How long have Sarah and I known each other?
Aztec Civilization is a quick read. It barely touches on Mictlantecuhtli.
Should we check with the writer, just to be safe?
The showrunner just called.
And he is cutting your character from the show.
You never let me in, Simon.
Not really.
Trevor Slattery, you're under arrest.
I'm not resisting.
This is Simon Williams.
You're an actor. Do you think you can get close to him?
I'm auditioning for Wonder Man.
Anyway, nice meeting you.
What we will find when we look at Wonder Man today?
What can he teach us about ourselves?
Simon Williams is superpowered.
He's unstable and incredibly dangerous.
You know I'd never work again if anyone found out.
Why?
Because of DeMarr "Doorman" Davis.
They're calling it "The Doorman Clause."
Going forward, it will be nearly impossible
for superpowered individuals to perform in major motion picture or TV roles.
That was Janelle. My agent.
She was trying to get a hold of the both of us.
No one had your info.
We both got callbacks for Wonder Man.
Oh, yeah.
Bloody amazing, this town. I bloody love it. I mean, look at us.
Do you know how many people went up for these roles?
Or wanted to but didn't even get the chance?
- Hundreds. - Thousands.
Thousands of people had their hopes pinned to these auditions,
and somehow you and I made it through the process.
We were whittled down in casting selects, seen by producers, put on a list.
Then Von Kovak saw something promising,
something that moved him, and there we are.
Hey, we're still in the running. It's a bloody miracle.
I'm just tryin' to process it, honestly.
No, don't process it, Simon. Enjoy it, for heaven's sake.
No, not yet. I can't.
- Need anything? - No, we're good.
Come on, we're celebrating.
No. You don't understand what this role means to me.
This is... It's the role.
This movie? Everything. It's too much.
If I get this close and I miss?
I should be in bed or at the gym
or runnin' lines or--
Simon, we've got no lines to run. You need to relax.
Hey, have you tried box breathing?
What?
Breathe in slowly for a count of five...
Then hold for five...
And you exhale slowly for five...
Then hold for five once again.
You don't think about the callback.
It's your job as an actor to experience life.
This is your life. You've had a victory, a moment of accomplishment.
So, fill your cup.
We did beat out a lot of fools, didn't we?
That's the spirit.
Who keep keeps calling you so late?
Uh, friend of mine from the pocket dimension I used to live in.
You've reached Trevor Slattery.
Please leave a message after the beep.
What are you pulling, Slattery?
You're working awfully late.
Hey, Deputy Secretary. I didn't think anyone was still here.
Yeah. Just going over numbers, yet again.
Trying to save what I can. It's nasty business.
Yeah.
How's your case going?
Oh...
Good. Very promising. Making lots of progress.
Well, I'm glad to hear that.
I've always liked you, Cleary. I'd love to keep you around.
All right, I should go. You heading down?
No, I think I'm gonna keep at it.
I'm in the homestretch, most likely. Don't want to leave anything up to chance.
That's the spirit.
- Oh, another round. - It's on him.
Much appreciated.
- Why is he buying us drinks? - Who cares?
If we left when you wanted to, we'd be paying our own bill.
Oh! To what do we owe the pleasure?
You... You really don't remember me, do you, Trev?
Yeah. We did, um, an Off-Broadway play together?
Um, Hurlyburly, maybe?
Nope.
American Buffalo?
- Remember me now? - No, but I really wish I did.
You owe me, Trev.
A dozen eight balls,
- fifty hits of X, two pounds of sativa-- - That's quite a lot.
And that was your order for one Saturday night.
Well, on the bright side, I'm sure it was thoroughly enjoyed.
Hey!
You got some nerve, you know that?
You really think you can treat me like garbage?
Is that it?
You skipped town, Trev. You just vanished.
Left me a bunch of suppliers out for my blood 'cause I trusted you.
Can we talk about this?
H-- Hold on.
Bloody hell.
I really didn't want to do that.
I'm really glad you did, though.
Come on, man.
You know how dangerous it is for me to do that in public.
I know, I-- I'm sorry. The good news is, no one saw a thing.
Bollocks.
- Do you think he saw? - I don't know.
- He's wearing a camera. - Maybe he just got here.
- I don't think so. - Well, he's not doing anything.
Hello. These blokes seem injured. Any idea what happened?
- I think he saw it. - Of course, he did.
Where the hell did he go?
Are you gonna use super speed or what?
- I'm gonna use my car, Trevor. - Does that mean you do
- or do not have super speed? - Let's go.
Why is there so much traffic?
It's a Friday night.
Probably the Hollywood Bowl.
It's too late for the Bowl.
It's usually the Bowl. I remember seeing Cher there once.
Breathtaking. Chaka Khan. Now there's a woman--
- Trevor, would you please focus? - Hmph.
What is there for me to focus on? I'm in the passenger seat.
I don't know. Just look around or something.
Please. He gotta be here somewhere.
- She's persistent. - What?
My friend, she doesn't realize I'm a little busy at the moment.
Looking around out the window.
There he is.
What do you know? Looking around works.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's traffic here. Steady on.
Damn it.
Hey, mate. You can't-- You're on the sidewalk.
Ahh...
Get out of the way! We're on the sidewalk!
Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Get out of the way!
- Simon. - Shut up, stop. Don't say nothin'.
Okay.
Shit, we lost him.
- Oh, my goodness. - What? Wha-- What is it?
Janelle just emailed us the sides for the callback.
- What? - What is she still doing up?
- This scene's intense. - That scene's intense?
- Yeah. - No, Trevor, please. Not now.
It's a Wonder Man, Barnaby scene.
Not now.
- Barnaby betrays Wonder Man. - What?
Let me see that.
But Barnaby's his only friend.
Yeah, I know. Look at this.
Barnaby, "He found my price, Wonder Man.
"I just pray you never have to learn yours."
- I think it's going to be quite moving. - Yeah.
If that footage gets out, I won't even be acting in a dog food commercial.
Where the hell is this guy?
Is that him?
- What is he doing? - Looks like he wants us to chase him.
Well, let's hurry, then.
Don't let me hold you back.
He just disappeared.
...so funny. Oh, my God.
Let's go to Rob's house.
Oh, this is nifty. We should remember this for another time.
- Yeah, I'll put it on our list. - Splendid.
You two have a reservation?
Uh, no, we don't have... a reservation.
But we're meeting a friend.
Okay.
Interesting.
He knows we're not gonna make a scene in public.
Aren't we?
- No, we're not. - Oh.
- Hi. - How's it going, guys?
So... you may have seen something,
back there in the alley, look a little odd, under a certain light.
No, nothing looked odd.
From where I was standing, it was pretty clear.
But also, I have all of the footage on GoPro.
Okay, understood. Uh, where's the GoPro?
It's stashed away somewhere safe.
He's hustling us. Oh, this guy's a little hustler.
I know what you're capable of,
and I get that you might wanna keep it a secret.
And that's... that's cool with me. Okay?
That's cool with me. But, I might need a little hand with something.
No deal. You're clearly untrustworthy. He's clearly untrustworthy.
Just chill. Uh, what if we decide not to help?
Oh, then the footage automatically gets uploaded to YouTube at 9:00 a.m.
- Can he do that? - I don't know.
Well, you're the tech wizard. You've got all those apps on your phone.
No, that's not the same thing, Trevor. It sounds possible.
Yeah. It's possible, trust me.
We've already established that no one can trust you.
What do you want?
Okay, so there's this asshole, Esteban.
And, three weeks ago, he stole my motorcycle,
and it's why I have to do all of my business
- on these crappy scooters. - Business?
Most likely something illegal, I bet, knowing this one.
Look, for someone like you, this would be a piece of cake.
Okay? I know where he has the bike.
Basically, you just gotta show up, give Esteban a scare.
I get my motorcycle back, you can delete the footage.
- Easy. - I don't like it.
We don't have a choice, Trevor.
Sounds like we got a deal.
Where can we find Esteban?
There it is.
He's probably having a bagging party.
A bagging party.
Another degenerate in our midst.
I know you're not talking.
It's your degenerate past that got us into this.
Operative word being "past." And I'm sorry.
And there's my bike.
One slap, Estaban will be shitting his pants
and begging you to take the keys.
- Trust me. - Okay. Wait here.
We'll handle this.
So, what's the plan?
We pretend we're undercover cops.
We're in the neighborhood, on another case, meeting with a C.I.
We clocked suspicious activity, ran the plates on the motorcycle,
- and it came up stolen. - Brilliant. I love all the police lingo.
Law & Order, season 14, " Can I Get a Witness?"
directed by Don Scardino. Sam Waterston has to prove some witnesses
- to a drug mule murder were bribed. - And does he?
Of course. That's not exactly our situation,
but there's plenty to pull from. I still remember most of the dialogue.
Just follow my lead.
Will do.
- Is Esteban home? - Who are you guys?
We'll be the ones asking the questions, ma'am.
Holy shit. Aren't you the Mandarin?
Yo, Esteban, the freaking Mandarin just showed up.
Come on in.
I think our cover's blown.
Mmm-hmm.
No. What?
It really is the Mandarin.
Bro, we used to scare each other in middle school
doing Mandarin impressions, yo.
"America, this is another lesson."
What the hell are you doin' here, bro?
Who's your friend?
- Simon. - We're industry friends.
Look, we don't want any trouble, okay?
Just give us the motorcycle. We won't have to call the cops.
Come on, man. Call the cops for what?
Well, a stolen bike, for one. And then, uh, this.
The candy?
We're not idiots, Espadien. These are
clearly drugs of some kind, possibly laced with angel dust?
Angel dust? When was the last time you did drugs?
Bruh, this is homemade candy. Chamoy.
Chamoy?
That's why everybody needs Latin friends, bro.
Look, this is tamarindo, fruit pulp,
chilies, and tajin mixed in with a bunch of different types of gummies.
It's my special recipe.
Look,
try a peach ring.
- Oh, my goodness. - Mmm-hmm.
That's incredible.
Sweet, spicy, sour.
Simon, you've got to try one.
I feel like Stevie Nicks having coke blown up her bunghole. Oh!
I really just wanna get Jayden's bike and be on our way.
Wait, Jayden? That's who told you the motorcycle was stolen?
- Yeah. - Okay, see,
now it's all starting to make sense, man.
You can't trust that guy for shit.
I told you, Simon. You can't trust Jayden for shit.
And what makes you so sure that we can trust Esteban?
Try a peach ring. You'll understand.
Look, man, you go back and tell Jayden if he wants my bike,
he's gonna have to come and take it himself
- instead of sending Beavis and Butt-Head. - Yeah, if... if you don't mind,
what's the story with you and Jayden?
There's obviously some, you know, history here.
- Well, yeah, we used to be boys. - Oh.
We started this whole chamoy candy operation together.
Chamoy Dudes. Shit blew up fast.
The minute he got a taste of success, everything changed.
Suddenly, the knives came out, wants to fight over every little damn thing.
We had to go our separate ways. He started his own operation.
Well, it certainly can't compete with these peach rings.
Just gotta be careful who you partner up with, right?
He's right.
We can learn a lot from Estabien.
So, do you wanna tell Jayden the deal is off, or shall I?
What are you talkin' about, Trevor?
H-Hold on. Jayden is here with y'all?
- Yeah, he's in the car. - No.
Trevor, we have to finish this job. Remember? It's important?
Yeah. Unfortunately, we've aligned ourselves with the wrong man.
What the hell's taking so long?
Oh, shit. Hey, I--
Oh, shit.
Where the hell is Trevor Slattery?
Uh...
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
Clearly, Esteban's the only man of any principle amongst the whole lot.
Oh, shit. You know what I just realized?
The Mandarin. Mandarins.
Diablo, yo, that's right.
We can get a video of the Mandarin making a batch of mandarins.
- That would be crazy! It would be so good. - Come on. Please.
- I'm sorry, I couldn't possibly. - Man...
That role is a source of great pain
for me.
- Trevor Slattery! - Bloody hell!
- Get out here now! - I'd rather not.
Then we'll kill your friend Jayden.
Please do.
- Trevor! - I mean, he's no friend of mine.
Hell, no, man. Y'all gotta go. I don't need this kind of trouble here.
- Help me, Trevor. - Not bloody likely.
I won't-- I won't post the video.
Shut up!
Oh, quick question.
Um, can someone set a GoPro to automatically upload a video to YouTube?
- Straight from the camera? - Uh, yeah.
- Without a laptop? - Without a laptop.
No, no. You have to download the footage first.
So whatever's on that camera is the only copy?
- Yes. - I knew it.
- Hey, you guys gotta go, man. - We just need the GoPro.
- We're golden. - Is that right?
Jayden's been lying to us the whole time.
I'm gonna count to ten, Trevor.
Hey, Mandarin, you gotta get out of here, bro.
Ten!
No, no, no. This is not happening!
Nine!
Just shove the GoPro through the mail slot, Jayden.
Eight!
- Seven! - I'm proud of you, Jayden!
Please don't let me die.
Six!
Esteban, I'm sorry about Chamoy Dudes, okay?
- I got... I got greedy. - Five!
You did, bro, but it's okay. I forgive you.
Four!
- Three! - Don't let me die today.
I don't want anybody to die today!
- Two! - We should go, Esteban!
- No, I can't just leave him here. - Oh, shit. It's Janelle.
- One! - They're here. Oh, my God.
- Hands up! - Janelle.
Oh, my God, Simon. Thank God you answered.
I'm gonna have to call you back, Janelle.
Simon, listen to me, do not hang up this phone.
We're just havin' a conversation, officer.
They're drug dealers. All of them!
We just make candy, Mrs. Gonzalez!
What the hell is goin' on over there?
Yeah, it's not a great time.
- Drop the weapon now! - Come on, bro!
If you do not drop that weapon...
Listen to me, Simon, Von Kovak is leaving town tomorrow.
- The callback has been moved up. - What?
The callback is happening now.
Get your ass to Von Kovak's house as fast as you can.
Put the gun down!
Oh, sh-- We gotta go!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Let's go, let's go, move, move.
- Wait for me. - Move!
- We're in the wrong seats! - Trevor, just drive! Drive!
♪ Well I don't take no stuff ♪
♪ I'm jumping jack flash ♪
♪ The bad guys try to do me in But I'm too smart for that ♪
♪ Faster than a speeding bullet ♪
♪ Jump buildings in a single bound ♪
♪ Known throughout the country ♪
♪ As the baddest, baddest man around ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm Superman ♪
♪ I'm Superman ♪
♪ Watch out for Filthy McNasty ♪
♪ He'll try to cross my lines ♪
♪ From kryptonite to TNT ♪
♪ He'll try to blow my mind ♪
♪ But I fight him with my goodness ♪
♪ And I fight him with my strength ♪
♪ If that don't work, my good friends ♪
♪ I'll hit him, hit him with The kitchen sink, yeah ♪
♪ Hah! 'Cause I'm Superman ♪
♪ I'm Superman ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ I'm rough, I'm tough I'm big bad stuff, yeah ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the baddest, baddest Baddest man around ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm Super ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm Superman ♪
♪ He's Superman ♪