Hello.
-Hi. -The governor would like to see her.
-Oh, really? -Yes.
Can she come now?
No.
-I'm sorry? -She's busy.
I have her schedule.
Okay, well, she's in a meeting right now, and she's got a long agenda, so, no.
I literally know everything she does in a day.
And she's literally not gonna be there. So what we talking about right now?
Are you kidding me?
Does this look like the face of a woman who's kidding?
It looks like the face of a woman who's constipated.
And I'm sure you got that effect on all women.
-You going to keep the governor waiting? -Is he Jesus?
-This is unreal. -Okay, well, you know what?
She gon' have him waiting as long as he had her waiting.
The governor is not gonna wait long. He's very busy.
And so am I.
Ma'am, your paperwork is upside down.
I like to work like that 'cause I'm dyslexic on my left side.
Uh-huh.
Okay, I will tell him to wait.
Mm-hmm. You do that.
-Mm. -Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
I think you better go tell her.
Why?
Because, Shamika, that could be important.
And so is everything that she been wanting to talk to him about.
Fine, I'll tell her.
Made me break my damn nail. You see this?
Girl, you got any nail glue?
I broke a nail, the middle one, it's important.
Oh, you got your schedule?
Uh, yeah. I see the apple orchard.
Oh, okay.
Tell her.
-Tell me what? -Girl, you ain't going to believe this.
What?
-Shamika, what? -Okay, the governor want to see you.
Oh, great! Finally.
Girl, where you going?
As long as he made you wait, make his ass wait.
-Sit down. -You're right.
Uh-huh. That is why your ass is single now.
You give it up too quick. You better make his ass wait.
-All right. That's right. -Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-I've been trying to see him for days. -Period.
-And he keeps making me wait. -He's an ass.
So he can't just demand to see me,
and I just jump up and show up because he asked.
-Who that nigga think he is? -He's white.
There's white, Black, Latino niggas.
-That is true. -You know.
Um, all right.
I better go.
Girl! You better stay strong.
I will. I'll stay strong talking to him.
And get me nail glue while you're there. Okay, thanks.
-…your attention, sir. -Oh, hi, Governor.
Hello. So how do you like your office, huh?
I… I love it. It's… it's great.
-Thank you. -Good, good.
Oh, did I say you could sit down?
Oh.
Oh, there we go.
You can sit.
All right.
Good girl.
Well, I've been trying to see you.
I'm sure you know how insane my schedule is.
Oh, I can imagine, yes.
But I see you're getting some things done.
Well, not as much as I would like, sir.
Well, that'll come. That'll come.
Okay, well, that's good to know. Thank you.
Smoke?
Oh, no. No, thank you.
Well, you'll start if you hang around here long enough.
Oh…
A little lung cancer never killed anybody.
You okay, Governor?
Damn it, Jed. Fan me.
No problem, sir.
So what do you want to talk to me about?
I… well--
-Dab me, Jed. -Yes, sir.
I wanted to talk to you about--
Watch the hair, Jed.
-I just wanted to talk to you-- -Rub my lips, Jed.
-Mm. Mm-hmm. -Well… Thank you.
I, um…
I wanted to discuss some of my assignments
and my staff.
I would like to make some changes and be more involved.
Sweetie, I need you to be happy and excited.
So, hell, I'm hanging on your every word.
So, what do you need?
Well, I would like to choose my own staff.
Not have it chosen for me.
-I am so sorry… -I would also like to be involved
-in meetings that involve our state. -…we gotta get you moving.
-Let me get you on the schedule. -30 more seconds.
Is it that time already?
I'm sorry. We'll get you on the schedule next week. I'll call Shamika.
Shamika.
-We'll get you in here next week. Come on. -Ten seconds.
-That's all I need. Nine? -I will get back to you.
-Five. -You're meeting with the pastors today.
-Four seconds? -Why don't we get up?
-There. Door is that way. -Get that to happen.
Oh, and by the way…
-Yes. -I just love the pig hollering thing.
Soo wee!
-Enjoy the apple orchard today. -Door is that way, ma'am.
-Thank you. -There we go.
I'll get Kamasha on the phone.
We're going to get you in next week. Promise.
-Shamika. -That's right.
Soo wee!
-Dab me, Jed. -Absolutely, sir. Here we go.
Look at… everyone.
Hi! Hello!
-What is wrong, Auntie Grandma? -I don't like the South.
We live in the South.
I'm from Atlanta. Everything south of Atlanta is the South.
When they bring you to places like this, you either wind up disappearing
or you wind up working for your freedom.
Swing low!
-Oh my God. -Shh.
Mama, please. Times have changed.
-These folks gonna put your ass to work. -Mama!
Here you go!
Oh!
-Thank you. -See what I mean?
It's a groundbreaking ceremony, Mama.
And they fixing to break your ass working.
We are so happy to have the lieutenant governor here…
-Hi. -…for the groundbreaking,
or should I say, "ground digging."
Oh my God! That's such a funny joke.
Ladies and gentlemen, our lieutenant governor.
Thank you.
I am excited to be here for our great governor, Governor Harper.
Yeah! Yay!
-Harper! Harper! -Great.
-He's so great. We love him so much. -Harper!
No, she don't.
Harper! Harper!
-Okay! -Harper!
Yep, that's great. Okay!
That's enough. That's enough. Thank you.
Okay, so I am happy to be here
for the groundbreaking ceremony of our new apple orchard.
-I want to thank Apple Bales Apples. -Orchard?
Wait, wait, wait!
I thought this was, um, Apple the… the computer.
-No. -Yeah, computers.
-It's-- -That's what we were promised.
Is this supposed to be the Apple store? Yeah, no.
This is supposed to be the apple orchard. We're gonna make things like jam and--
I didn't sell my land for them to build an orchard.
-Know how much water that takes? -We only have the one lake here.
This is going to be such a great opportunity for this area.
-And we really believe that-- -Who's "we"?
-That's not us. -Governor Harper and I.
No, Governor Harper wouldn't do this.
-He wouldn't do that! -Harper!
-Okay, yes, we love him. -Harper!
We want the governor!
-But… yeah. -Bring the governor!
Just keep going. Keep going.
Well, I am trying! I am trying!
Sorry.
So why don't we just get… get to the digging?
How about that?
-She don't even know what… -What's she doing?
Look at her. She don't even know how to use a shovel!
I do, and I got a backhoe to bury your ass!
We want iPads!
We want iPads! We want iPads!
I did it. I did it!
Go! We didn't vote for you anyway!
Oh, shit, it's about to be January 6th. We better get the car. Get the car.
-I think it's time we get out of here. -Get my daughter.
Thank you, guys, so much. I love y'all.
-We don't love you! Get out! -I'm praying.
We are paying for your gas, we are paying for your vehicles!
Thank you. Thank you so much. Jam!
She's taking our jam!
Mama, we got jam.
We don't want that shit! Let's go!
Mm. Mm-mm-mm.
Girl, that was a set-up.
Did you see the way Henry was smiling at you?
-You need to talk to the governor… today. -I know. I will when I get back.
And why would he send you out there like that? You know--
-Shamika. I know. -Okay.
You know, I've been trying to play nice.
And what is it getting you?
Digging a hole in the ground.
And I wish to God you could dig a hole big enough to bury him in.
-Mama. -Damn.
I wish his ass would just die.
Will you stop it?
I mean it. He don't care nothin' about you.
Yeah, no, I'm with Antoinette on this.
When you old, you shouldn't be wishing bad stuff on old people. That's bad luck.
-Mm. -Am I about to go…
-Right out that window. Sure are. -I'm sorry, Auntie Grandma.
Yeah, well, you just need to fix it. Need to fix it.
I will, Mom.
I'm just trying to learn the lay of the land.
The lay of the land is that you're shoveling cow shit
and hollering at pigs.
Fix it.
-Michael, can we drop her off at home? -Yes, ma'am.
Yeah, drop me off home, Mr. Sexy Man.
Mom!
Yes, ma'am.
Well, that was delightful.
-Delightful? -Yes.
Um, she almost got stoned.
Well, those people might be mean, but they won't bite, trust me.
Well, her mama will.
Speaking of which,
maybe we shouldn't be bringing her on excursions anymore.
Maybe we should stop having Antoinette going on those bullshit excursions.
Thank you.
But that's the job of the lieutenant governor.
Oh what, to do the grunt work of the governor?
Mm…
It's not grunt work.
-Really? -Really.
Henry, did he promise that town a computer center?
Mm…
Not exactly.
No, he did. I just looked it up.
He knew they were gonna be angry.
-Right? -You can't please everyone, am I right?
Henry, what exactly is the governor doing?
Well, he flew up to the northern part of the state.
You saw the flooding. He's out there touring the areas.
And…
Then he's meeting with the governors of the South Alliance
to discuss the pipeline that goes from Texas to Florida.
Now he really needs to get those governors behind him.
And then he's having a dinner.
-What time is that dinner? -I don't know.
-Find out. -May I ask why?
Look, if you question me, maybe you're in the wrong position.
Okay.
You know what? I'm sorry.
I could tell that that shovel really got under your skin today.
I'm sorry. That shovel really about to go upside your head.
Uh, okay, I'm sorry.
Let me look.
It's at seven. There you go.
-Where? -Here in the dining room.
-Great. -But you can't go.
Excuse me?
Because you have a meeting with the pastors at that time.
Why is it that I'm always busy when the governor is available?
You are doing very important work here
that the governor wouldn't be able to do without you.
And the meeting with the pastors is very important.
-It's all here in your brief. -Oh!
That's the Lord's work.
You got this.
What the hell?
This is one page of nothing! Three fourths of it is the state seal.
Girl, Henry don't be giving you shit.
I really think they're setting me up to fail.
I'm only gonna be pushed so far.
So what you gonna do about it?
-Mm. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-That bad bitch gonna show up? -Yeah.
-Pump my shoulders. -Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
You was top of your class at Harvard.
-Yes, I was. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-You from the South Side. -Yes, I am!
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And whose name is there?
Lieutenant Governor Dunkerson!
-You be walking around in kitten heels! -Yes!
And you be doing all that shit with them inverted ass nipples.
Even when they was calling you Forest Titaker, bitch,
we was getting real hype.
-Too far. -That was too much?
-Thank you. -Okay.
I feel better.
Good, good.
You do realize this is a very important meeting.
There's nothing that's gonna be left unsaid.
The lieutenant governor.
Why are you talking like you're in the British Parliament?
-I've been practicing. -Stop!
I'm sorry.
Hello, gentlemen. Hello, hello, hello.
Hello, Lieutenant Governor. Nice to see you.
Oh, but it is nice to see you too, Reverend.
Bishop.
Yes, Reverend Bishop. It's nice to see you.
No, no, I am a bishop.
Yes.
You add my name after "Bishop."
Of course.
So, Bishop…
Bishop, uh…
Ah, yes, Bishop.
-My goodness, it's so great to see you. -Yes.
Thank you all for just…
having me.
Girl, you got to tell them to be seated in the presence of God.
-Gotta say it how they say it. "Go-wd." -"Go-wd."
You may be seated in the presence of "Go-wd."
-Hey! Glory. Glory, glory. -Yes.
Amen.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you all for having me.
We wanted to see the governor.
Well, talking to me is just like speaking to the governor.
It's all fine. It's all fine, brother.
Yes.
-My church got out and voted for you. -Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Amen. So, let's get down to business. I'm sure you must be very busy.
Carrying the governor's water.
We have a set agenda, but we'll let you go first.
Thank you.
So…
You don't know why you're here, do you?
I am here for…
For…
To help.
Good.
Then help us.
That is why I'm here.
So, what is the plan?
The plan, 'cause I have one.
-Mm. -Mm-hmm.
Which is to…
Well…
God always has a plan.
-Oh, glory! -Yes.
-In the name of the Father! -Amen.
So, the plan is to have a plan
to implement the plan so that we don't get caught off guard
without a plan, and that is the plan.
-You sound like a politician. -Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry, guys.
I just… I… I have to be honest.
That is the first time the politician's ever done that in the presence of "Go-wd."
Amen! Glory, glory, glory.
My agenda just got a little mixed up today.
So, why don't you all fill me in?
Tell them.
I have 47 elderly members
being displaced by putting that pipeline right through our community.
-What? -You didn't know?
-Of course I did. -Then why do you look surprised?
I just got Botox done. It's settling in.
Gentlemen, in defense of the governor, there's gonna be lots of jobs.
When they ever brought jobs to us? Every promise is a lie.
Well, wait a minute, brother. The governor is on our side.
-If you think back-- -He's not.
He just sent her here to pacify us
so he can do something underhanded to take away these people's land.
We ain't having it.
Listen, if they move that pipeline two miles north,
then none of these people will be affected.
Yes, but that comes at a cost.
Our tax dollars!
I'm for it.
Why you on his side? What are we missing here?
You're just like them.
Told you he's in the bed with them.
-My mama live over there. -Mm-hmm.
I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry.
No, I'm… I'm sorry. I should have been more prepared.
Listen, you tell the governor for me that I will get them to turn around.
-What about the people who will lose-- -Don't worry about that.
In the name of the Father
and the Son and the Holy Ghost,
I will get them to change their mind.
You tell the governor that for me. Will you do that for me, sister?
Yes.
I appreciate the "yes." Oh, glory, brother!
That was it. That was the last straw.
-You said that the last time. -Shamika.
-You said it the time before that. -I am serious.
I need information on that pipeline, every county that it's going through.
Okay, I'm on it.
Look, I am not walking into another ambush.
I need to be thoroughly briefed on everything moving forward.
As you should be.
-That is your job, Shamika. -I thought that was Henry's job.
-It's your job to have my back. -And I got your back.
I always got your back, 'cuz. What?
Apple orchards?
Pig hollering?
I mean, but you were really good at the pig hollering, Nette.
-Shamika, stop. -It's all over the internet.
You saw it, Mike, right?
Wait, you saw it too?
-Sorry, ma'am, I did. -Oh my God.
It went viral. They doing remixes to your voice. Girl, you famous.
This is not funny, Shamika.
Girl, this my shit. This my ringtone now.
Kill me. Just kill me now.
Oh God.
-You good? -Yeah.
May I say something?
Say something.
Sure.
-I know this is hard for you. -You have no idea.
No, I see it.
But you're doing a great job handling everything.
Aw…
-Thank you. -Sure.
Oh, and I wanted to give you this jam. It was left in the car.
No, thank you, I don't…
She gave everybody one. This is yours. I actually set it aside for you.
-You did? -Yeah.
Thank you.
Sure.
Thank you, Michael.
He gave you the jam.
Girl, he's flirting with you.
He's not flirting.
That would be highly inappropriate. We are not doing that.
But it's sweet that he gave me the jam. That was really…
-Give me the maps! I need the maps! -I'm on it, I got you. Damn.
-Where, Shamika? -These are all the photos. See?
Sham--
-That's not the map. That's my bad. -Oh my God!
-Oh my God. -Basil's on there… in my thing.
Please give me the map, Shamika!
-Okay. I got it. -Give it.
-It's there. Don't scroll far. -I heard my name?
Hey, boo-boo.
What's up?
-And don't be scrolling. -I'm not.
Just look at the map, only the map. No scrolling.
-I hear you playing that sex video? -Yeah.
I told you to delete that. That wasn't my best work.
-I thought you did good. It was a C. -You gotta let me redeem myself.
-We gonna do something later. -There gonna be a movie?
Yeah.
-There's four positions. -Just four this time.
What's going on? Another bad day?
Baby, it keep getting worser and worser.
-That's not a word? -What?
You always say it while we're doing sex. "Worser" is not a word.
-I'm sorry. -What should I say?
-Just "worse." -Okay.
Oh my God! Oh my God! I got it.
-I got it. -What the fuck?
Why're you dressed like a drill sergeant?
-You about to get ready to go to war? -Yeah, kinda.
Do you know that this pipeline is going straight through
all the poorest neighborhoods of three states?
-For real? -For real?
Yes, and that Reverend Jones?
-Yeah. -He stands to make a whole bunch of money.
You see, them the ones you gotta watch, them preachers.
-Real talk. -I know.
-So what you gonna do? -I got it.
I'm talking about Michael. You real excited.
-This is serious. -Girl, so are his abs. You seen them?
Hold on, baby, you never said nothing about my abs.
-You know, baby… -You guys.
-I'm here for your face. It's the neck up. -Stop it, please!
-Can we go to bed? It's been a long day. -Mm-hmm.
You don't even have a job, Basil.
I will when you give me one.
Good night, Basil.
I can't wait to take a bath with you. You can wash this Civil War smell off me.
I got you, boo.
If you're not gonna use this, can I have it?
Give me that!
Okay, damn.
Oh, girl, it's a note.
That must be from Senator Sims.
I don't know.
"I can't wait to see you every morning."
-"My life lights up." -What?
"You're so beautiful and so strong."
"I look forward to the day when the work won't get in the way."
Oh my God. What?
"PS, I can't wait to make love to you with the jam."
"That will be the real jam."
No, no, no… He has to go.
For this?
What do you mean, "For this"?
I can't have somebody driving me who feels like this about me.
Oh, well, Basil can drive you, then.
-That's it. -What?
-I'm done. -Where're you going?
You don't want it? With the note?