-Good mornin'. -[groans]
Since when do you drink coffee?
Since I didn't get any sleep last night.
Oh, honey. Bad dreams?
I wish. I had to hear people doin' it all night.
Oh. You heard that.
Yes, and it was disgusting.
I'm sorry.
It's just that your father and I were apart all summer.
Oh, my God. I was talking about Mandy and Georgie.
Oh. Right.
Ew! You were doin' it too?
Well, it's... different.
Your father and I are married.
So when we're... amorous--
I don't wanna hear about this.
[grunts] What's for breakfast? I am hungry.
Nope.
What's her problem?
[Missy] Thin walls.
She heard Mandy and Georgie...
-You know. -Oh.
-At least she didn't hear us. -[sighs]
[theme song playing]
You need to talk to your son.
About what?
I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with him and Mandy bein' intimate.
They have a baby, Mary.
You're a little late to the party.
But now they are living under our roof
and they are still not married.
This again?
I am serious.
We have teenagers sleepin' in the house.
What kind of example are they settin'?
The same example you were settin' last night.
-We are married. -And they're engaged.
Well, what are they waitin' for?
Why are you askin' me?
We have to say somethin'.
Or we mind our business.
It is a sin, George.
And like a good Christian, I choose to forgive them.
-Cheers. -[huffs]
Hey. You two decent?
[Mandy] Yeah. Come on in.
Oh, hi, sweet girl.
She keepin' y'all up?
No, she's a good sleeper.
She gets that from me.
So what's goin' on?
Well, I want to talk to you about your weddin'.
Uh, what about it?
When's it happenin'?
Oh, well, honestly, since the tornado and moving,
we haven't really given it much thought.
Of course, that makes sense.
So let's think about it now.
What's the rush?
Well, you're livin' together, sleepin' together,
doing other things together.
I told you we were being too loud.
I'm ticklish. I can't help it.
Okay. I just think if you're gonna be doin' that,
you should be married.
I thought when you got married, you stopped doin' that.
No. In fact-- Don't change the subject.
I'll get the monitor and the computer.
You get the printer.
-Hello. -Hello.
Don't forget the modem.
I thought you were in school.
Oh, I was. Evan and I just came here to get my computer.
I'm guessin' this is Evan.
-Yes. -Isn't he great?
Uh, Shelly, we're kind of in the middle of somethin'.
Still? I was hopin' we were done.
Nope. I'm not done.
Just pretend we're not here as I'm doing with you.
I mean, she does have a point.
What are we waitin' for?
I guess nothin'.
Okay, then, let's plan a weddin'.
Wait. A wedding?
Does that mean I have to be the best man?
No, Sheldon.
Okay. But I am the best and I am a man.
Just listen to my voice.
Okay, I'll do it.
-Can I come? -Sure.
-No. -No.
-Hi. -This is a nice surprise.
Mom around?
Why?
I'm not lookin' for a fight. I just have a wedding update.
Them's sounds like fightin' words to me.
-Dad. -Audrey, Mandy's here.
She says she's not lookin' for a fight.
-Hello, Amanda. -Hi, Mom.
It just get chilly in here or what? [chuckles]
Just wanted you both to know that
Georgie and I are gonna be goin' down
to City Hall next Friday, and I was hopin' you'd be there.
City Hall? Is that really what you want?
Well, it's not our first choice,
but after the tornado, it's kind of all we can afford.
Of course, we'll be there.
If you want a bigger wedding, we'll pay for it.
What? I thought you were too embarrassed
for us to have a big wedding.
Excuse me. I'm gonna...
I don't want to argue.
I just want to be part of my granddaughter's life.
A part of your life.
-And Georgie's. -Mmm-hmm.
And if a big wedding is what's gonna make you happy...
then I wanna do that for you.
-Okay, what's the catch? -No catch.
And if you want to get married at City Hall, that's fine, too.
Dad, Mom's being weird.
[Jim] I'm not here.
I just...
I just wanna make things right between us.
Okay. Thanks.
So what happens now?
I'm not used to ending a conversation
where one of us doesn't storm out.
How about a hug?
Okay.
Oh, that is weird.
Yeah, it was real nice of you two
to pay for the weddin'.
Well, you know, parents of the bride. Tradition.
Yeah. If you need us to help out at all, we can kick in.
-No, we got it. -Good, 'cause we can't.
[chuckles] That's okay.
I get to walk my daughter down the aisle.
You can't put a price on that.
Mmm. Yeah.
I was real happy to hear Mandy and her mom are gettin' along.
Me too.
You know, I wouldn't say this to either of them,
but they're both a little, uh...
Willful?
Sure, let's go with willful.
I'm so glad they're havin' a real weddin'.
I got married at City Hall
and I always kind of regretted it.
We went all out.
I had a gown made special in Dallas,
the shoes to match,
and a white cowboy hat with a rhinestone brim.
Oh, you must have been so beautiful.
Did Jim wear a tux?
Probably. I don't really remember.
Do you think Mandy will let us help her pick out a dress?
I hope so.
When she was a TV weather girl,
you wouldn't believe the outfits she wore.
Oh, I'm sure she looked cute.
Maybe if she was doing the weather
on the street corner.
Oh my.
Well, I'm sure she'll dress modestly for church.
They are havin' a church weddin', right?
Oh, they are definitely havin' a church wedding.
That is one thing I am not budging on.
Good. You and I are both on the same page there.
In fact, I already talked to Father Donovan.
Oh. Uh...
Is that your father?
No, he's our priest.
Oh.
So you think they're gettin' married
in a Catholic Church?
Well, of course. We're Catholic.
Oh. Well, Mandy said that you don't go to church that often.
So how Catholic could you be?
Well, that's a funny question comin' from a woman
who left her own church.
I went back!
And my granddaughter is not gonna be raised Catholic.
She's gonna worship Jesus, not the pope.
We don't worship the pope.
Well, y'all sure bought him a pretty fancy car.
You want another beer?
Hang on.
Yes.
You people don't even dance.
What kind of a wedding is that?
It is about the union of two souls,
not doin' the hokey pokey.
Well, George, it was nice while it lasted.
Yeah, you take care of yourself.
-All right. -...no alcohol.
That's all you people care about, drinkin'.
Jesus drank wine!
Well, he probably had to to put up with people like you!
[Audrey scoffs]
She just thinks she can take over the whole weddin'.
Well, they are payin' for it.
So they can just buy CeeCee's soul?
No, no. No, you're right.
How can you be eatin' right now?
I was up at 4:00 a.m. spritzing this thing.
Come on, try some.
I'm not hungry.
You sound hungry.
Fine.
Okay, it's delicious, but it doesn't change anything.
Ooh, smells good.
Hey, where are my folks?
Oh, what'd she do?
I don't want to put you in the middle.
Great. I'm gonna make a plate before Dad finishes it all.
What? There's 14 pounds.
We're sayin' the same thing, big boy.
It's just your mother's tryin' to get you to do things her way,
and I... want you to have the wedding that you want.
Which would be the wedding that you want.
Or do we want the same thing?
[Mandy] Spit it out, Mary.
Your mother is insisting
that you get married in the Catholic Church.
And you want us to get married in the Baptist Church.
It's an option, but anywhere is fine.
Is it?
Yeah, but you can't drink and dance at a Baptist wedding.
Was I talking to you?
Dumbass.
It's just a little water on her head.
It's not a big deal.
Sure. Um...
It's your weddin'. It's your child.
If you are okay, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
Then I'm also okay.
Hi, Pastor Jeff.
Can you come over right now?
I need you to save someone's soul.
[doorbell rings]
Whose soul needs savin'?
Is it Sheldon? I've been waitin' for this.
No. Still prayin' for him.
Come in. We don't have much time.
-What's goin' on? -Mandy and Georgie are out.
So I was hopin' that maybe we could sneak in
an early baptism for CeeCee.
You know, we don't do infant baptism.
Yeah, yeah, but I'm afraid that if we don't do it now,
CeeCee's gonna end up... Catholic.
They do love to get 'em early.
Yes. Come on.
Do you trust in Jesus Christ
as your personal Lord and Savior?
[CeeCee coos]
Close enough.
It's on your profession of faith that I baptize you
in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy--
Hey.
Hey, sweetie. How was school?
What's going on here?
Just washin' CeeCee's hair.
With Pastor Jeff?
It takes a village.
Whatever.
-Go, go, go, go. -And the Holy Spirit.
-Amen. -[Mary gasps]
In your face, Catholics.
You know, I was thinkin'.
For your something old, you could wear my veil.
You know, Georgie's 11 years younger than me.
I think I am the something old.
Don't worry.
When he loses all his hair,
he's gonna look way older than you.
Aw. Thanks.
Hey, would you be upset
if we didn't get married by Father Donovan?
Did that woman convince you to get married Baptist?
She says it's not a cult, but I'm not so sure.
No, no, we're just-- We're thinking maybe no church.
It's just causing fights
and Georgie and I don't really care.
What about CeeCee?
Aren't you gonna get her baptized?
I don't know.
Maybe when she's older, if that's what she wants.
It's your wedding.
Whatever makes you happy makes me happy.
Thanks, Mom. That means a lot.
Look at that sweater.
That would look so good on you.
Actually, that is cute.
-You should go try it on. -You think so?
Yeah. I'll watch CeeCee.
We'll go do a lap around the park.
Really?
Here. Take my credit card.
It's on me.
Thanks.
[doorbell rings]
I baptize you in the name of the Father.
And the Son.
And the Holy Spirit.
-Amen. -Amen.
Here's a little somethin' for you.
Mmm! This is delicious.
Well, you should have tried it two days ago.
I wanted to, but instead we left. [chuckles]
-That's all in the past. -Right.
It was silly of us to put our stuff onto the kids.
It's their wedding.
Weddings make everyone crazy.
They're also a celebration of love.
Sure.
Well, whatever they decide with CeeCee, that is up to them.
And the Lord.
-Amen. -Amen, indeed.
Shelly? Everything okay?
No, it is not. Both my computer and my trust have been betrayed.
Okay, well, we're with company now.
You can fill us in later.
I won't ruin your dinner with the suspense.
Evan upgraded my computer.
Oh. That sounds nice.
He didn't even ask me.
-Is it better? -It's different.
What kind of person takes something
that doesn't belong to them
and changes it behind their back?
Well, maybe he thought he was doin'
the best thing for your computer.
It's my computer. It should have been my decision.
I don't even have a room to storm off to.
He gonna be okay?
Tonight? Sure.
Big picture?
[adult Sheldon] I've got a hot wife and a Nobel Prize.
I turned out fine.
Hey, you need a hand?
Oh. Yeah. Thank you.
It sounds like things went better with my parents.
Yes, all good.
We were both bein' stubborn before.
Yeah, I know this is hard,
but thank you for lettin' us
-make our own decisions for our kid. -Mmm-hmm.
-You okay? -Yeah. Yeah.
But, uh, there's somethin' you should know.
CeeCee accidentally got splashed here in the sink this mornin'.
-So what? -Uh...
Pastor Jeff did the splashing while he was baptizin' her.
[gasps]
That's all.
Can you believe it?
I'm not surprised she would do somethin' like this.
But don't worry.
I was one move ahead.
What does that mean?
It means my granddaughter's soul is safe.
What'd you do?
Is that the sweater I bought you?
It looks so cute.
What did you do?
-I baptized her. Grow up. -[gasps]
Hey, I thought I heard you-- Okay.
[Mandy] And they both went behind our backs.
I mean, can you believe that?
Well, my mom's pretty religious, so that makes sense.
And you're just okay with this?
Is it that big a deal?
They sprinkled some water on CeeCee's head
and asked God to look out for her.
Where's the harm?
Do I have to explain it to you?
No.
But could you?
They're making decisions about our child
without talking to us.
That's totally unacceptable.
I'm right there with you. Not cool.
Okay, so what are we gonna do about it?
Well, I'm gonna talk to both of them
and make it real clear there'll be no more baptizin'.
We are done with that.
I forget sometimes what a child you are.
You know, when you say hurtful stuff like that,
you sound a little like your mother.
Say that again.
I kind of wish I never said it the first time.
Mmm-hmm.
Why do I even talk?
[adult Sheldon] Evan upgraded my computer, which made it smarter.
There was one problem.
The darn thing was smarter than me.
[grumbles]
What are you doin' here?
What are you doing here?
Mandy and I had a little disagreement.
I'm givin' her some space to cool off.
That seems wise. You can be quite annoying.
I thought you were stayin' at your dorm.
I was. My roommate violated my Tandy.
Who's Tandy?
That's sick.
That's what I said.
Mind if I crash here tonight?
I do.
Yeah, well, I'm crashin' here tonight.
Fine.
Let me ask you a question.
Can you unbaptize somebody?
Well, since it's a magical ceremony
that doesn't mean anything, then sure, why not?
In the name of science and reason, I unbaptize you.
No, not me. Put it back.
Okay.
Control Z. You're baptized.
Thanks.
And it's not for me. It's for my daughter.
Mom baptized her in the kitchen sink,
and Mandy's mom did it in the Catholic Church.
Sure, Baptists versus Catholics.
Much blood was shed over that in the 1500s.
They did it without telling us.
Rude.
Anyway, Mandy's on a warpath,
and all they were tryin' to do is help.
Well, you're lucky it was just a baby
and not a computer.
It don't look broken.
-Doesn't, and it isn't. -Ain't.
Point is my roommate went behind my back.
Did he at least mean well?
Absolutely. He's a nice fella.
Then what's your problem?
I'll show you.
[automated voice] Check. Checkmate. Computer wins.
And it's set to novice level.
I don't understand a damn thing I'm lookin' at.
You know, I'm not a lawyer, but you could make the argument
that my child was kidnapped twice.
And you'd think Georgie would be on my side,
but he wasn't even upset.
Well, you know, sometimes men can be idiots.
Lovable idiots.
Look, they crossed the line and there is no defending that.
-Thank you. -You know, sometimes
grandparents just think they can do whatever they want.
-And they can't. -That's right.
Great-grandparents, on the other hand,
well, they get a free pass.
'Cause they've got one foot in the grave.
Take a break.
[Mandy] So what am I gonna do?
I mean, I live with Mary and I'm stuck with my mother.
Well, there have to be consequences.
Maybe you could start by cutting off access
to CeeCee for a little while.
Yeah, but then I have no babysitters.
Well, let's keep thinkin'.
Unless you two are volunteering.
Keep thinkin'.
-Mornin'. -Mornin'.
What do you want?
I brought you some flowers.
You didn't have to do that.
I had to do somethin' to apologize.
For?
For not being on your side?
Attaboy.
Thank you.
Y'all got anything goin' on today?
Not much.
Well, I had a nap on the docket.
How do you feel about coming down to City Hall
to witness me and Georgie gettin' married?
-We're gettin' married? -Shh!
What about your parents?
Well, you're the one that said there had to be consequences.
So we're really not gonna invite our folks?
Is that okay?
I guess the only person I need there is you.
Oh, a spite wedding. I had one of those.
Shut up. Let me get my purse.
[theme music playing] purse.