?
- Thank you.
00:32:29.120 --> 00:32:31.800 align:center
- He offered his ass here too.
- What, bro?
00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:33.999 align:center
- You saw that?
- Is there another defect--
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:35.920 align:center
Keep quiet for two minutes, Maya.
00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:38.200 align:center
- Maya, shut the fuck up.
- Maya, stop.
00:32:39.520 --> 00:32:41.200 align:center
Maya, go to sleep.
00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:48.479 align:center
- She fell asleep.
- Oh, man.
00:32:48.480 --> 00:32:50.600 align:center
She's scary.
Imagine her walking at home.
00:32:51.360 --> 00:32:52.920 align:center
- Wearing anklets.
- She's scary.
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:55.520 align:center
- She followed the order right away.
- She's asleep.
00:32:55.800 --> 00:32:56.680 align:center
Fuck, man.
00:32:57.560 --> 00:32:59.000 align:center
Bro, you should invest in this.
00:33:00.040 --> 00:33:00.880 align:center
Sink this one too.
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:08.319 align:center
His company is named ZeroPe
00:33:08.320 --> 00:33:10.680 align:center
because whatever he invests in
goes to zero.
00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:13.240 align:center
Where did you buy this from?
00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:14.520 align:center
From China.
00:33:14.800 --> 00:33:16.640 align:center
Is buying a robot from China okay?
00:33:17.360 --> 00:33:19.840 align:center
China is making good robots
cheap right now,
00:33:20.200 --> 00:33:21.920 align:center
- so…
- Where are the good ones?
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:24.400 align:center
It's good,
and we'll make it even better.
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:28.119 align:center
If Ashneer bhai funds us, we can build it
from scratch ourselves.
00:33:28.120 --> 00:33:30.919 align:center
Ashneer ji, would you--
Imagine you're on Shark Tank…
00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:32.040 align:center
Can we name that show?
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:34.800 align:center
- Yeah, yeah.
- You're not on it. How can you decide?
00:33:37.000 --> 00:33:38.240 align:center
You asked, and I said yes.
00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:40.879 align:center
If you were in that show right now,
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:43.039 align:center
- Okay.
- would you invest in this?
00:33:43.040 --> 00:33:46.400 align:center
No, I mean, you're making a robot dance.
Just singing and dancing.
00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:49.839 align:center
We've only made her dance so far.
00:33:49.840 --> 00:33:50.920 align:center
We'll do more later.
00:33:51.800 --> 00:33:54.000 align:center
A moment ago, you were just
grinding your ass against it.
00:33:55.520 --> 00:33:57.560 align:center
Seriously, you were
grinding your ass against it.
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:00.360 align:center
He totally was!
00:34:01.040 --> 00:34:02.600 align:center
- And now--
- Ashneer!
00:34:02.840 --> 00:34:04.159 align:center
- Ashneer!
- It stopped dancing because of that.
00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:05.760 align:center
Do you give ass? Are you an asshole?
00:34:07.160 --> 00:34:09.280 align:center
You were having a blast with it,
Ashneer ji.
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:11.800 align:center
- What happened?
- I swear.
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:15.479 align:center
- You had a blast.
- Yeah, so why waste money just for fun?
00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:17.239 align:center
What else is money for?
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:19.479 align:center
Why wouldn't you--
00:34:19.480 --> 00:34:21.999 align:center
Maybe tell him.
You can help out a young founder.
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:24.760 align:center
It needs a genuine use case.
Why is it just dancing?
00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:25.760 align:center
You…
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:27.600 align:center
In a month, she'll make pani puri.
00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:30.320 align:center
What all have you taught her?
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:32.879 align:center
I taught her to dance and sing.
00:34:32.880 --> 00:34:34.440 align:center
- Saw that.
- I taught her to rap.
00:34:34.560 --> 00:34:37.399 align:center
And… I'm still teaching her more.
00:34:37.400 --> 00:34:38.920 align:center
What did you teach your kids?
00:34:39.840 --> 00:34:42.079 align:center
They're four.
Right now I'm teaching them chess.
00:34:42.080 --> 00:34:43.040 align:center
To be alone.
00:34:43.239 --> 00:34:44.159 align:center
Yeah?
00:34:47.120 --> 00:34:49.119 align:center
Beautiful. I'd fully invest in this.
00:34:49.120 --> 00:34:50.399 align:center
What valuation are you looking for?
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:51.520 align:center
I'm looking for 20 million.
00:34:51.800 --> 00:34:53.120 align:center
For ten percent.
00:34:53.760 --> 00:34:54.839 align:center
- You want 20 million?
- How much?
00:34:54.840 --> 00:34:55.879 align:center
For ten percent. Yes.
00:34:55.880 --> 00:34:57.400 align:center
For ten percent.
Is this a good deal?
00:34:58.240 --> 00:34:59.480 align:center
I can get you ten of these for that.
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:01.680 align:center
But he'll build a company, right?
00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:04.039 align:center
To do what?
Make them serve pani puri?
00:35:04.040 --> 00:35:06.520 align:center
Show me one more like this in India,
then I'll talk.
00:35:07.720 --> 00:35:09.239 align:center
- There isn't one.
- But what is it doing?
00:35:09.240 --> 00:35:10.560 align:center
He should be appreciated.
00:35:11.120 --> 00:35:12.319 align:center
There isn't even one like this in India?
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:13.559 align:center
- Yeah.
- Not a single one.
00:35:13.560 --> 00:35:14.720 align:center
- Even this one is from China.
- First one.
00:35:16.840 --> 00:35:18.400 align:center
How much did it cost you?
00:35:18.680 --> 00:35:20.480 align:center
Five million rupees.
00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:21.920 align:center
- Five million?
- Yeah.
00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:23.560 align:center
What is happening?
00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:26.560 align:center
- Seen any other robot do this?
- Why would I want to?
00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:30.640 align:center
Come on, you're so pessimistic.
00:35:30.800 --> 00:35:33.400 align:center
What pessimistic?
Are you an idiot? What's…
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.680 align:center
Ashneer ji,
what future do you see in this?
00:35:38.640 --> 00:35:40.160 align:center
No, there's no future.
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:41.999 align:center
You've wasted five million rupees.
00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:44.480 align:center
- Okay, think about it.
- Ask again in ten years.
00:35:44.600 --> 00:35:46.759 align:center
In the future, what if it rides a bike
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:48.440 align:center
and makes deliveries
for Flipkart Minutes?
00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:50.800 align:center
Yeah, that's fine.
00:35:51.040 --> 00:35:52.240 align:center
- See?
- See?
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:54.199 align:center
- I'm opening my mind.
- She can't do it.
00:35:54.200 --> 00:35:55.159 align:center
Someone else will.
00:35:55.160 --> 00:35:57.319 align:center
- It will be built on this, right?
- Yeah, okay.
00:35:57.320 --> 00:35:59.880 align:center
Anyway, if he were smart enough,
he wouldn't have gone on Bigg Boss.
00:36:02.520 --> 00:36:03.439 align:center
But genuinely--
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:04.920 align:center
If I were smart,
I wouldn't be here either.
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:10.119 align:center
- This was fun.
- If he asked for 20 million on Shark Tank,
00:36:10.120 --> 00:36:11.000 align:center
what would you have said?
00:36:11.360 --> 00:36:13.160 align:center
I'd have him talk to Aman Gupta.
00:36:14.640 --> 00:36:16.000 align:center
He would've given him 40 million.
00:36:21.720 --> 00:36:24.560 align:center
Time to score.
Let's start with Ashneer Grover this time.
00:36:24.720 --> 00:36:25.560 align:center
Yeah.
00:36:26.600 --> 00:36:27.480 align:center
Five out of ten.
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:29.240 align:center
Oh, that's brutal, man.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:33.280 align:center
Look, man, as the only
successful entrepreneur here…
00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:37.159 align:center
who's seen the
00:36:37.160 --> 00:36:39.040 align:center
gains of the entertainment business,
00:36:39.320 --> 00:36:40.919 align:center
I think you have a huge future there.
00:36:40.920 --> 00:36:43.240 align:center
- Thank you.
- I give you a ten out of ten.
00:36:43.400 --> 00:36:44.280 align:center
Thank you.
00:36:45.400 --> 00:36:46.280 align:center
Nice.
00:36:48.680 --> 00:36:50.559 align:center
I think this is so creative.
00:36:50.560 --> 00:36:53.080 align:center
You don't see acts like this in India.
00:36:53.400 --> 00:36:54.599 align:center
- Robotic.
- Thank you.
00:36:54.600 --> 00:36:55.760 align:center
So, I really liked it.
00:36:56.400 --> 00:37:00.239 align:center
I actually want to give a ten out of ten.
00:37:00.240 --> 00:37:01.200 align:center
- Of course.
- Thank you so much.
00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:03.719 align:center
- Wow.
- I never thought
00:37:03.720 --> 00:37:05.360 align:center
I'd do Bhangra with a robot.
00:37:06.560 --> 00:37:07.920 align:center
Ten out of ten.
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:10.160 align:center
Thank you so much.
00:37:10.640 --> 00:37:15.799 align:center
The hard work you put into
creating something like this,
00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:18.119 align:center
I hope you keep doing more and more of it
00:37:18.120 --> 00:37:20.719 align:center
- and help advance the future of humanity.
- Thank you.
00:37:20.720 --> 00:37:22.640 align:center
- So, ten out of ten.
- Thank you so much.
00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:24.320 align:center
Nice one, Sam Altman.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:28.560 align:center
That makes your average nine.
00:37:31.000 --> 00:37:31.840 align:center
Sorry.
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:36.279 align:center
- It's ten.
- Ten! Oh no!
00:37:36.280 --> 00:37:38.240 align:center
Just got a little less from Ashneer bhai.
00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:42.120 align:center
Not the first time he's made
someone take a loss.
00:37:43.600 --> 00:37:45.320 align:center
- Thank you so much for joining, bro.
- Thank you.
00:37:50.840 --> 00:37:51.800 align:center
Come on Spruce Lee.
00:37:56.280 --> 00:37:57.199 align:center
Hello, guys.
00:37:57.200 --> 00:37:59.279 align:center
This is a plate made of brick.
00:37:59.280 --> 00:38:00.759 align:center
Houses are built with this in rural areas.
00:38:00.760 --> 00:38:02.840 align:center
It's very hard, you can hear it.
00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:06.400 align:center
Okay?
00:38:06.600 --> 00:38:07.640 align:center
So, let's go.
00:38:08.600 --> 00:38:10.200 align:center
Give me a cheer. Come on, guys.
00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:15.360 align:center
You are about to break a house
in front of a Kashmiri?
00:38:17.560 --> 00:38:18.640 align:center
I can't watch this.
00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:27.160 align:center
Come on!
00:38:38.000 --> 00:38:39.000 align:center
Bro…
00:38:42.600 --> 00:38:44.719 align:center
So, all this…
00:38:44.720 --> 00:38:46.119 align:center
Are you a professional or something?
00:38:46.120 --> 00:38:47.759 align:center
Yeah, I'm a professional MMA fighter.
00:38:47.760 --> 00:38:49.400 align:center
And international tae kwon do champion.
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:51.519 align:center
- Oh!
- And three-time gold medalist
00:38:51.520 --> 00:38:53.440 align:center
- in tae kwon do and karate.
- Wow.
00:38:56.200 --> 00:38:59.240 align:center
You came here, on India's Got Latent.
00:38:59.560 --> 00:39:01.600 align:center
That really brought down
tae kwon do's respect.
00:39:03.320 --> 00:39:04.240 align:center
Of course.
00:39:05.600 --> 00:39:08.640 align:center
Four people got beat up because of
women's
00:39:09.520 --> 00:39:10.999 align:center
Actually,
00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:15.399 align:center
most girls are not good drivers.
00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:17.080 align:center
Most of them!
00:39:17.200 --> 00:39:18.360 align:center
Emphasis on "most".
00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:22.440 align:center
I'm saying most of them.
00:39:22.600 --> 00:39:23.639 align:center
- Most.
- I am saying!
00:39:23.640 --> 00:39:25.079 align:center
- All the girls that are here…
- Hello?
00:39:25.080 --> 00:39:27.360 align:center
Wait, 1980 is calling me.
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:30.400 align:center
They're asking for their stereotype back.
00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:36.279 align:center
Girls don't know how to drive?
00:39:36.280 --> 00:39:38.160 align:center
She will drive you crazy right now, bro.
00:39:41.400 --> 00:39:42.360 align:center
What happened next?
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:46.280 align:center
Sir, then they rear-ended my car.
00:39:46.400 --> 00:39:50.040 align:center
Four random guys showed up to support her.
00:39:50.360 --> 00:39:53.160 align:center
They abused me, so I beat them up.
00:39:53.920 --> 00:39:55.400 align:center
- You hit all four of them.
- Yes.
00:39:56.040 --> 00:39:57.759 align:center
- Didn't hit the girl, right?
- No.
00:39:57.760 --> 00:39:59.320 align:center
I respect women. I have to sisters.
00:40:00.400 --> 00:40:02.159 align:center
Wow!
00:40:02.160 --> 00:40:04.640 align:center
- I like that.
- Your opening statement was the opposite.
00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:07.760 align:center
No, no. I can just drop them.
00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:10.920 align:center
I want to gift you this for saying that.
00:40:11.360 --> 00:40:13.439 align:center
- Your… Ghorpade?
- Double down.
00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:15.239 align:center
Which pad? Ghorpade?
00:40:15.240 --> 00:40:16.720 align:center
- Ghurade.
- Ghurade?!
00:40:16.840 --> 00:40:21.039 align:center
I would like to give you
this protein wafer bar
00:40:21.040 --> 00:40:23.719 align:center
- from Avvatar…
- Have they paid you?
00:40:23.720 --> 00:40:25.720 align:center
I give you this…
00:40:26.040 --> 00:40:27.320 align:center
- Thank you so much.
- Have it, darling.
00:40:27.680 --> 00:40:30.160 align:center
- They did pay me.
- Well, someone did.
00:40:32.160 --> 00:40:33.519 align:center
Do you have a girlfriend?
00:40:33.520 --> 00:40:35.199 align:center
I broke up recently.
00:40:35.200 --> 00:40:36.560 align:center
What happened? If you don't mind.
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:41.400 align:center
Sir, since the beginning,
she would always disrespect me.
00:40:41.680 --> 00:40:43.599 align:center
She'd share our personal chats
with her friends.
00:40:43.600 --> 00:40:45.600 align:center
Then they'd bitch about me.
00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:47.880 align:center
What would she share?
"He was not good today."
00:40:49.680 --> 00:40:50.799 align:center
"It wasn't fun."
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:53.040 align:center
- What did she tell them?
- It is a genuine question.
00:40:53.600 --> 00:40:55.920 align:center
Sir, like I said,
I wouldn't give her time.
00:40:56.160 --> 00:40:57.440 align:center
- Sir…
- Time is the problem.
00:40:59.800 --> 00:41:01.719 align:center
What happened was…
00:41:01.720 --> 00:41:05.279 align:center
As a man, I have to do extra work at home.
00:41:05.280 --> 00:41:08.240 align:center
Then college, sports, and gym.
00:41:08.600 --> 00:41:09.759 align:center
That takes up a lot of time.
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:11.560 align:center
Sometimes, I'd help Dad with his business.
00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:12.879 align:center
He works so hard.
00:41:12.880 --> 00:41:15.040 align:center
He is exhausted by the time he
gets to his girlfriend.
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:17.160 align:center
She thinks he is tiresome.
00:41:19.040 --> 00:41:22.319 align:center
No, I still give her time when I can.
00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:25.680 align:center
After college, before gym, after gym…
00:41:26.320 --> 00:41:28.720 align:center
- And…
- When will you speak? Today or tomorrow?
00:41:31.520 --> 00:41:32.880 align:center
When will you speak?
00:41:38.440 --> 00:41:39.640 align:center
Why did you call me here?
00:41:41.000 --> 00:41:42.479 align:center
- Carry on.
- Bro, you…
00:41:42.480 --> 00:41:44.479 align:center
Your entire schedule has been decided
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:45.999 align:center
- by you.
- Schedule.
00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:47.719 align:center
- Yes.
- Englishmen.
00:41:47.720 --> 00:41:50.279 align:center
- You're the one who decided it.
- Schedule.
00:41:50.280 --> 00:41:54.199 align:center
- Schedule.
- And you have to take out time
00:41:54.200 --> 00:41:56.159 align:center
- to give other people.
- Schedule.
00:41:56.160 --> 00:41:58.759 align:center
- Schedule.
- And I don't have any personal time
00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:01.760 align:center
- where I'm just hanging out, or…
- Schedule! Oh, wow!
00:42:04.720 --> 00:42:06.200 align:center
- Sorry…
- I'll hit you with this.
00:42:07.720 --> 00:42:10.319 align:center
You dislike people who smoke and drink?
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:13.160 align:center
Not really. All my friends smoke.
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:15.640 align:center
- You hate them.
- Not really.
00:42:16.040 --> 00:42:18.120 align:center
I don't get why…
00:42:18.440 --> 00:42:21.240 align:center
Everyone has to get drunk at weddings,
00:42:21.760 --> 00:42:23.079 align:center
or on birthdays,
00:42:23.080 --> 00:42:24.600 align:center
- or drink after winning something.
- Yes.
00:42:25.040 --> 00:42:28.039 align:center
And when you ask them about last night,
00:42:28.040 --> 00:42:31.200 align:center
- "Bro, I drank too much booze."
- What's your idea of celebrating?
00:42:31.400 --> 00:42:33.640 align:center
Celebrate while you're in your senses.
00:42:34.080 --> 00:42:35.519 align:center
- Don't be unconscious.
- You mean a push-up?
00:42:35.520 --> 00:42:36.920 align:center
Let's sleep after a snack.
00:42:37.040 --> 00:42:38.039 align:center
Do this!
00:42:38.040 --> 00:42:40.159 align:center
Get high and do it once,
00:42:40.160 --> 00:42:41.760 align:center
your girlfriend won't leave you.
00:43:06.640 --> 00:43:08.560 align:center
Have you digested it all?
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:12.040 align:center
Put that out.
00:43:14.480 --> 00:43:17.080 align:center
- Didn't you feel the heat?
- You can touch this. It's hot.
00:43:17.360 --> 00:43:18.560 align:center
No, I'm just…
00:43:21.160 --> 00:43:22.520 align:center
- Yes.
- I believe you.
00:43:24.200 --> 00:43:25.399 align:center
What happens here?
00:43:25.400 --> 00:43:27.359 align:center
Belly dancing is simply
shaking your belly.
00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:30.599 align:center
In most dance forms you see,
one has to move their body.
00:43:30.600 --> 00:43:33.279 align:center
In belly dancing, you only shake this.
00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:34.559 align:center
That's a task.
00:43:34.560 --> 00:43:36.999 align:center
You don't shake the top
while belly dancing.
00:43:37.000 --> 00:43:38.280 align:center
Only what's down there.
00:43:39.040 --> 00:43:40.880 align:center
- Yes.
- Are you a Hindi-to-Hindi translator?
00:43:51.200 --> 00:43:52.800 align:center
What did you think of this, Ashneer ji?
00:43:53.360 --> 00:43:54.639 align:center
It was alright.
00:43:54.640 --> 00:43:56.360 align:center
Nothing impresses him!
00:43:56.720 --> 00:44:00.560 align:center
I didn't get why the diya was there.
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:01.719 align:center
The diya?
00:44:01.720 --> 00:44:03.240 align:center
- Ask him to shake his belly once.
- I just…
00:44:03.520 --> 00:44:05.400 align:center
Exactly, that's the point.
00:44:05.640 --> 00:44:07.439 align:center
I am not doing it. This is your talent.
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:09.680 align:center
For those who have
a hard time lighting it up…
00:44:10.320 --> 00:44:12.639 align:center
For those who have
a hard time lighting it up,
00:44:12.640 --> 00:44:14.520 align:center
they will get the spark back.
00:44:15.760 --> 00:44:17.920 align:center
That's why she used a diya.
00:44:20.520 --> 00:44:22.400 align:center
Reignite the spark in your life brother.
00:44:23.320 --> 00:44:26.240 align:center
So you are pointing out
his rise and fall.
00:44:27.440 --> 00:44:30.759 align:center
I have been sitting here for almost
the entire day.
00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:33.160 align:center
His lamp just won't light up.
00:44:33.760 --> 00:44:35.280 align:center
Lamp has gone limp.
00:44:35.560 --> 00:44:37.159 align:center
What is the hardest thing you can do?
00:44:37.160 --> 00:44:38.319 align:center
This act?
00:44:38.320 --> 00:44:40.239 align:center
This and another one here.
00:44:40.240 --> 00:44:42.399 align:center
- Really?
- I can put another one here.
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:44.519 align:center
- That has oil in it?
- Yes.
00:44:44.520 --> 00:44:45.920 align:center
- Oh!
- Or you can add it.
00:44:47.400 --> 00:44:48.639 align:center
I just want to know…
00:44:48.640 --> 00:44:50.840 align:center
How will she light it without oil?
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:56.920 align:center
Sorry, I'm not an expert.
I'm sorry.
00:44:58.080 --> 00:45:00.120 align:center
- Sorry. Forgive me.
- Will it burn without fuel?
00:45:00.640 --> 00:45:02.999 align:center
- Your dad teaches physics.
- Yes.
00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:04.479 align:center
- Your mom teaches Hindi.
- Yes.
00:45:04.480 --> 00:45:05.679 align:center
So why don't you study?
00:45:05.680 --> 00:45:08.600 align:center
I do study.
I'm just a humanities nerd.
00:45:08.720 --> 00:45:10.399 align:center
Their field is a bit different.
00:45:10.400 --> 00:45:11.280 align:center
What do you study?
00:45:11.680 --> 00:45:13.880 align:center
I'm doing a BBA in digital marketing.
00:45:14.320 --> 00:45:16.520 align:center
Does this course have a future,
Ashneer bhai?
00:45:17.600 --> 00:45:19.160 align:center
This show has no future.
00:45:21.720 --> 00:45:23.399 align:center
It says your mom is here with you.
00:45:23.400 --> 00:45:25.039 align:center
Yeah, my mom and dad are both here.
00:45:25.040 --> 00:45:27.040 align:center
- Oh, both?
- She brought a gift for you guys too.
00:45:27.160 --> 00:45:28.919 align:center
So sweet. If you don't mind,
can we invite them?
00:45:28.920 --> 00:45:30.600 align:center
- Yeah, for sure.
- Let's go!
00:45:35.240 --> 00:45:36.999 align:center
- Namaste, sir.
- Namaste, sir.
00:45:37.000 --> 00:45:38.839 align:center
What did you bring us?
A gift?
00:45:38.840 --> 00:45:41.319 align:center
Yes. This is homemade aloo papad.
00:45:41.320 --> 00:45:43.919 align:center
- My mom makes the best in Jaunpur.
- Oh.
00:45:43.920 --> 00:45:45.279 align:center
- That's amazing.
- So…
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:46.840 align:center
She got you guys homemade aloo papad.
00:45:47.120 --> 00:45:48.360 align:center
- Give it a try.
- Thank you.
00:45:48.520 --> 00:45:49.480 align:center
Thank you so much.
00:45:50.080 --> 00:45:51.799 align:center
- You're welcome.
- Oh, this is really good.
00:45:51.800 --> 00:45:53.200 align:center
- Did you make it?
- Yes.
00:45:53.400 --> 00:45:54.880 align:center
- Wow.
- It's too good. Thank you so much.
00:45:55.080 --> 00:45:56.840 align:center
- Welcome.
- You'll get rich. Just sell these.
00:46:05.080 --> 00:46:06.519 align:center
This is genuinely really good.
00:46:06.520 --> 00:46:07.920 align:center
- Genuinely.
- Thank you so much.
00:46:08.200 --> 00:46:10.800 align:center
Did you guys have any idea
what would happen on the panel?
00:46:11.400 --> 00:46:12.720 align:center
I had no idea at all.
00:46:13.200 --> 00:46:16.639 align:center
Because honestly,
I just came for her sake.
00:46:16.640 --> 00:46:19.159 align:center
She wanted me to come,
and I rarely have time.
00:46:19.160 --> 00:46:21.160 align:center
I didn't have time either.
I came just for his sake.
00:46:26.400 --> 00:46:29.600 align:center
I never thought that
on a platform like this,
00:46:29.720 --> 00:46:31.680 align:center
I'd be standing across from Rakhi Sawant
00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:34.559 align:center
and you, sir.
I've seen him on so many shows.
00:46:34.560 --> 00:46:37.160 align:center
I watch a lot of Netflix.
He was just saying,
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:39.479 align:center
"You're a Netflix girl,
so you'll get it more."
00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:41.199 align:center
- "I won't get it."
- He's never been on Netflix.
00:46:41.200 --> 00:46:42.200 align:center
His wife has.
00:46:43.680 --> 00:46:46.119 align:center
- No, I mean--
- He's never been on it.
00:46:46.120 --> 00:46:48.839 align:center
- I've seen him on TV.
- His wife, Madhuri ji, is on Netflix,
00:46:48.840 --> 00:46:50.240 align:center
- in the show Lock Upp. Not him.
- Okay.
00:46:50.480 --> 00:46:51.839 align:center
- That's okay.
- Yeah.
00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:54.639 align:center
He's here with me now, right?
He'll be on Netflix soon.
00:46:54.640 --> 00:46:55.600 align:center
Yeah, that's why…
00:46:56.160 --> 00:46:57.719 align:center
But you two are so sweet.
00:46:57.720 --> 00:47:00.359 align:center
Seeing you both,
I want to recite a poem.
00:47:00.360 --> 00:47:01.560 align:center
- Let's hear it.
- Go ahead.
00:47:02.040 --> 00:47:05.080 align:center
Seeing Rakhi Sawant,
Ashneer Grover lost his cool.
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:07.279 align:center
- Bravo!
- Oh!
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:10.840 align:center
Seeing Rakhi ji
Ashneer ji got triggered
00:47:11.800 --> 00:47:15.080 align:center
Things went crazy last time
When Mom and Dad were featured
00:47:20.040 --> 00:47:22.640 align:center
I want to say, sir,
you're doing a great job.
00:47:23.040 --> 00:47:26.639 align:center
Even though the past keeps coming up,
00:47:26.640 --> 00:47:30.119 align:center
what you're doing now
will help wash it all away.
00:47:30.120 --> 00:47:31.359 align:center
Keep up the good work.
00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:33.520 align:center
Let's go!
00:47:34.320 --> 00:47:35.280 align:center
Amazing, sir.
00:47:35.800 --> 00:47:37.839 align:center
Best to wash away
what's in the back, right?
00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:38.720 align:center
Thank you.
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:39.760 align:center
Hello, everyone.
00:47:39.920 --> 00:47:41.319 align:center
You know, in today's world,
00:47:41.320 --> 00:47:43.839 align:center
we're just one click away from whatever
we want.
00:47:43.840 --> 00:47:47.080 align:center
All thanks to technology and apps like
"Flipkart Minutes."
00:47:47.200 --> 00:47:49.559 align:center
Let me show you…
If I want to order something,
00:47:49.560 --> 00:47:50.480 align:center
how I can do that.
00:47:50.680 --> 00:47:52.920 align:center
So for this, let's go to Flipkart Minutes.
00:47:53.120 --> 00:47:54.880 align:center
For example, chocolates.
00:47:55.200 --> 00:47:56.399 align:center
Personally, I love chocolates.
00:47:56.400 --> 00:47:57.319 align:center
Watch this KitKat.
00:47:57.320 --> 00:47:58.479 align:center
I don't need to add it to cart.
00:47:58.480 --> 00:48:00.600 align:center
I just shake it, and it pops out.
00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:03.440 align:center
The crazy part is that I can simply
take this out.
00:48:03.680 --> 00:48:04.600 align:center
Like so.
00:48:11.520 --> 00:48:12.360 align:center
For you.
00:48:13.760 --> 00:48:15.479 align:center
What the hell!
00:48:15.480 --> 00:48:16.360 align:center
What?
00:48:17.560 --> 00:48:18.519 align:center
Thank you. Thank you so much.
00:48:18.520 --> 00:48:20.279 align:center
Work some magic on me.
00:48:20.280 --> 00:48:21.320 align:center
Just this won't impress me.
00:48:21.680 --> 00:48:22.759 align:center
- Should I accept this challenge, guys?
- Yes.
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:24.719 align:center
- Yeah!
- Let's do this.
00:48:24.720 --> 00:48:25.919 align:center
For this, I'll come here.
00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:27.919 align:center
Since I was a little far,
00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:29.599 align:center
maybe you thought it was just a trick.
00:48:29.600 --> 00:48:30.640 align:center
Can I see your hands, ma'am?
00:48:31.080 --> 00:48:32.680 align:center
- Both of your hands.
- I can come there if you want.
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:34.559 align:center
It's on you. You can come if you want.
00:48:34.560 --> 00:48:35.519 align:center
- If you want.
- I…
00:48:35.520 --> 00:48:36.919 align:center
I also want to flaunt my dress.
00:48:36.920 --> 00:48:37.840 align:center
Sure. Please.
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:40.280 align:center
Trap her in that iPad.
00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:44.840 align:center
Please come right here.
00:48:45.320 --> 00:48:47.400 align:center
Stand next to this star.
00:48:47.800 --> 00:48:48.760 align:center
Star.
00:48:49.320 --> 00:48:50.920 align:center
He said next to a star.
Come, stand next to me.
00:48:51.680 --> 00:48:53.400 align:center
Oh!
00:48:54.360 --> 00:48:56.799 align:center
Now, just keep the mic over here.
00:48:56.800 --> 00:48:59.040 align:center
Put the mic away.
Just show your hands to everyone.
00:48:59.920 --> 00:49:01.239 align:center
Is there anything in her hand?
00:49:01.240 --> 00:49:02.520 align:center
Show it to the judges as well.
00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:04.680 align:center
- Is there anything?
- Just fucked up palm lines.
00:49:08.440 --> 00:49:10.840 align:center
Can I ask you to put your hands
facing down like this?
00:49:11.040 --> 00:49:12.400 align:center
Are you right-handed, or left?
00:49:13.840 --> 00:49:15.000 align:center
- Which hand do you use?
- You're right-handed.
00:49:15.560 --> 00:49:17.279 align:center
She has never used it. How would she know?
00:49:17.280 --> 00:49:18.679 align:center
Make them into fists.
00:49:18.680 --> 00:49:20.400 align:center
Now just point to anyone of them.
00:49:21.560 --> 00:49:22.479 align:center
How can I…
00:49:22.480 --> 00:49:23.720 align:center
Keep it closed.
00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:24.799 align:center
Holt it like this.
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:26.319 align:center
And make sure I'm not coming close to you.
00:49:26.320 --> 00:49:28.120 align:center
Now just point to anyone of them.
00:49:29.480 --> 00:49:30.800 align:center
Point just one of them. Hurry up.
00:49:32.040 --> 00:49:34.120 align:center
- Do I have to take someone's hand?
- No.
00:49:35.640 --> 00:49:36.520 align:center
Just point.
00:49:42.640 --> 00:49:43.720 align:center
I don't trust it.
00:49:44.200 --> 00:49:45.080 align:center
Okay.
00:49:46.200 --> 00:49:47.720 align:center
- Ashneer ji.
- Ashneer ji.
00:49:48.160 --> 00:49:50.279 align:center
Sir, coming to you.
Stretch out one of your hands.
00:49:50.280 --> 00:49:51.200 align:center
Right or left. Your choice.
00:49:52.080 --> 00:49:53.240 align:center
Anyone. This? Are you sure?
00:49:53.720 --> 00:49:55.839 align:center
Sir, is it okay if I ask you to stand up?
00:49:55.840 --> 00:49:58.800 align:center
Great. Please keep the mic,
I need your hands to be free.
00:49:59.120 --> 00:50:00.679 align:center
Just do this again.
00:50:00.680 --> 00:50:02.720 align:center
Sir, point to anyone hand.
This or this?
00:50:04.600 --> 00:50:05.759 align:center
This one? Sure?
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:07.079 align:center
Ma'am, put down this hand.
00:50:07.080 --> 00:50:09.759 align:center
And don't move from this point.
Not an inch.
00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:10.920 align:center
Sir, can you bring your hand close?
00:50:11.400 --> 00:50:14.079 align:center
I'll make a…
Just show everyone what I have drawn.
00:50:14.080 --> 00:50:15.040 align:center
What is this, guys?
00:50:15.600 --> 00:50:17.760 align:center
- It's a cross or a plus, right?
- Plus.
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:21.200 align:center
Be here, don't move.
I'll take the print of this cross.
00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:22.240 align:center
Okay?
00:50:22.840 --> 00:50:24.000 align:center
Sir, you may have a seat.
Thank you.
00:50:24.200 --> 00:50:25.560 align:center
Now watch this cross, guys. One.
00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:28.480 align:center
Remember, you could've selected any hand.
00:50:29.000 --> 00:50:29.840 align:center
Two.
00:50:32.720 --> 00:50:33.639 align:center
Done.
00:50:33.640 --> 00:50:35.480 align:center
Rakhi ji, please open your hand slowly.
Like this.
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:37.200 align:center
Turn it over. Have a look.
00:50:41.120 --> 00:50:42.240 align:center
Oh, my God!
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:47.400 align:center
Thank you so much.
You may have a seat.
00:50:48.680 --> 00:50:49.600 align:center
Bro…
00:50:51.080 --> 00:50:52.360 align:center
One more.
00:50:53.440 --> 00:50:55.440 align:center
Put all his money in my account.
00:51:08.720 --> 00:51:10.800 align:center
She's alright. Rakhi is not that bad.
00:51:12.080 --> 00:51:14.520 align:center
I'm not bad at all.
Just try me once.
00:51:17.000 --> 00:51:18.000 align:center
Come on then.