Case number 137.
Sukku Mahto versus Birju Mahto.
This is Jaitleyji.
Nagrath Constructions has appointed him as their lawyer.
Poor laborers, dying of hunger, working hard to survive.
I didn't get a chance to say any of that.
He went straight to the issue of compensation.
He asked me, "How much will it take to get these poor people off this land?"
I took a chance and said, "Three lakhs. "
But he said, "No, not three. "
Five!
Because it's not easy for someone to move their lives,
belongings out of their one and only home.
So instead of three, take five but settle this quickly.
He must be coming with the check.
Bagai.
Tyagiji.
When you agree to a settlement with Jaitley Saab,
you must have felt a little ashamed. Hmm?
Ashamed?
"Slut, fucking idiot, bimbo…
fucking bitch. "
If this is the language that Golu has been using,
then the woman was right to file a molestation case.
Lowkey outraged her modesty, right?
That's a straight one-year jail term.
Didi, how can you blame my little Golu.
He's still a small baby.
So he used a little foul language, how can they send him to jail for that?
I mean, this Hemlata also uses a lot of foul language for Golu.
"You dog, rascal, son of a bitch. "
Arre, these are not swear words, these are just insults.
And what's the difference in that?
The "F" word.
A real swear word will always have the "F" word.
F-U.
-Mother-F. -F.
Arre, "F" has the power to turn a man's duty into profanity.
For example,
Shuklaji has a physical relationship with his wife.
So, Shukla is a number one wife-F.
You see, "F" is the villain in our vocabulary.
A total scumbag.
Didi, they were right about you, you can win any argument.
Now I'm sure you are going to save my Golu.
Of course, I'm gonna save him.
And I'm gonna charge you 3,000.
Three?
Forget three, I'll give you four.
But please get my poor Golu released today.
Look. Look at how weak he has become.
Where?
He's right there.
That's your Golu?
Yeah.
He molested someone?
So just because Jaitley is a high court lawyer
with his own law firm,
you're going to give up this case?
Look, Bagai Saab,
you and I are litigation lawyers.
We wear black coats in this sweltering Delhi heat
and present our arguments ourselves every day.
And these firm guys, they sit comfortably
in a fancy air-conditioned cabin in Greater Kailash
taking calls and consulting with clients.
Bagai Saab, he should be taking selfies with us instead.
Jaitleyji taking a selfie with us?
I know that a litigator should never lose a case to a law firm owner, but…
Jaitleyji is in a league of his own.
He is a very big player.
Arre, who cares if he's the biggest player in the game.
This Patparganj casino belongs to us.
All the dealers here work for us.
Forget dealers, all the cards belong to us.
So, when we finally have to show,
we'll have three aces.
How many?
Three.
Have some.
Vaah! Your home, your family, your son, and now his office.
I think I have seen everything I need to.
Bhaisaab, we will have a destination wedding
in the grounds behind our house.
Papa, that's not a destination wedding, it's a wedding destination.
So, bhaisaab, let's go ahead with the engagement.
-Yeah, yeah. -Vishwas!
Please put numbers on the desks in the foyer.
Otherwise, my clients--
Sorry! Were you in the middle of something?
-Uh, no I-- -Vishwas Sir is getting married!
Vishwas Sir is getting married!
Wow! Congratulations, man!
Thank you!
Papa, this is Ani. Ani, uh, this is my dad.
-Hello! Hi! -This is Varsha's dad.
-Hi! -And this is Varsha.
Varsha, you're a very lucky girl.
You know, he talks about you all the time.
He was telling me, "You know at the court, all the boys have a big crush on Ani. "
Okay, what were you saying?
The desks in the foyer. Could you please number them?
Okay, I'll do it today.
Great!
Nice to meet you all. Oh, Congratulations.
-So, bhaisaab… -Hmm.
Shall we get them engaged?
-Yes, of course. Let's do it. -One minute!
I need time to think about it.
Mm.
Courtroom number 134 in 45 minutes.
-Okay, Didi. -Don't be late.
-Okay. -Wanna have lunch?
Yeah, sure, Didi.
You'll get it outside the gate. Great food.
Shambhu bhai, two Masala Dosas.
Didi, tell me what was the second swear word Golu used against Hemlata?
-Fucking idiot. -That's what you are becoming.
Daleel bhai, mind your language or I'll give you a tight slap.
You're the one slapping your own face.
The band guy would have easily paid 40,000.
We could have given the case to Bagaiji and made 4,000.
But you took three to fight the case yourself!
Don't say "ji" and give him respect.
I mean, is he the only lawyer here?
Aren't we lawyers? Huh?
Didn't we get our degrees? Didn't we do our BA LLB?
Wouldn't it be nice to fight your own case someday?
It's been years, yaar.
Imagine Bainsla Sir saying these words,
"Nice work, Sujata! Oh-oh! You're a real legal mama!"
So, we are fighting this case ourselves?
Yeah.
But are we in that league?
Daleel bhai, Munshiji always says--
Munshi doesn't even have his own chamber.
He sits next to Tyagiji.
Hey, Daleel bhai!
Gandhiji…
-Munshiji. -Oh!
Munshiji says, "If you want your own chamber,
then you have to fight your own case.
-Hmm… -And where will you find
an easier case than this?
-The first hearing, he'll be out on bail. -No, you're right about it.
Who ordered this Rajma Chawal?
They have only made Rajma Chawal today.
With extra ginger.
Why?
Tyagiji's orders.
This is perfect, Tyagi! Very, very tasty!
Jaitley getting screwed today!
If the Rajma is cooked well,
that means you've got your first ace up your sleeve.
I'm confused now.
How can the beans become an ace?
You'll find out very soon Bagai Saab.
Thank you, Simran.
You're thanking your little sister?
If you thank me again, I won't help you with your scams anymore.
Give my little sister her gift.
Curler! That too by Michelle!
Now my curls won't get spoiled in the shower.
Okay. See you later!
Bye!
Tyagiji, here are your other two aces.
Bagai Saab.
Oh, my God!
Tyagiji, now this is what you call an ace!
Thanks a lot, Peshkarji! Thanks a lot!
-Law and Order. -Yes, sir?
Get on your sports bike right now,
and go and find Virendra Madhav and turn this into an ace.
-Sir. -Yes, Sir.
Your Honor, Jaitleyji is here.
-He's here? -Yes.
Your Honor, the parties have reached an agreement in the Honorable High Court.
In spite of the illegal occupation,
my client, Nagrath Constructions,
has shown immense largeness and offered a very generous compensation.
Jaitleyji, I am Sunil.
It's the first time I'm seeing you in person.
Please don't mind, huh?
I mean, the importance of the matter is quite obvious
since you have come personally to seal the deal,
but don't worry, we are going to wrap this up today.
Okay, Bagaiji, let's hear it!
Hear what, Your Honor?
Bagaiji, Jaitleyji has the check ready.
Should we sign the agreement?
I wasn't paying attention to him, Your Honor.
Excuse me?
-Excuse me. -Uh-uh, excuse me!
You weren't paying attention to him?
Do you know what a big lawyer Jaitleyji is?
He calls the High Court just court.
Sorry, Your Honor. But you also can't pay attention to him.
He's not the appointed lawyer for this case.
Really, Bagaiji? What are you talking about?
He has filed an invalid letter of authorization.
This has the name of the associate council.
But his name is nowhere.
Your Honor, he must be mistaken.
My colleagues cannot commit such an oversight.
Peshkarji, check it, please.
Yes, Sir. Look at this.
Jaitleyji's name is missing.
Your Honor…
these big law firms types think that since Patparganj Court
is not a high court, it doesn't deserve any respect.
They think they can just walk in here
and start presenting their case.
Your Honor, I will duly fill in the authorization letter
after the hearing, but I don't think it's needed for the signing--
No, no, no. Jaitleyji, Jaitleyji.
That would be a mistake.
If it was any other lawyer, I might have allowed it.
But it's you, and you move in the same circles
as high court judges.
It would give the wrong impression.
Why don't you sign the authorization letter
and come back by 12:00? I'm not going anywhere. Okay?
Look, why don't we talk about this in private?
It doesn't look good to argue like this in front of our fathers.
Really? We can't argue in front of our fathers?
But you can hug a girl?
He wants to marry me, but has a crush on Aniji.
Bhaisaab, what's the meaning of "crush"?
Uh, crush means, uh…
…to grind. To grind.
Oh! To grind?
Arre, Varsha, so you have a crush on Ranbir Kapoor.
Are you going to run away with him?
No. Because he won't barge into my room and put his arms around me like that.
Come on. What's wrong with all of you?
Okay, I admit that Ani is very beautiful.
But I know she's way out of my league.
Uncle, we are certified middle-class people.
Even our glasses aren't made of glass, they're made of steel.
Nothing will ever happen between us.
-Trust me! -Okay.
I want to hear the same words from her mouth.
Let me know.
Slut! Fucking idiot! Fucking whore!
Hey, cover him. Cover him up!
Bimbo!
Get him out of here. Take him away.
-Take him! -Your Honor…
did he say fucking idiot or fucking whore first?
Arre, you don't have to type all that.
Go ahead, PP Saab.
Your Honor, every intelligent Indian woman
knows that when she steps out of the house,
she's going to have to put up with a lot of catcalls.
Like "baby doll", "sex bomb", "hottie", and many others like that.
But to hear "fucking whore".
Your Honor.
Because of the neighbor's parrot,
it is impossible for Hemlataji to leave the house.
And it is not as if, uh…
all this teasing and harassing is going on behind her back.
No, no, no!
It's out in the open.
Children gather around then entire families come out
of their houses and stand there.
Everyone's laughing as if they are watching a matinee show.
Just like they are doing here.
This is how they respect women.
Not so funny now, is it?
Eh?
Weren't you the one going ke-ke-ke-ke-ke-ke a minute ago?
-PP Saab. -Yes. Yes, Your Honor?
-Please address the bench. -Your Honor,
these are the same women who sit in the evening shelling peas.
Expressing their disappointment, saying,
"Why didn't our Golu call Hemlataji a fucking whore today?"
And the person behind all this is her own nephew.
Where is he? There, that's Praveen.
She's your aunt?
-It's a 509 violation. -Objection!
Your Honor, the parrot swore at her. So how can 509 apply to him?
Sit down!
This is why I don't like to have arguments with lawyers from the foyer.
God knows where they get their degrees from!
PP Saab.
Uh, Your Honor, Bhuvan Singh versus Union of India,
Rajesh Sharma versus State of Jharkhand.
I can present multiple precedents where the owner was held liable
for the bad behavior of their pets.
-Show me. -Please.
"How can 509 apply?"
Does the defense have anything to say?
Your Honor, she only makes deals.
She's a broker.
Ha!
She's come in here by mistake today.
And anyway, I doubt she's prepared anything.
Now she'll ask for an adjournment.
I don't want an adjournment.
But now, this also involves animal law.
So, in order to prepare our defense,
we just need a little more time, Your Honor.
That's what an adjournment is.
Yes, sir.
-Madhav! -Sir, we actually found his office
more than half an hour ago, but we're not able to enter it.
Hey, Madhav! Hold on!
Arre, stop, yaar!
Sir!
Madhav!
Sir, Order is after him! Sir, Order got him, sir!
-Are you Virendra Madhav? -What do you want?
Arre, you're a fucking jackass, Madhavji!
If you are going to run a notary office from a rickshaw against court orders,
then at least park it in one place!
If someone wants to get their documents verified,
how do they find you?
You're juniors, right?
The day you motherfuckers get fired, don't you dare come to me.
I'll beat you black and blue. What do you want?
Tyagiji wants to talk to you.
Oh, Tyagiji!
Sir, pranam!
I know they don't look like it but both of them are my juniors.
Sir!
They'll tell you what to do but I want it done by twelve o'clock.
Sir!
Your Honor, as already agreed upon in the Honorable High Court--
Your Honor!
I would like to ask the court,
is only the High Court deserving of respect?
Doesn't Patparganj Court deserve at least a little respect?
Uh… uh…
It deserves a little respect.
Your Honor, I've duly filled the authorization letter.
Now, let's proceed with the--
If we deserve respect, Your Honor,
then why did Jaitleyji commit fraud?
-Uh… -Fraud?
You Honor, this is the second ace.
Ah! Affidavit.
This affidavit was notarized on 14th of February, Your Honor.
This bears the signature of the Chairman of Nagrath Constructions,
Mr. Vedant Nagrath.
But Vedant Nagrath wasn't even in Delhi on 14th February.
This is nonsense, Sunil!
Your Honor.
-Do you have any proof? -The notary is here Mr. Virendra Madhav.
Your Honor, I have photographs of posts made by Mrs. Nagrath on…
social media date February 14th.
They were holidaying in the Maldives.
Mr. and Mrs. Nagrath can be seen sitting by the poolside
sipping cocktails from glasses with, uh, little umbrellas in them.
Who got this notarized?
Look at that!
They don't even know who got it notarized.
Your Honor, we know that notary fraud happens all the time.
But Jaitleyji didn't even think it necessary to remove the pictures
from social media.
Sir, you can see for yourself.
He doesn't have too much respect for this court.
Your Honor, this is indeed a great lapse on our part.
But I assure you this is not how KSA Legal operates.
What rubbish!
-Bagaiji… -Sir, it's all an act.
Arre, what does he know about a poor laborer's hunger pangs?
All the blood, sweat, and tears.
His widowed mother sitting all alone, crying.
That's enough, Bagaiji, enough. You're overselling it now.
Jaitleyji, Bagaiji may be creating a fuss.
But he does have a point, right?
-Your Honor-- -Just as a formality,
write a small letter of apology and bring it to my chamber.
We can take it up after lunch.
Your pal, Sunil, will wrap it up today. Hmm.
Arre, Didi. The band guy is waiting for you.
What do we do about Golu's case?
The same thing…
we do every time.
You want to put Bagai on it?
-Arre! Move! -Out of my way!
Thank God! We have got the old Sujata back again!
Yeah, Daleel bhai.
Why embarrass ourselves?
I agree, Didi.
This Bagai, this Singh, this PP Saab.
What do they get fighting their own cases?
Bainsla's approval? I don't care about that!
-Client's reputation? -I don't care about that!
-Expensive new car? -I don't care about that!
Our own chamber?
-I don't care about that! -I don't care--
An air-conditioned chamber?
I care about that chamber.
-So where are you going, Didi? -Library.
Library? Why?
You'll find out why in court.
See you there.
What? Have you lost it?
Shuklaji, please explain to him.
It would be so out of line for me to convince his fiancée about him.
She is totally right.
What will a swan do between two ducks?
Arre, the swan will tell the duck that she has nothing going on
with the other duck.
He just has a…
…crush on her!
There! It's because of this stupid attitude,
Varsha has her doubts!
He openly jokes about this. "I have a crush. I have a crush. "
So obviously, she's gonna be concerned, no?
It's not a joke, it's a fact.
All the guys do have a crush on you.
Tell her.
-He's right. -So we shouldn't get married?
So we shouldn't get married?
And Shuklaji,
you had a crush on Hema Malini, right?
-Major crush! -Yes.
And in spite of a crush on Hema Malini,
you had two beautiful daughters with your wife, huh?
Hema and Malini!
Why is everyone so interested in my married life today?
All I was trying to demonstrate was that the swan
and the duck are two different types of species.
They can never be together, right?
I don't believe in such classist theories, all right?
And I'm not gonna talk to Varsha.
Okay, in that case, uh, please give me your car keys.
Huh?
Give me your car keys, please.
As long as we are standing here, why not accept this card?
You might need it.
I don't need your card.
Would you please check? Sunil asked me to come at 3:00!
Uh, Jaitleyji, have you brought the apology letter?
Judge Saab told me to file it before he left.
Before he left? Where has he gone?
Home. He wasn't feeling very well.
In two hours?
Yes. Gas.
Uh, who would have thought
on the very day you had such an important case.
The canteen would serve only rice and Rajma.
That too, with extra ginger.
Jaitleyji, so this card, please keep it.
Bloody asshole!
It's not your case, it's not your client, but you're still creating such a nuisance.
What the hell do you have against me?
One second.
Are you Shobha's boyfriend?
Shobha? Who's Shobha?
Nothing. Leave it.
-Sir, tell me, who's Shobha? -No one.
Why this animosity?
Animosity? No, sir. I'm a fan of yours, sir!
I just want three favors from you, sir, that's all.
Is this the way to seek a favor?
Couldn't you take an appointment and meet me in the office?
An appointment from you?
Sir, come on, tell me the truth.
When was the last time you gave an appointment to a sessions court lawyer?
And be honest.
What do you want?
Sir… tell me, where did you find this coat?
Really?
I didn't find it, it's bespoke. Amaltas Stitches, Maharani Baug.
-Entry by invitation. -Wow!
Second favor.
Sir, could you…
forward this mail to the 375 lawyers who work for you, sir?
What?
"Vote for a star, Tyagi in Bar"?
Yes, sir. Sir, I know that the lawyers in your firm don't take part
in the Bar Association elections,
but if you tell them, they'll definitely participate
and I'm sure they'll vote for VD Tyagi, sir.
I don't know. I don't know.
Sir, Nagrath Constructions has 20 acres of land under dispute,
and I'm just asking for 20 kb. 20 kb. 20.
Fine, I'll do it. But listen, Tyagi…
…I want the case wrapped up today.
Not just wrap up, it will be finito, finale.
Promise.
What is the third favor?
Uncle, the car is fully automatic.
Just put your foot on the accelerator and go straight to 150.
-One fifty! -Yeah.
Look, bhaisaab, there's a fridge in here!
Papa, look at this.
It has a TV too!
Arre, this isn't a car, it's a five-star hotel room!
Uncle, it's worth 1.5 crores of features alone at 65 lakhs.
1.5 crores!
It's amazing, isn't it? Take it out for a spin. Go.
Go on, try it. Why? What happened?
Arre, beta, do you mind if I take a selfie with it?
Why just a selfie, Uncle? Here are the keys.
-Arre, no, no, no, no. -Go. Take it for a spin. Arre.
-Arre, uncle. Take it for a spin. -No, no, no.
Uncle, don't worry, you don't need a separate license for it.
-No, no. -Go easy, beta, don't force him like this.
-Okay, Papa, why don't you drive it? -Uh, no.
-Come on, Papa. -No, no, no. Absolutely not.
You have this amazing car in front of you. The latest model, keys are right here,
and you're not going for a spin? Why?
Arre, beta, this car is totally out of my league.
-I won't dare drive it. -Right.
The car is out of your league, so you wouldn't dare drive it.
But I'll dare to have a fling with the owner, huh?
Trust me, it's nothing.
Varsha!
Let's do the engagement.
Your Honor, I'd like to present
printouts of 15 Google links, 3 YouTube videos,
and a testimonial in front of the Honorable Court today.
What's this?
And what exactly are you trying to prove?
All I want to prove, Your Honor, is that a parrot doesn't learn to speak,
it learns to mimic someone.
What do you mean he learns to mimic someone?
Doesn't he swear at Hemlataji?
-Yes. -She said yes.
Of course, he does.
This man uses the dirtiest swear words for his Aunt.
Excuse me.
You're accusing your own client of being guilty?
Yes, Your Honor. But my client swears behind her back.
Have you ever called your aunt a stupid bitch on her face?
Nah, nah. Not to her face. She's my aunt.
This is our culture.
Your Honor, my client used horrible words while swearing at his aunt
behind her back.
And the parrot learned those words.
So how does that make it his fault?
Is it really a crime to swear at your relatives behind their backs?
Your Honor, isn't swearing at our elders
in front of their faces against our values and culture?
And that's why we swear at them behind their backs.
Who doesn't curse and swear?
Don't employees curse their bosses, students curse their teachers,
women curse their mother-in-laws, PP Sahab curses you.
-What? -What?
No, no, no, no! I never said anything! Impossible!
He does, Your Honor.
Arre.
By God, I promise!
I would never do such a thing.
Wha-What nonsense is this? Sit down.
-PP Sahab, there's nothing-- -Sit down!
PP Sahab, don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong
because until profanity is used publicly
even the Supreme Court doesn't deem it punishable,
so who are we to judge?
-Prosecution? -Yes?
The prosecution… um, needs a little time.
PP Saab, you want an adjournment?
No, no, no. A little adjustment.
Little.
That's what an adjournment is.
Yes, sorry.
She has come prepared today.
Nice work, Sujata.
You are a real legal mama! Amazing, Didi!
Your Honor.
"Vote for a star, Tyagi in Bar. "
Jaitley's mail has arrived!
Here you go.
Everyone gets a check for seven lakh rupees.
Pack up everything you own and go to Lajpat Nagar tomorrow morning.
There's a large government-owned plot of land lying vacant there.
Put up a sign over there, stake your claim.
This time I won't get you anything less than eight lakhs to vacate the plot.
But Bagaiji, what about our survival, and our blood, sweat, and tears?
Asshole. I'm going to kick your ass so hard there won't just be tears,
there'll be blood and sweat too.
Out! Get Out! Out, all of you!
Asshole! Ungrateful little shits!
Using my words against…
Tyagiji!
Hats off to you!
You are true president material, no question about it.
You got Lallan Bagai to defeat Jaitleyji.
Amazing job, Mr. President!
-Are you guys done? -Yes, sir.
Arre, then turn the light on.
Mr. Bespoke Suit cuts down to size.
HIGH COURT WARNING, LAWYERS CANNOT ISSUE NOTARY FROM TAXIS OR RICKSHAWS
PARROT DRAGGED TO COURT FOR SWEARING AT NEIGHBOR
PARROT WHO TEASED AUNT ARRESTED